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Original poster

Support thread (8)for parents of young people with an eating disorder

1000 replies

myrtleWilson · 12/01/2023 21:35

Welcome to anyone who is a parent/carer of a young person who has (or suspects may have) an eating disorder.

We're experts by experience and will share our insight - but obviously we're not medically endorsed, we celebrate all our small wins and provide a space for relief from the intensity of supporting a young person whether pre teen, teen or young adult with any eating disorder

OP posts:
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11
NCTDN · 05/06/2023 08:50

NanFlanders · 04/06/2023 22:56

@NCTDN If she's 17 and disappeared from Aigburth, it probably was! Thanks for sharing.

Yea and friends have also shared it from my post. I really hope she's back with you soon x

NanFlanders · 05/06/2023 09:25

Thank you. We have heard from the police that she has been in contact with them. They are satisfied that she is safe and her approximate location. They don't want to traumatise her, so softly softly at the moment.

D1ANA22 · 05/06/2023 09:55

@NanFlanders I'm so glad that she's safe and in contact with the authorities.

Been thinking of you all night and day.

NCTDN · 05/06/2023 10:56

That's such a relief that she contacted the police. I hope they tread carefully with her x

BagpussSaggyOldClothCat · 05/06/2023 11:06

So glad she's in touch with the police, Nan. It sounds like they know what they're doing. It must be so worrying for you and I hope you've got someone supporting you. I am a long way from Liverpool but wish I could help in some way x

BagpussSaggyOldClothCat · 05/06/2023 11:13

Lougle I didn't realise duck eggs were so much more calorific than hens eggs. Thanks.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 05/06/2023 15:02

Glad your DD is safe nan butI am sure you still want her home ASAP...

D1ANA22 · 05/06/2023 16:38

This issue seems so small given Nans situation. DD is currently sitting her GCSE exams and does not care one bit, no revision, not even taking pens/rulers into the exam hall. Prior to her illness two years ago she was a 8/9 grade, I don't even know if she is writing anything down in the exams. She has ambitions of college which require grades (5/6) - I don't recognise this attitude in my DD. We don't put pressure on her so not to trigger her anxiety, but her alternative approach is extreme. Has anyone experienced this?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/06/2023 16:55

Also been thinking of you nan, im glad she's made contact with the police, is she still under a section? Will she go back to the unit?

D1 is she still under any Camhs team? She sounds depressed 😕 my dd did do some work but not loads but tbh she was like that pre ED!!

Anyway I told my dd that she's fucking up her life and it's ridiculous she's still slave to these 'rules' so she's now in a massive mood with me 🙄 I'm honestly passed caring at this point...

NCTDN · 05/06/2023 17:23

@D1ANA22 can't help with that but do you know what exam board her English language is with?

D1ANA22 · 05/06/2023 20:03

Don’t get me wrong, 18 months ago when DD was in hospital I never imagined she would be sitting exams - it’s just the reminder of how her mental health is affected by this awful unpredictable illness.

The exam board is WJEC.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies exactly, I feel as though the illness is sabotaging everything positive and constructive in DD’s life - and I sometimes think DD allows it, which makes me angry and sad.

NCTDN · 05/06/2023 20:43

That's a relief Diana because apparently ocr board had a section all about healthy eating and weight loss.

D1ANA22 · 05/06/2023 21:13

Thanks @NCTDN - we had those topics for my DD’s Spanish 🤯

NCTDN · 05/06/2023 21:41

Shocking!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/06/2023 22:02

Any update Nan?

D1 I feel the same, I think I have a bad case of carers fatigue as I just want to shake her to make her see sense!! Obviously I don't and I remind myself constantly that she is still ill.

I was at a work training day today that discussed empathy which was actually quite interesting, there was a short YouTube video about the difference between sympathy and empathy which was a useful reminder for me. It's also useful when thinking about well meaning friends say something clumsy, they're sympathetic but not empathetic.

D1ANA22 · 06/06/2023 09:03

@Girliefriendlikespuppies our DD's seem quite similar, albeit a year apart. How do you cope with the summer holidays - my concerns are that DD will have the;

  • opportunity to stay in bed until noon and miss breakfast (DH works from home)
  • eating when going out with friends (she has a topped up bank card specifically for food, drink and snacks when out and about)
  • sleepovers at friends, how to manage these for food (we would not ask her friends or their mums to monitor DD's food)
  • its nine weeks until college, she wants to work and earn money - how do they accommodate eating

I appreciate that everyone is an individual, I am looking for general advice around these situations. I suppose I am asking what to do now DD is older and more independent.

SunnyFog · 06/06/2023 13:13

The "healthy" eating principles are embedded across the school curriculum. It reflects the current level of understanding in the general population.
Similarly, I think a lot of people believe that EDs are caused by pushy parents, and when the girls are in hospital they get the message that schoolwork doesn't matter.

BagpussSaggyOldClothCat · 06/06/2023 13:44

D1ANA22

It's so difficult when they're doing things independently. My dd was out with friends on Sunday and said she'd had a meal deal for dinner but I can guarantee it was just sushi, fruit and a zero cal drink. That day she probably had less than l000 cals but had a good day with friends. That's the trade off. It makes me really anxious and on days where she hasn't eaten I have that horrible knot in my stomach and wake in the night worrying. All I can do is make sure the meals I make for her are as calorific as I can get away with to hopefully cancel out the bad days. My dd doesn't work yet and doesn't stay away from home as she is much too anxious so that's a small relief for me. Selfishly, long may it last.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 06/06/2023 13:47

D1 so in answer to your points here's how we've done it (disclaimer it's not foolproof and I've had to make it up as I e gone along to a certain degree!)

If dd gets up late she still has to have breakfast, I just put all meals and snacks back a bit to spread it out. She knows there's no way I'd let her get away with not eating breakfast.

If she's out and and about with friends I ask about lunch arrangements, make sure there's a plan to eat somewhere ie Subway or macdonalds and make sure she has money. I know she'll probably eat less than she would if I was with her but I do believe she'll eat something with her friends.

Sleepovers similar to above, I check if she's getting dinner and will give her money ti get sweets or chocolate to take with her as 'pudding.' My main worry with other peoples houses is scales and I have text parents to ask if they have any and if so can they hide them when dd is there. Nowadays Id be really surprised if dd weighed herself as she genuinely seems happy not knowing.

Personally I have found work a really useful motivator for dd, she worked in primark all over Christmas and she really enjoyed it and liked earning her own money. She took a pack lunch with her and we sometimes moved snacks about a bit to tie in with shift times and breaks.

I'm strongly encouraging her to look for a job now as being at home all summer would be a disaster for her imo. It was the lockdown that triggered her ED in the first place so I'm strongly of the opinion that she does better when out and about with something to occupy her mind.

NanFlanders · 06/06/2023 14:00

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all your support. DD safe and in a children's hospital in Scotland (!) - thank God! I am here with her and staying nearby. She's not currently well enough to travel (eating and drinking very little, and had done quite the tour before she was found, so probably exhausted too) but hopefully will be in the next few days. DH at home with our poor son, who is trying to focus on his exams. We've taken down all the social media posts, but wanted to say we have been overwhelmed by the love, help and support - police, railways, shops network, hospitals - and all our very kind friends - including you guys - have been beyond amazing xxx

Curlyhairedassasin · 06/06/2023 14:23

So glad you found her, nan. Wow, Scotland, I believe this is quite a ride from you. Hope you are ok too. I cannot imagine how stressful the last few days must have been for your family.

Original poster
myrtleWilson · 06/06/2023 14:26

Am so pleased you're reunited again - what a stressful time for you all. Hope she recuperates well and you can all heal xx

OP posts:
D1ANA22 · 06/06/2023 14:28

@NanFlanders I'm glad she is safe and you are with her. My heart goes out to you and the distress of the last few days.

Others, thank you for the advice regards to independence, that is really helpful.

BagpussSaggyOldClothCat · 06/06/2023 14:28

I'm so pleased your dd is safe and you are with her, Nan. Sending love to you all.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 06/06/2023 14:44

So pleased she has been found and you are with her nan I hope you can be transferred near to home soon.
My thoughts are with you. * *

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