Support thread (8)for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome to anyone who is a parent/carer of a young person who has (or suspects may have) an eating disorder.

We're experts by experience and will share our insight - but obviously we're not medically endorsed, we celebrate all our small wins and provide a space for relief from the intensity of supporting a young person whether pre teen, teen or young adult with any eating disorder

They are going to send her home but we're just waiting to hear what the plan is. Can I really insist they keep her in? Any advice what to say?

Has she had any food or drink?
Id be worried about going home with low BM if not.
I really hope you get sorted.

She’s just drunk some orange juice that they asked her to have to get her blood sugar up. It feel like they just want to tick the box to get rid of us? But to bring her back if she has any worrying symptoms (some of which she’s already having). I guess a&e are just for emergency situations and so we’ll have to do it this again tomorrow if she can’t be convinced to eat to stop us having to go through this again.

Have they done the ED assessment ? I've forgotten what it's called now but there's a tickbox form they should complete before sending her home. Are you on the fb group? They have an a&e file including what to ask for and say.

So sorry you're going through this LittlePickleHead

It sounds like being triggered by her friend has treatened her ED and it is ramping up a gear. Education and friends are vital to good mental health but with so many kids suffering from anxiety issues, ED, SH, SI there are triggers everywhere for our poor dc. My dd is out of education now because she couldn't cope so her ED is less triggered but she's becoming isolated as a consequence. It's a double edged sword.

I really feel for you and I hope that you're getting some decent help and advice.

Yes they did the ED assessment and she passed for the moment. It sounds like there will be an escalation plan through the Maudsley, we've got a call later today.

You're absolutely right about the ED being threatened. She's just said to me that she can't give up now it's been so long, so it does seem like she's pushing it as far as she can. I think she almost wants to prove how ill she is.

I've just ordered Hadley Freeman's new book about her struggle with anorexia. She's been doing a few interviews about it lately. She was on Lorraine this morning, it was a fairly brief interview but worth a look on catch up. I should say, before anyone looks for the interviews, she had a harrowing journey and nearly died, but she now considers herself fully recovered.

LittlePickleHead How are things going?

Thanks for checking in @BagpussSaggyOldClothCat. DD has had one bottle of fortisip and now refusing the next. We have a call with her ED therapist at 3 and will discuss escalation then. I'm keeping to 'life stops' and let her briefly have her phone after she drank the last one and now it's gone again. I'm hoping the sheer boredom will start to get her to comply as I'm obviously not letting her move around.

Ironically I was supposed to be seeing Hadley in conversation on Thursday at NewsUk, but I don't think I'll be able to go now.

LittlePickleHead

That sounds like a good strategy.
No food in = No energy spent.
Even using a phone takes energy.

@LittlePickleHead I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Be strong. It sounds like you're doing everything you can. I hope the ED team get her some help soon. Hang on in there. You've got this.

DD is sixteen, in recovery - the ED has been very sneaky, hiding food, pouring away drinks, pouching food in mouth, storing vitamins in bedroom. Self harmed over a year ago - school called and said a knife had gone missing from craft lesson. Vitamins stored in draws, school snacks hidden behind bookcase - all the usual traits.

Daughter has accused me of of betraying her trust, going through her school bag (where I have found uneaten snacks) and snooping around her room. If she wasn't suffering from anorexia then I wouldn't do this - I get that teenagers need privacy, however I have been 'snooping' - how do we get back from this to restore our already damaged relationship? Is there anything out there I can show her that says 'I did this because of this ...' She is in denial about her illness, is there anything or words of wisdom to explain myself to her so that she might understand - I feel awful for going through her stuff but I was highly vigilant then, less so now as she recovers.

Hi nomore I would be (and am) completely unapologetic about what you have had to do to keep your dd safe 🤷‍♀️ your dd sounds really similar to mine in her behaviours. I regularly did a sweep of dds bedroom and confiscated self harming stuff and found snacks/spat out vitamins.

I think the trust will come back but it has to work both ways, when I can trust my dd not to hide food in her wardrobe then I'll stop looking. For the most part dd is how now well enough that I very rarely feel the need to check her room. My dd can trust me in that I will do whatever I can to keep her safe and alive. The ED however does not and will not trust me but I can live with that.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies I see parents getting flamed on MN for snooping - the usual teenage stuff though. DD (or should I say ED) hates the use of the term ‘carer’ that I have used in the past for my role as parent/carer.

I would like to have that conversation with her - and maybe I will one day, but if things went backwards in her recovery I would do the same again. I like your point that it is the ED and not DD I don’t trust, albeit hard to distinguish between the two sometimes.

Yep, nomoreplease. I have known to check the outside bin. That's how I knew dd was going back wards again with hiding/chucking food.

Totally agree with @Girliefriendlikespuppies it's key to make sure its clear that it is the ED you do not trust. And thaf without the ED you would not be 'snooping'.
It's totally different to those threads you mentioned about muns going through a healthy teenagers stuff!
I had a spy app on my DDs phone, tracked her movements and regularly went through her room. I had to to help her recover. This illness turned her into someone who could not be trusted at all.
When in the throws of an ED the relationship the parent has with their DC is not normal. I had to be way tougher than I would have been in a normal situation. And my DD hated it and me.
We have a totally normal relationship now she us fully recovered. She's 15 so its not fully harmonious but totally normal!

On another note DD has had an email from the gym coach at school about a nutritionist offering they are giving to their Sports Program students. DD is in art GCSE when it's on but the coach has offered her a one to one with the nutritionist.
My immediate reaction was 'no'. I had flash backs to coaches and teachers and physios telling me (in front of DD) that her diet seemed fine (except she should cut the crisps out) when i was trying to get her help whilst she was quickly wasting away.
The ignorance about EDs and cal needs of teenage sportspeople amongts so called professionals astounds me often.
I voiced my reservations to DD and was told ' I am over all that now you need to let it go'.
If only it were that simple! I am going to let her go but make sure she debriefs with me properly.
She does have issues in matches in the mornings with her energy levels so it may help. I am still nervous about it.
The legacy this illness leaves is v long lasting....

@Lottsbiffandsmudge - I would suggest making sure the nutritionist is accredited with the AfN - either an ANutr or RNutr. Then make sure they are aware of her ED history.

Hi all, just an update after you were all so supportive over DDs relapse. We've avoided an admission although she's lost a lot of weight (I think some of it was beforehand as we'd been on holiday the week before) and we're now back to where we were in November in terms of eating - so fortisips with small bits of food that we'll increase.

Very frustrating as we were starting to move towards addressing challenges and now she's back to no dance, not being able to do d of e, no normality at home with meals together.

But I've done this before and will do it again more quickly this time. I knew this wouldn't be a linear process and I know you've all been through this too, so onwards we go!

Thank you x

Thanks for the update LittlePickleHead

Good to hear your dd is at home and you have a plan. Yes you've come through it before and you will again. Sending strength 💪

Glad to hear you've got a plan @LittlePickleHead . You can do this! Hang on in there!

Dd has been taking vitamin B complex plus extra Thiamin for about 6 weeks now. There are little glimmers that they might be helping her anxiety. Nothing life changing just yet, but as a mum you notice little things don't you?

If anyone has seen the Lewis Capaldi documentary it shows him having B & D vitamins to help his anxiety/ticks and dd was pleased when I said they help him too.

Just thought I'd share in case anyone else is trying a different route than meds.

Not sure if it's helping but also on advice from this thread giving vit B and D...

Just by way of a hope post. My DD starts tomorrow in the youth FA Cup final.
I cannot believe the journey she has been on in the last 3 years. From skeletal waif to fa cup finalist.
I honestly thought at times that we would never get her back.
You are all doing an amazing job to help your DC and I just wanted to say that however black things look recovery is possible. And they can have a future.
You all have my utmost respect abd admiration. I know what you are going through. And pray for a good outcome for all your DC. ❤️

❤️

Hello hope you don't mind me joining the thread.

My lovely DSD (16yo) is currently having issues with food. She lives in France with her mum and stays with us in England as regularly as possible, she's here now as she has school holiday.
She has always been quite an anxious, fragile child and takes on every stress around her and at the moment it really seems everything has got on top. She's doing her BAC exams next month (like GCSEs) which she is really stressed about and her dad (my husband) has had a recurrence of his cancer late last year and has been going through some intense treatment for that which is obviously added to it. It's all just too much for her and it seems like it's all manifesting with food issues. We have a really good relationship and it's a shock to see her get smaller each time she visits. She's very pale now, with bad skin and she's tiny.
She has been diagnosed with anorexia by her doctor in France who has referred her to a psychologist who has advised us to not make a big deal of it, let her eat what and when she wants. Yesterday the only thing she ate was half a salmon fillet and a small amount of broccoli. A good thing is that she enjoys milkshakes and DH has those meal replacement ones from the hospital so she had two of those yesterday so she probably getting a good amount of calories! It's just a shock because we don't see her every week so each time we see her there's a huge difference. She's 4ft11 and tiny. She looks so frail.
DH, DSDs mum and I just all feel a bit lost