Hello,
My son (21) has an eating disorder (bulimia nervosa). He also has quite a cluster of mental health issues.
I have been trying to get help for him for years. He stopped attending school at the age of 13, due to extreme anxiety, and he received a few sessions of CBT. The sessions stopped after about four appointments, because he 'would not engage'. He worked with an outreach worker when he was 15.
He never returned to education, and for the past half a decade or so, I have tried to support him to engage in something. However, he spent a few days at college, then stopped attending (he was electively mute and the other students were not too supportive), he joined a skills course, but again dropped out because it seemed to 'lead to nothing' and he has walked out of two jobs and two apprenticeships after a day or two.
Recently, he has been able to express himself more objectively (before he just blamed everyone and everything else). He told me that on many occasions, he has walked out of apprenticeships and jobs because he could not fit his excessive gym and exercise routine into the working day, and because he felt he could not eat in those environments.
However, his ED has just taken over his life. He has had assessments for mental health services, but he just get referred from one service to another. Recently, he had an assessment by BEAT, and I had hoped this would mean he would at least have someone else to talk to. However, BEAT have said his needs are too complex for their services, and he needs specialist services.
I work from home, and care for my son. My husband (who lives near us) and my eldest son (who lives in supported accommodation in the next town) are both autistic, and I use many of the strategies that help them with my youngest son, e.g. keep the environment low arousal, negotiate boundaries and so on. I restrict his income (he has no income of his own), so there is a limit to how much he can spend on food. However, he will eat out of the bin, and eat everything in the house. He has lost a lot of weight, but he cannot see himself as other see him. I had an ED many years ago, and I know how it affects the perception and cognition. I know he may have reached the point where he can no longer help himself, but there seems to be no-one to help me help him.
I apologise for the length of this message. However, my son will receive a call from a clinician in a week's time. I think he will just be sent on a merry-go-round of referrals. Please can someone tell me what sort of strategies I can use to help him, because I do not think there are services out there. I receive support from BEAT as a carer, but due to the complexity of my son's MH issues, and the dynamics of the household , the recommended strategies do not always work.
I apologise for the length of this message, and thank you for reading.