Trying to stop the eating disorder but failing each time

[Snowflakewater]

Today I was pretty triggered at work, watched a colleague eat grapes and 3 slices of cheese for their lunch and they’re phenomenally slim.

With bulimia, I found that actually really challenging to watch. Mainly because it’s a small portion ans also it makes me feel I eat too much and forces the triggers. Today I ate: a sandwich and crackers, vegetables and rice, and an apple. That’s what I did today.

ive not done anything for 4 days in terms of you know what. However, I’m struggling to refrain. I was doing really well and now I feel a moment of weakness. I’ve lost a lot of control with it and im really trying to stop. I just don’t want to do it anymore.

any advice?

I am thinking that either your colleague was having a snack or have their own eating disorder. No one eating a healthy diet has grapes and 3 bits of cheese for a meal.

Your diet sounds quite healthy & not too much at all. Do you have a support group you can talk to? Perhaps ask your GP or mental health if they know of any?

That was lunch:( we work in the same office all day long. I just felt really triggered, it’s hard to watch. I may have to take myself away when I eat.

I often used to not eat at all out of embarrassment too.

Well done for reaching out op and for noticing that you were triggered.

Remember this feeling / urge, will pass. Tomorrow, how would you like to feel when you wake up?

Do you have ongoing, regular mh support? The office environment can be really difficult with high potential for lots of triggers

I often used to not eat at all out of embarrassment too.

I recognise this in myself, particularly in my teenage and early twenties years. I hadn't thought about it for years but eg in my student days I found it very difficult to eat with others around. I could manage it when eating 'perfectly' but needed to be alone to enjoy anything the least bit unhealthy.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

The less I compare myself to others, the happier and more at easy I am. Hope you find the way forward to ease. Too