Hi everyone,
I am in recovery from anorexia and have had it since I was 13 (I am now 32). I have been in varying states of recovery/relapse during these years. I recently underate for a week due to being at a festival and I have been shocked at how viscously thoughts of relapse have returned. For a whole week after the festival I continued to undereat and engage in anorexic behaviours without even realising. This has scared me.
My BMI is currently 19 and has rarely been higher than this in all my years of recovery. I do remember when I was in treatment being advised that patients are generally hoped to reach BMI 20+ as evidence shows that the thoughts are reduced and the risk of relapse is less and I have recently done my own research on this
At the moment I don't love my body but I am reasonably comfortable sitting at a BMI of 19. I guess it is regarded as 'healthy' by the medical profession so gets me off the hook there, but is still low enough to appease anorexia somewhat - I am fairly certain this is not my set point as I was always on the heavier side as a child.
The thought of gaining beyond where I am now horrifies me, yet I am also scared of being so susceptible to relapse. I guess I am just wondering if anyone has any advise/experience with gaining to a BMI of 20+ and seeing marked improvements?