ED and self harm by cutting

[MmeMeursault]

Hello - I’m relatively new to all this but would be grateful for your help. My 15 yr old daughter has been under the local ED team for about 4 months as she’s self harming by cutting herself whrn she perceives she’s overeaten or eaten the ‘wrong’ thing.

Her weight etc seem not to be of immediate concern at the moment although is regularly reviewed: it’s more about body image and perception of carbs and good/bad foods than amount of intake so far.

She’s also SHd by whipping herself with a charger cable before she discovered pencil sharpener blades. She’s getting general SH counselling from school and her ED has just escalated her to the next level up (not sure what it’s called though) because of her continued self harm around eating.

She has today disclosed to me that when on Weds we went out for a meal for a relatives bday earlier this week, whilst at the time she was ok with all that, she woke up in the night and felt the need to SH because she didn’t finish the starter so she cut herself again. This was never an issue during or after the meal - we kept it all v low key and it’s was all fine…or so I thought.

I feel at a right loss at the moment about all this. The SH seems clearly to be far more embedded in her mind than previously thought. I’m so concerned for her state of mind right now. The school counsellor seems a bit useless. We have an ED appt tomorrow for a review so we’ll be raising this.

Any advise, suggestions or just warm words of support would be helpful.

Thank you.

Hi there,

I’m so sorry to hear what your daughter is going through, it must be dreadful for you to see her going through this. Is she receiving any counselling support from the ED team? Maybe you could look at self-referring her for CBT under the NHS for some additional support if you’re not happy with the school?

I really hope that things improve for her soon.

Hi,

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine what it must be like when a loved one is self harming.

I started cutting and having issues with food at around 11 years old. I was discovered at around age 15 by my mum and taken to counselling but could only really express my hatred for myself in terms of body image as I didn't really have a deeper understanding of the reasons 'why'. I'm still self harming at age 32 and struggle with eating but now understand that it is about control and deep rooted self esteem issues rather than actual body image and weight, etc. So, for example, if I'm having a dark day, I won't eat as a form of control. And then if I do eat, I will punish with self harm. Perhaps it goes deeper for her than just weight? Looking back, my issues were definitely triggered by comments at school and the feeling of just not being good enough. I think my mum just assumed I felt fat and was being a dramatic teenager and that was that (not that I'm saying you are like that - my mum was very old school and mental health issues were brushed under the carpet and thought of as silly.

I don't really have any advice except talk and keep the communication lines open. She needs to feel that it is ok to self harm and you won't punish her or hate her for it. Because it's a coping mechanism. One which needs to be stopped eventually but something which she needs for now. It's a strategy for dealing with big emotions and she just needs to find different strategies which are healthier. Life signs is a good website to have a look at for both you and her.

Hi @MmeMeursault I think you may have popped by previously on the teen eating disorder threads - if not, then you would be warmly supported over there.

In terms of the CAMHS support, are you getting any support from a team that deals with anxiety/disregulated thinking/actions. In our area this was called the Intensive Home Treatment team which was separate but interconnected with the ED team. The thinking was the ED support worker had to focus solely on the eating whereas the IHT team worked with DD to identify and develop a 'keep me safe' plan - which looked to identify what her 'triggers' were to move from green/amber to red and then agree what she could do to de-escalate and what we as parents could do to support her. It took a while to develop but was very helpful but it is person specific but I'd be happy to share examples of what worked for her.