i know I have an eating disorder, but I don’t know what?
ive always hated the way I looked. I was bullied at a young age for being “fat” when I wasn’t. It was always an insult to throw at someone when I was a teenager.
I was a size 6 at 14/15/16 but still thought I was massive. I didn’t eat much more because there wasn’t much but when there was I’d eat a lot.
when I had kids (first at 17) I was fine when I was pregnant and is the only time I’ve been ok with my body because I was so obviously pregnant.
after it I’ve never been able to get past a size 12 let alone get back down to a size 6.
mover the years, I’ve jumped between periods of massive binges and periods of restriction.
for example. In August/September/October last year I was limiting myself to 1 meal per day and 2 protein shakes and went to the gym at least 4 times a week for 3 hours at a time.
I lost a lot of weight. The end of October i broke out in hives and felt so run down so I couldn’t go to the gym, this triggered a binge eating spree so I’ve been binge eating since and have put on 3 stone at least.
this is the highest weight ive been.
I’ve been obsessing over my image and a restriction again although ive not dropped into that phase yet.
ive just been put on the waiting list for psychology but it’s an 8 month wait.
also to point out that since having children I have always been overweight/obese I have never managed to drop back down, I’m also 5ft 2, which doesn’t help trying to reach a healthy weight.
I don’t know if it’s just binge eating there, if it’s bulimia if it’s a bit of both.