I am currently in my late 20s. Fortunately, I always had a pretty healthy relationship to food in my teens and early 20s - my meals were balanced, my weight was average, and if I needed a snack, I’d be perfectly happy with an apple. Sure, there were times when I’d indulge in a bit too much chocolate or pasta, but in hindsight, it was all very tame.
Maybe two years ago, I ‘discovered’ binge eating. I know this sounds strange to say, but one day, I just went to the shop, bought several bags of crisps, chocolates, etc. and ate them all in one sitting. It had quite simply never occurred to me to do this before, but ever since, I haven’t been able to stop.
My weight has shot up (I only binge eat, I don’t make myself sick) and I feel so helpless and confused. It’s an urge greater than me that I can’t control; it is truly like an addiction. I constantly think about food when I’m not eating, and once I do start, I can no longer stop.
I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a meal. Even my non-binge meals have changed - I no longer eat light, balanced meals, instead everything has to have lots of salt, sugar, fat, etc. in it for me to get my “fix”.
My DP has been kind about it, but he is often shocked by the amount of food I consumer in one sitting, how unhealthy it is, and how quickly I wolf it down. He’s not a health nut either, his diet is more like that of an unsupervised 8yo at a birthday party. I suppose this doesn’t help, but we did live together for a long time where I managed to eat healthily and left him to his own devices, so it’s not impossible.
I’ve had a lot of work stress in the last two years, and initially, this was definitely the cause. However, the binge eating has taken on a life of its own, and rears its ugly head even when I’m on holiday or having a good day.
My GP reckons that it’s work stress related, but did some blood tests just in case. Everything looks perfectly normal in this respect. I am trying to make some career and lifestyle changes regardless (as the job is making me unhappy in multiple ways) but as I said, I worry that it’s gone too far.
I’ve tried several diets, I’ve tried just going back to what I ate before, I’ve tried limiting what I have in the house and what I buy in the shops, but at the end of the day, I always find a way to get another fix.
How do I make it stop??? What should I do next?
Sorry for the long post.