I realise this is quite a niche topic, for want of a better word. However, I am hoping someone might be able to empathise or advise me.
I had a MC over Christmas. We'd seen the heartbeat twice and I thought everything was going to be okay. When the sonographer asked me if I was sure about my dates and then I saw the flatline on the monitor my heart just broke.
Since then I've been unable to eat properly. I used to have some issues with food and losing weight when I was younger, however, I thought I'd overcome that.
Now I'm obsessed with the scales again. The less I eat the more in control I feel and I can see myself heading down an old, dangerous path. But, for some reason, can't seem to stop.
I feel like I need to punish myself or exercise some control over my body. I can see this from an outside perspective and I know it's not rational or healthy, but I can't help myself.