Gaining weight for TTC purposes

[Alysskea]

Hi I’m embarking on the rather lengthy journey of trying to conceive in a same sex couple. I’m lucky enough that this is funded, but only if I can reach what NHS deems healthy weight.
After a lifetime of anorexia this is a bit daunting - but I’m determined to do it! My relationship with food is good nowadays - my body not so much!! Anyone been through the same? Or perhaps other way round.

Hi,

I don't know what support or advice I can offer but I can say I have also been in the same situation as you.
I suffered with anorexia for many many years, a really difficult illness that has very little understanding.

I recently married my partner (same sex ) and now have an amazing wife. I have fought hard to over come my eating disorder to have a healthy body to carry a child, something I have always dreamt of. I have thankfully have my periods back for 2 years now and hope that this means I can conceive naturally via a sperm donation.
Getting to a healthy weight is difficult, it takes a strength and I can tell you now, it is possible. Having a good relationship with food is a great start, that took me a long time took. It's always difficult to have the same relationship with your body. What I can say is I started to view my body as an amazing thing, it's kept me alive, it lets me see the world and hold my wife close. It strong and powerful and most of all, it's one day going to carry my baby (I hope ) . If you can try to care for your body at first before you love it, then you will start to respect it too.
set goals, little ones and then keep growing.
I hope that I have offered some help, if you want to talk more then I'm always willing too. It seems we are on the same journey in ways.

My fear is that because of my mental health past with anorexia and all the things that come along with it depression,anxiety ect that I will be seen as unfit to be a mother and judged upon that. Have you had any of the same things worry you?

Stay strong and I hope you stay on your journey to having all you dream of. ❤️

Similar - TTC naturally, but I knew I needed to up my weight to have a good chance. I had very disordered eating as a teen.

Big portions of healthy food is my tip, so you don't get that yucky feeling of having too much junk. Lots of peanut butter and rich sauces (eg tahini and full fat yoghurt) on everything, and snacks is my tip.

@Butterfliess that was such a beautiful thing to read. I can’t thank you enough. It seems like we are indeed on a very similar journey, and hopefully it is one that is bringing us closer to the joy we deserve!

I have worried a fair bit about my mental health impacting how people see my fitness to be a parent, which frustrates me because people in heterosexual relationships aren’t under the same microscope, and also because I work with children and am good at it so (though I shouldn’t have to) I feel like I’ve proven that I can be good at this!

Wishing you all of the best!!!

@Zarene Thank you for the tips! It’s really comforting to hear I’m not alone in this.

Also thank you for reminding me that tahini and peanut butter exist. Of course!!! I agree re: the junk making you feel a bit rubbish.

@Alysskea just want to wish you well on your journey. It's worth it and that was a good tip above about peanut butter etc about. If you can increase the rich foods in your diet it will be easier.

I worried about what people would say about my ED history when I was pregnant but other than brief discussions during my first appointments with the midwives I didn't get any special treatment. Obviously I can't speak for anyone else's experiences.

I was also petrified about how I would cope growing something inside me and the weight gain associated with it, but that turned out to be fine. In some ways I think it was a relief to just eat for a purpose. I wasn't prepared for the comments on my body shape during pregnancy though... All the... Look at you, so slim and beautiful and pregnant, comparisons to other pregnant women's shapes etc. You don't even look pregnant etc. Although I do have one fond memory which was when I was pregnant with our second at a playgroup with our youngest I think people were just realising I was pregnant at 20+ weeks and one of the mums who I didn't speak to came up to me and quietly said she wanted to tell me how well I looked, genuinely healthy with a bit more weight on me and she said I should try to keep it after the baby arrives because it suited me. Maybe that's a bit weird but it was like she knew there was something in my past and she was trying to tell me it is OK.

Come back and let us know how you are getting on!