Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 5

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome everyone,
Our last thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4279530-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-4?watched=1&msgid=111172926#111172926

That we're on thread 5 in about a year is a reflection of the incredible increase in mental health issues, including eating disorders amongst young people over the last couple of years.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

People to look up on social media
Hope Virgo
Ro-Recovering
James Downs
Cara Lisette
Adam Fare
BarefootRebel
Ilona Burton

Girlie hope Covid is not too bad for your DD

Betty - great news on a gain!

dark how are you doing?

My daughter refuses to admit she has a problem too. The dietitian made the point that anorexia is an illness that suffers don’t want to get better from, it’s giving them something that they don’t want to let go of. This is definitely the case with my daughter.
We had news that her health checks are now moving to fortnightly as she’s within the normal ranges now, her ecg was normal. She will still need to be weighed each week and we might do this at home.

Not sure if you're blind weighing moom? If there's one thing I wish I could go back in time and change it's that dd was blind weighed from the beginning.

I honestly think all unwell teens and children should be blind weighed, dd never recovered from learning she'd gained a kg quite early on in FBT. A lot of the behaviours I'm still trying to manage now were as a direct result of that weight check. We also lost two of the three snacks which I've not been able to reinstate.

For my dd it wasn't so much loosing weight that bothered her but a deep fear of gaining any.

What's scary now is the thought that dd will discover weight some how, I honestly think the consequences could be catastrophic.

Yep DD is blind-weighed too, at her request. I think she knows the ball park but not precisely and I only tell her if she’s lost or gained, no actual figures.

It’s crazy how the ED gives the sufferer the ability to turn any discussion on its head and twist it to suit their own narrative. In this way I liken the ED to a abusive gaslighting boyfriend that has taken up resident in their heads. In the early days DD was able to leave me utterly bewildered and perplexed as she managed to listen to what I was saying and use some form of twisted logic to use my own words against me. I learnt eventually that you just have to walk away from those discussions and not engage.

Hello there, just joining this discussion. My daughter has been skipping lunch at school for a while now. No sandwich/pasta, fruit or anything. I'm sure she'd eat crisps or chocolate if I gave them. She eats all her meals at home but I'm beginning to suspect she is vomiting up at least her evening meal at times, as she usually goes straight upstairs after eating. She is not underweight at the moment. She is 13, year 9. There is a lot of background, she is adopted, was bullied at her first secondary and is now in a different one. She is happier at new school from what we can see but I think she hides a lot of what is happening. I would appreciate some advice on where to go with this. Thank youuu x

We were blind weighing but it made it worse for DD so her clinic now say she should be allowed to see it but just once a week (we'd hidden our scales but she kept managing to find them so now they've gone altogether) and only there. The therapist says there are arguments on both sides.

@Rollergirl11 your abusive boyfriend analogy is spot on. I call her ED Regina George as in Mean Girls because it purports to be a friend but is actually continually negging.

@Olives49, it sounds like your daughter has a lot to contend with and it is as these crunch times (puberty, lockdown, school issues) that ED can embed. I am not an expert but have you spoken to your GP in the first instance? Have you had any previous involvement with CAMHS?

Is there any way you can ask school to keep an eye on her at lunchtimes? If she's adopted from care then presumably she's pupil premium so you could argue that you'd like some resources directed to this.

With regard to the purging, you have to make sure she stays with you for at least half an hour after eating. We (I don't think) have an issue with it but were told when she was first diagnosed that we had to be with her for all meals x3, snacks x3 and half an hour after each of them. So pretty much all the waking hours. It's really hard. I don't know if there's any TV programme you could all watch together as a ritual. We're currently doing Squid Game which is pretty inappropriate but works for us.

Oh and they don't have to be underweight to have an eating disorder. Some health professionals still harbour this misconception. My DD is, as it happens, v underweight, but it's unfair that she got immediate attention and NHS care over someone who might have been in a worse state than her.

Thanks so much. She does have some involvement with camhs but it is so hard to get anywhere with them. It's so slow. I am going to take her to the gp though. I do think she has an ED or an emerging one, even though she is not (yet) underweight. I'm very new to posting on here and not familiar with what I'm doing! Thanks again x

Do definitely go to GP and don't be fobbed off as I was (a phone call appointment which delayed us by 3 valuable months). Weight is one factor but behaviour, eating patterns and weight loss are more important.

I think other children on this board haven't been underweight even at their worst.

Valley our girls are so different 😆 it just shows how a one size fits all approach isn't going to work.

Olive I'd ask the school to supervise lunch, if your dd finds certain foods easier to eat then go with them, I wouldn't worry too much about whether it's crisps vs something else. The aim is to get her eating and to prevent weight loss. If you suspect purging tell your dd she needs to go to the loo before food and not for at least an hour afterwards. It will be worth talking to her gp and getting some basic obs done.

My dd was never a dangerously low weight in theory but was actually seriously unwell. Her periods stopped at a not theoretically low weight and her heart rate was also much slower than it should have been. Plus she was permanently freezing and her hair was falling out!!

My point being even at a normalish weight they can actually be very ill.

Hi, I am looking for ideas on where to start with my DD. She's 17, at college, a lovely girl, very funny and chatty, enjoys spending time with her family, has a nice friendship group and a part time job which she enjoys. However, I increasingly think she has an eating disorder, I think bulimia.

A few years ago she was very unhappy, was very underweight, and self harming and had to see a counsellor at school. They referred her to the GP who referred us to an eating disorders clinic. However they did not keep her on their books, but discharged her after one session. To be fair her eating did improve after that - at least she eats more food at meals, and she has put weight on (she's very slender, but not super skinny, and she does have regular periods, good skin, shiny hair etc). I also don't think she is self harming anymore although it's hard to know for sure.

My issue is that I am pretty sure she throws up after meals - I have seen the evidence around the toilet and her older sister told me she thought she was too. She is also a complete sugar and fizzy drink addict and I often find empty crisp, cereal and biscuit wrappers in her room. She has lunch money for college but I'm not 100% convinced she actually buys lunch.

She's very unwilling to discuss personal issues. She didn't really engage with the counsellor she was seeing before at school and quite a closed book. I feel that if I confront her about the throwing up she will just deny it and maybe work harder at hiding it.

Now she's 17 it's not so easy - I can't force her to see the GP for example. How can I help her? Can I even help her? Where would you suggest I start? Many thanks - I feel so embarassed and also naive, perhaps I have let this go on too long already but she's been very good at hiding it. Also because she was making such strides in terms of her part time work, making friends, etc I think I may have been lulled into a false sense of security.

Help! Is this normal ? Dd has spent the past two days raging and screaming and hurting herself after every meal. We’ve ramped up the food.. is this normal or should we seek more help.
I’m really scared for her.

It's normal Betty 😕 just do what you can to keep her safe, it will get easier I promise.

Thank you. She’s in a bad way but safe. She’s covered in bruises from hitting her legs and her arms. She was asleep but has just woken up crying again. She’s calmer though.
Has she sensed we’re increasing her food. I’ve been adding cream to what I can but she doesn’t know that.

It's just the ED punishing her, it's heartbreaking to see it though 💔 keep going.

Keep her as distracted as possible, telly or funny videos after food work quite well here. We're working our way through Friends again!!

Valley we watched Squid Games, I'm traumatised 😵‍💫

I think we will start Squid Games tomorrow!
Thanks for the reassurance. She’s calm now.
It’s impossible to distract her at the time she just seems to need to let it out. All we can do is keep her safe.

Betty sorry you've had a distressing evening. Am glad she's calmer now. When my DD had IHT (intensive home treatment) visits when her self harming and distress were at their worst, they worked on a 'keeping me safe' plan - which detailed how she wanted to be treated/supported at different levels of green/amber/red - so grounding techniques or tangle beads - something to physically occupy her hands. If it would help I'll dig out the checklist and share?

tinkywinky - am sorry you find yourself here but there is a supportive listening ear on hand. Do you think your dd is 'leaving signs' deliberately so you find out - a mini way of asking for help? Have you had a look at the BEAT pages - specifically for those worried about a loved one?www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/worried-about-a-friend-or-family-member/ They may provide a conversation can opener? Do you think your DD would be open to calling the BEAT helpline if not talking to you? My Dd was 17 when she was diagnosed with anorexia so I know it is a tricky age in terms of how much you can 'enforce'... Keep chatting here..

I'm waiting for a call back from 111. I'm a bit worried about DD1. She had tummy pain for over a week. I thought (and still think) it was constipation. We had run out of movicol. But someone leant us some, so she's had 2 sachets per day since Thursday, plus 2 at school on Thursday, so 14 sachets total. She's pooing regularly again and she says it's soft but she has to push hard to poo (TMI, sorry!).

The trouble is, that she's been sick several times in the evening. Once on Wednesday night, then again on Thursday. Now, tonight, she's been sick again. She's got tummy pain and is feeling cold. She's had naps after school yesterday and today (not normal for her now, but was in the early days). She last had olanzapine on Monday night.

I've taken her blood pressure and HR. Both fine, with no postural drop or pulse jump. Temperature is normal, but she's shivering.

I'm just not sure why she's feeling so unwell.

oh lougle hope you get a call back soon. I've got our own digestion/bowel story to tell which I'll do later this week I think.

Yes please @myrtleWilson if you could find it without too much trouble. I’ve noticed she’s clicking her fingers and kind of moving her arms and body as if she’s restless. Then she seemed to suddenly fall asleep but woke soon after.
I felt as though her nightly hot chocolate might start her off again but she said she wanted it. I made it smaller than usual but added cream. I feel so guilty doing that but it’s the anorexia I’m cheating and not my most precious and perfect daughter who is so lost at the moment.
I have a call tomorrow with the nurse so will talk this through with her too.
Thanks for the reassurance. X
@Lougle hope your daughter feels better soon.

Has she been eating regularly Lougle? Wouldn't be low blood sugar would it? Is she still under the care of a paediatrician?

We've had a tricky evening, dd seems to be really struggling mentally. She's got herself into a situation with a boy she likes and is now panicking about that as well.

God it's exhausting being a teen even before throwing an ED into the mix.

Betty not sure I'd recommend squid games as a few times it made me feel a bit sick (graphic violence!)

Betty one of the signs my DD has when we know her anxiety is really increasing is kind of hunching her shoulders and almost pawing/scratching her neck which sounds similar.. I'll dig it out and share

Thank you so much. I’m sorry I don’t contribute much to others in this thread.. I feel I’m a bit take, take, take but I am so grateful for the advice and support your all giving and I hope one day I will be able to give that advice back to others. It’s just still early days for me and I’m seriously lacking in confidence.
She had a friend around after school this evening and I could hear them laughing away. It was lovely. There are good times and I need to remember that.
She’s watching a film on the sofa with her dad now, she’s calm and loved and has food in her tummy.

@Bettybarkalot123 photos aren't loading so this was the exercise (I'll share a couple of my daughters on each one for examples)

1. listing motivation to change - not seeing M&D upset, being more independent

1. things that help me stay well - a good nights sleep, my friends

1. crisis triggers - if my day doesn't go as planned, day before obs are due

then Crisis indicators
Green - lasts for 10/20 mins
- grabbing/pinching my neck
- fidgeting with rings/earrings

Amber - lasts for less than 5 mins
- can be blunt and mean
- scratching myself

Red (crisis level - lasts for hours)
- bang head on wall
- irrational thoughts/hallucinations

What can I (DD) do to help at GREEN

• use fidget toys

• grounding exercises - 5 things that are blue, 4 things that are red, 3 things that are yellow etc

What can I (DD) to help at AMBER

• pacing round room - 10 laps

-throwing a bean bag 30 times

• holding ice cubes/face in iced water

What can I (DD) to help at RED

• avoid reflections
• sit in middle of floor

What can others to help me at Green

• be quite direct and take control
• offer reassurance and that I'm ok

What can others do to help me at AMBER

• don't' be too close to me

Count for me to do the pacing

What can others do to help me at RED

• rock me a little on the floor
• pass me my fidget toys
• physically guide me away from a wall

the lists were longer than that - about 10 bullets under each one but I've picked out a few. The trick is getting your DD to take the lead in shaping it- obviously we had the benefit of IHT to do that. Also they gave us a "positivity box" where we kept pens, drawing books, nail varnish (another good distraction to avoid scratching) tangle tease things, fidget toys so all the self soothing/distraction tools were kept in the same box along with multiple copies of the crisis management traffic light list so we could always double check what we needed to do until it became second nature...

@Lougle really hope your DD is ok, sounds worrying

Thank you all. The nurse called from 111 and she couldn't decide what was best. She's thinking along the same lines as me - it's not an acutely concerning picture, but if we missed something it could be awful. I suggested I could phone back if I'm worried, but she decided a Dr needs to phone, so I'm waiting for that. DD1 has had paracetamol and is asleep now.

I said to her that being a (soon to be ex) nurse, on the one hand, I can see the headline 'nurse failed to take her daughter to hospital when she was ill...' but equally 'nurse took her daughter to hospital when she just needed a big fart...'

Then I read the thread on Munchausens and I've decided they'd remove her from me for making a fuss over nothing!! I think I'm tired of it all.