Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 5

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome everyone,
Our last thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4279530-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-4?watched=1&msgid=111172926#111172926

That we're on thread 5 in about a year is a reflection of the incredible increase in mental health issues, including eating disorders amongst young people over the last couple of years.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

People to look up on social media
Hope Virgo
Ro-Recovering
James Downs
Cara Lisette
Adam Fare
BarefootRebel
Ilona Burton

Girlie hope Covid is not too bad for your DD

Betty - great news on a gain!

dark how are you doing?

No surname just referred to first name.

@Bettybarkalot123 I can understand why. At least it doesn't breach gdpr if only one name but doesn't make you feel any better.

Yes, just unfortunate I guess. They must be under pressure.
I’ve got a call with the GP tomorrow, there’s a Priory clinic near to us so I’m going to ask them to do a referral. She needs more help - we all do.
She may be very poorly but she has a voice and I don’t feel it’s being listened to.
She has her mock GCSEs in November and she’s adamant that she’s sitting them.

And just a quick wow moment.. as I’m typing she’s just started playing her clarinet.. for the first time in months. That must be a positive sign surely!!

@Bettybarkalot123 I hear you on the GCSE front. DD also has her mocks in November and she would be utterly devastated if she couldn’t do them. Her studies are her absolute world. What WFH is your DD now?

And how lovely that she’s playing her clarinet. A good sign indeed! 👍💪

@Rollergirl11 she’s almost 82%
What’s your Dd?

My daughters studies are her world too. That’s who she is, who she has always been.

Betty she is hovering around 97%. She was around 83% when she went back to school. That was full-time with no PE and supervision for break and lunch time.

Thanks @Rollergirl11 similar to where my daughter is now then. We’re only asking for mornings. We will bring her home at 1 for lunch.
They said to DD. Well your glucose levels were 3.9 on Monday when they should be 4.1, what if you were carrying your heavy back pack and fainted on the stairs. She’d had her snack about an hour before the appointment and it was a savoury snack not sugary, she had a drink of orange and it was fine again, every other appointment it’s been perfectly fine.

Sorry, you’ve probably already said this but did going back to school help or hinder your daughters recovery?

I had DD1's annual review on Tuesday. It was helpful to have the LD nurse there.

DD1 did a beautiful job of showing the level of supervision she still needs. I had raised concern because DD1 had 'forgotten' her snack two days running. The teacher said that she had tummy ache on day 1 (true) and they'd worked out that she was worried about missing break, so hadn't gone for snack on day 2. So, they decided she'd leave lessons early, so she could collect her snack before break. She said that she'd had both snacks that day. DD1 came in and I said 'Have you had both your snacks today?' She said, 'I had one of them and the other one is in my bag.' I think the teacher was quite shocked because she'd asked DD1 and she had told her she'd had her snack.

We see the psychiatrist next week, which I think we need. DD1 is slipping a bit, I think.

@Bettybarkalot123 she was desperate to get back to school. Being the diligent student she is she was terrified of missing too much content and falling behind (to be fair she kept up extremely well joining her lessons by Teams and her teachers confirmed her work didn’t slip whatsoever). It did help in that it gave her something else to focus on. But I would say being back at school is when her anxiety stepped up and went off the scale. She had her end of year exams and she really struggled to concentrate well enough to revise to her usual standard. Although having said that she still got all 8’s and 9’s in all her subjects. She was having panic attacks frequently and became hugely paranoid that everyone was staring at her or that she wasn’t behaving or responding appropriately to people (I mean wtf??!)

So I guess I’m saying although your DD is desperate to get back to school, don’t underestimate how stressful it will be for her. I’m sure your DD is very able, as is mine, but be mindful that her brain is still not fully recovered from malnutrition and she will still have impaired cognition. This became just another thing my DD used to beat herself up about “why can’t I do it? Why am I so lazy and stupid!!” etc etc.

School is such a mixed bag, it definitely helps dd overall but her resilience is so low it doesn't take much to tip her over the edge iykwim. I think your suggestion Betty of mornings only is sensible and I can't see why the ED team wouldn't say well let's try it and see for a week? You could also then say to your dd this is an opportunity for you to show you can manage, if you lose weight you will be pulled straight back out again.

My dd has always responded better to more carrot and less stick so that approach worked for her.

I guess that’s the nature of the illness, it’s complex and unpredictable but as you say a weeks trial, surely that can’t do too much damage.

Also, went to Aldi today to pick up some puddings. I think that’s were we’re seriously losing out. I got an individual apple crumble and a creme brûlée.. they were the smallest and least chocolatey things I could find. Fingers crossed.
I feel tonight will be explosive but I will not react.

You definitely have to show no fear when presenting food you know is likely to cause a meltdown. I think it's easy to fall into the trap of sometimes enabling the ED by just giving them safe foods. Unfortunately that isn't going to work longer term 😕 I have 100% been guilty of doing this especially in the early days when I was just relieved she was eating anything tbh.

It's a bit like giving an alcoholic a low alcohol beer, it keeps them a bit happier for a short period of time but longer term is not sorting the actual issue (fear of weight gain/fear foods etc.)

@Girliefriendlikespuppies great analogy. I’m definitely guilty of this but no more! I want her to get back to school because that’s what she wants, not the ED.
We covered enabling the ED on the Beat course.

Like a lot of stuff I've read/seen about ED, I thought that red balloon/blue balloon video was brilliant at identifying a rubbish way of dealing with your child, but less good at presenting an effective alternative. I don't know if it's the nature of ED or mental health generally, but it seems to attract a lot of wishy washy metaphors. I looked up the worksheet mentioned and I thought it would be more instructional.

Clearly I'm overly demanding...

We don't do puddings here, maybe we should. I just want to get her weight up in a way that doesn't cause meltdowns but possibly I'm enabling the ED. Will google Beat on that.

Hi all. Thought I'd post this recipe for good old Kiwi yo yo biscuits. They are a bit like custard creams but far yummier. I've just made a batch and this recipe makes 7 biscuits sandwiched (14 before filling). I gather they are 299 Cals each so good for a snack. Golf ball sized balls on the tray then dip a fork in flour and push down with the back of the fork to flatten. They are pale but do go the full 20 mins.

The Shrewsbury biscuit recipe above is our version of jammy dodgers and probably also good for a snack. I don't worry about the holes.

DD had supported lunch with her dad yesterday and seemed to enjoy it. I took her to school today to get her flu vaccine and it was joyous. Her friends were all over her and she got presents and loads of attention. We're hoping for school after half term- was 79.7% on Tuesday so hopefully it's doable.

I have to keep pushing. She's complaining about the volume of food (more than hospital she thinks but definitely not) and I guess her tummy needs to expand.

How is everyone else doing?

Do your DDs ask about the ingredients in the dishes you serve?

Dark your post made me smile - I bet you were beaming inside and out seeing the reaction to your DD at school...

Really not any more as dd knows she won't get an answer other than 'the ingredients are exactly what you need'

Amazing dark!! Hopefully your dd will see school is worth eating for!

I wonder if I can join you on the teen thread. DD is just 18 but I need help and advice as her parent.

DD's reaction to feeling out of control with lockdown and Year 13 exam stresses was to massively control her eating. From what started out as a "normal" diet to deal with being overweight and wanting to feel confident starting uni, it progressed to eating a only few hundred calories a day and overexercising. She's lost about 40kg in the 8 months since then. Currently at 5' 6" she's 49kg - hip bones, ribs, shoulder blades sticking out and looks unwell. She's not had a period since about May and is exhausted.

I'm not quite sure how to work out wfh or tell what % she is of it- all the sites I look at seem to give a range of normal weights, so do I compare her to middle of that or the bottom figure? I'd say she has a medium frame.

I took her to the NHS GP but support was non-existent so then went to a private GP. She wants to refer DD to the Priory, but DD is utterly resistant to the thought of any sort of counseling, so I'm just doing the best I can to support her with no real clue if I'm saying the right things or not.

She's now at a very high-pressure uni in London, which is fortunately only 30 mins on the train from home, so I've been going up there once a week to see her. She is talking to me about things but I'm not sure if we are being proactive enough.

She says she can manage the situation and "just needs to get into the habit of eating again" but every month her weight just drops further.

We've tried reasoning, cajoling and last month even said that if she continued to lose weight we would stop funding her at uni and she would have to come home to get well. She knows she has to eat more, says she wants to eat more and it's not that she refuses to eat at all, just that everything she chooses to eat is low calorie, so unless she really concentrates she's massively under-eating.

She is apparently making an effort to up her calories to around 1,800 - 2,000 per day, but is exhausted with the amount of mental energy it takes as she's thinking about food all the time - what she going to eat, how she's going to make her target etc. It's then impacting on her studies and she's up all night working to keep up.

I don't know if 1,800 cals is enough to put some weight back on and try to heal her body. She's pretty active with campus a 25 minute walk from her halls, and walks all day to get around.

Do you have any advice about how to persuade DD to engage with some professional help. Seeing her struggling so much is heart breaking but as she is officially an adult, I seem to be powerless to get her help unless she wants it.

I am terrified about where this is going.

hi and welcome @whethertheweather my dd is 18 too and is in a limbo land having left Camhs. we do have the benefit that she's still living at home as she dropped out of yr13 due to anorexia so is redoing sixth form. I can only begin to imagine how difficult it must be not having your dd at home as she's grappling this illness...their paths sound very similar.

Is she registered with the uni's support services? @Bluebuddha10 also has an older dd at university who may be able to help.

I know of a couple of 18/19yr olds in recovery (both over 6 months gone) on social media - would she recognise the need to recover by watching someone else? my dd did exactly this - through following people in recovery it was as if she was exploring the idea before she was able to try it.. happy to share their details

Hi whether sorry you've had to find us, that does sound really concerning. Did the GP do any obs? Your dd needs bloods, an ecg and a bp check.

Tbh I think I'd want her home to get her on a meal plan of 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. I appreciate convincing your dd that's a good idea will be tricky though! You could point her in the direction of Tabitha Farrah who has written a few books and is a good one for older teens to read.

Do the uni know?

Thanks so much both for replying! I know she does look at various people on social media but I don’t know who so any recommendations would be much appreciated. I’ll have a look at Tabitha Farrar as a start.

I think I do believe her that she wants to get better - she says she knows she looks pretty skeletal in the mirror and doesn’t like that. I’m just not sure she’s got the strength to do it alone. But she’s so afraid of being labelled she shies away from reaching out for any help. Is it inappropriate for me to go to uni support services on her behalf? Or maybe I can offer to go with her?

She had bloods, BP etc tested but that was few months and probably 10kg ago. She’s transferred to the uni GP and has tried to book in for a meds review for her Amitriptyline she takes for her migraines but they say no appointments till November. I was hoping they’d take one look at her and realise there was a problem. There was authority with the home GP for them to talk to me about her - I wonder if that transfers with her records?