Hello and advice please

[DarkBlueEyes]

Hello all. I am not a regular Mumsnet user but I have been told the ED board here is fab, and I really need help.

My youngest (14 on Sunday) was finally diagnosed with anorexia in May after way too long.

We got a CAMHS referral and were doing FBT which basically seems to consist of "feed your child" not much else. We were doing ok with few refusals (lots of moaning).

At diagnosis was 80.44%, two weeks ago was 87%. We went on holiday and gave her a bit of autonomy. Big mistake. She has lost 900g and is now refusing all the things we used to give her. The main issue is the daily milkshake with Ensure (and ice cream and cream). Which she is hysterical about.

I don't want to give in as then the ED has won. What do I do?

We promised her a day out with friends on Sunday for her birthday and I'm trying to use that as an incentive to eat well, but it doesn't seem to be working. She is now worse than she's ever been but we are SO far away from being well and they are going to discharge us.

Can anyone help? The behavioiur is worsening (cutting things up into tiny pieces, smearing food on the plate, taking 1.5 hours to eat her snack and finish a drink) etc etc.

I am beside myself and honestly I dont' think I'm strong enough to deal with this. She refuses any kind of help and is so rude in our fortnightly zoom meetings with the ED clinic. I hate them too. I feel just judged and permanently wanting and incompetent. The person does everything but roll her eyes and I don't want to ask her for advice or help as I don't feel supported by her. Apparently I'm an idiot. I certainly feel like one.

Sorry I know that's a lot, any advice would be so welcome especially about the milkshake thing.

DBE

Hello @DarkBlueEyes, sorry to hear you're having a hard time.

You'll get loads of helpful advice and support here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4279530-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-4

DD was diagnosed in January at 74 or 75% and got up to 80% quite quickly and then plateaued for ages and then in a spectacularly bad week at the end of term dropped down to where she started. She never would have had an ensure shake with ice cream so I'm impressed your DD ever managed that.

I think for most children progress if far from linear, but as I say come along and join us long-suffering super-supportive parents on the main thread. I'd probably try to push not to get discharged as from what you've written, your DD isn't either weight restored or free from disordered thoughts. I really sympathise with the cutting up food, my DD eats in such a disordered and infuriating way - I feel like my life is spent watching her make criss-cross patterns in an avocado.