Frustrated with my daughter

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Hi
My daughter is 24 and has had disordered eating since she was 15. She had some input from CAMHS when she was young - which she felt was unhelpful as the focus was on her weight and not her feelings. She had anorexia which has become bulimia and she restricts and binges. She went to university but had to leave in her final year as the eating disorder became really bad and her flat mates contacted me to let me know what was going on. They also refused to have her back in the house as they couldn't deal with her eating disordered behaviour. This was devastating to her. We have tried many ways to help - we have paid for private therapy for a couple of years. I have contacted ED services and pushed for help and tried to give support. Unfortunately non of it has worked so far and it is having a really negative effect on our family. I could go on but maybe someone could just help me with a major issue which is - what do we do when she binges on food that has been bought for meals or treats. I have tried not mentioning it but it is really frustrating and I'm finding it really difficult to deal with - she will have tantrums or deny and then argue with us if it is mentioned to her. It also seems unrealistic to allow this behaviour to go on as she will not be able to live with others if she doesn't tackle it. Could anyone give me some advice? If you are/ were a sufferer what helped you with binge eating?
Thanks

This must be a really difficult situation for you. I have a bulimia diagnosis, but I live alone so I haven't been in this exact situation.

The binging part of the disorder brings a huge sense of shame for me and it might be that your daughter denies things because she is feeling guilty or ashamed.

The trigger for most binges is hunger. If you can encourage her to eat regularly, it might help curb the binges somewhat. However, I imagine she will only eat regularly if she is at a point where she is willing to recover.

Does she have any professional help? Ultimately I think the binges will only stop when she begins recovery. It is so difficult to explain what happens during a binge, but there is a real loss of control. In the meantime, I think the only way to prevent her binging on specific food is to prevent her from having access to it. I realise in practical terms that may be difficult.

Thank you so much for replying. I hope you are on the way to recovery. I think I am just coming to terms with the fact that if she is not ready to recover her behaviour will not change. I'm worried that we are just enabling her behaviour. She has told me that she is on a waiting list for nhs intervention but I'm not sure that she is committed to working on it. She is def ashamed and feels shame but we seem to be unable to help her with this as she will not discuss anything to do with the eating disorder. It's really hard for all of us.

Rustnot do you mind me asking what prompted your motivation to try to recover if you have actually made that decision? Thanks

For me, although it's probably not what you want to hear, it was hitting real rock bottom. I was constantly overwhelmed with eating disorder thoughts. I couldn't stick to all of the 'rules' my eating disorder was imposing, so I felt like I was failing all the time. It made me suicidal.

For a long time I was in denial, and I thought that I could live my normal life and the ED could exist alongside it. But that was impossible, physically and emotionally. In the end, as dramatic as it sounds, it came down to a choice of living my life, or simply existing with my ED. That said, my motivation for recovery still fluctuates a lot and some days are still very hard.

I wish I had some more practical advice for you because things must seem impossible right now. Sending you strength

We were nearly in your situation. DD is nearly 23 and managed (his knows how) to limp through uni with bumemia. She is now recovering and doing a demanding Masters. First step was acknowledgment. Literally fir years we had no idea except that her behavior was closed and unhappy. 'Coming out' to us and the world was huge. Then going on to Citalapram helped calm her brain. Then she slowly began to eat more intuitively... recognising she was hungry so should eat rather than 'save' those calories for a binge. She had no useful counselling, and we know that at any moment she could relapse. Fir now tho we're grateful we seem to have our daughter back. I can still see controlling behavior with food. But her flat mates know and I am so grateful to one of them in particular for knowing not to put pressure won her with food.
Sorry it's not v helpful but honest acknowledgement and then meds helped DD. So much of the behavior was around using it to control her anxiety and mood.
It's weird. It IS frustrating. My husband was frankly rubbish at dealing with it initially, and I wasn't much better. Tho now he is brilliant

It is really so helpful to hear your experiences. Rustnot - I have a feeling this may have to be the case with my daughter. At the moment we are not allowing her to reach rock bottom and I don't think that is helpful in the long term as she just resents us and blames us for her feelings so doesn't move on. I feel I am reaching rock bottom and I'm ready to withdraw which I actually think will help her more.
Salllswim- thank you for sharing your experience, it is so hard for us as parents and I'm really pleased your daughter has improved. I have wondered about medication. Hopefully if she has some input from nhs this will be explored and could be helpful. Thanks again - hearing from you has made me feel less alone in this struggle.