Teen Eating Disorders support thread 3

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better get a new thread going!

Please come and join us if your teen is struggling with an Eating Disorder. We are a kind, supportive bunch of parents looking to support each other through the dark days of caring for a teen with an ED.

Thanks Lougle, yep I'm exhausted, but I'm glad the maths add up actually, that makes me feel better that she gained basically as expected.

Wow, 3000, that is hard going!

Yeah we had to ramp the calories up to a minimum of 2500 to see any weight gain, the only way that's been possible has been by adding calories to absolutely everything.

Dd said the other day that a healthy amount of calories for a woman was 2000 a day, she seemed surprised when I pointed out that's for a grown up woman and actually a teenager needs considerably more, ideally 2600.

Dd said she spent most of yesterday crying, she said any little thing would set her off again. I'm not sure if this is a completely bad thing as one of the things that worried me when she was more unwell was how little she cried. In fact she went weeks without crying even when I could see she was really struggling. I'm wondering if she is finally letting some emotions back in?

Hello everyone,
I don't write often because my daughter is a year weight restored (hurray!).
We found sertraline very positive for us - helped with anxiety and mood regulation I think. My DD was very anxious, suicidal and stressed so it was a great help. I think it can help with the black and white thinking ED seems to have.
Regarding calories - they seem to require huge amounts of calories. We used all sorts of special recipes - worrietaboutitall why don't you post what sort of things you are feeding and we might be able to help (the FEAST around the dinner table website also has lots of ideas for this).
My main thoughts are that you can add rapreseed oil to most things easily, duck eggs instead of chicken eggs if you can get them, jersey milk if possible and a blob of butter in porridge.
I also make my own bread and cake so I can cut thicker slices if I need to.
The weight gain is so hard and they get so very upset by it all. I found sometimes all I could do was sit there and witness her distress - it was awful but I just couldn't say anything right it seemed. We managed it though, but it was tough.
I used to save 'the dodo' videos on facebook so we could watch cute dogs and cats being made better - i hoped she'd get the message that being underweight just wasn't healthy.
We also had a worsening of emotions as she got better - it seemed she had the energy to express it more, whereas before she was so flat. I also thought it might be extinction burst, but i think i was hopeful as i thought that so many times!
Can i remind you all to self-care? - i am only just realising how much stress i have endured myself and this is a long-game so we need to be resilient. It might be a trashy novel or film, it might just be an early night in bed with a cup of tea; but you are the engine in the train so you need to be ready for anything.
Much love and keep going everyone. There is blue sky behind this storm!

Dear @greygirl this is exactly the message of hope I needed today after one of our worst evenings. Thank you for taking the time to post. X

@sm701 I'm sorry you found the article distressing, absolutely not my intention. I can sort of disassociate when I read stuff about really horrific cases, I think as a survival mechanism. Plus I'm one of life's optimists. Or deluded, I really thought we'd carry on with the weight restoration at the rate at which it began.

Re Setraline, our therapist very much sold it to us as an antidepressant and Olanzapine as a anti-anxiety one. Don't know if that tallies with people's experience.

@greygirl thank you so much for such a lovely empathetic message. I do feel that however sympathetic friends are, there's nothing like the wisdom of those that have been or are going through it.

Hi @Valleyofthedollymix , I think it was an essential and necessary read. It's certainly focussed my mind on keeping DD at home and getting her better before she turns 18 that's for sure!

Dd didn’t eat anything after lunch yesterday as she made brownies and ate 1 for lunch pudding.Refused both snacks, second piece of bread and dessert at lunch today. Don’t know what to do. Can’t face a 6th admission. Just can’t do this again.

Oh @Scr1bblyGum that's hard. I don't have any useful words really. I've only managed to keep on top of DD1 because I gave her 3 croissants for breakfast and pancakes for lunch. She slept through morning snack and was too full from pancakes for afternoon snack. Drinking hardly anything.

Refused tea and won’t be eating anything I cook ever again apparently.

Can you threaten her with a&e Scribbly? I think I'd say either eat your dinner or I'm taking you to a&e, if she says she won't go ring an ambulance.

She won’t be ill enough yet. It started Thursday from around 100%. FT said she’d plateaued and lost a little Mon. She’s ramping it up fast but still around 700 I’d say. Sooooo bloody sick of this.

I'm sorry scribbly, it's just shit isn't it.

Thanks greygirl & girlie, I give dd the highest calorie version of anything she will eat, she has a limited range of foods unfortunately. Current breakfast is 1 weetabix with whole milk and sugar, school packed lunch is cheese sandwich on thick bread with real butter, she won't have mayo or any sauce on it, a frube, crisps, biscuit (no idea how much of this she eats, the school are useless and she leaves in a few weeks so no point trying to engage them now), tea is jacket potato, butter + cheese, 2 fried eggs on 2 toast with butter, spaghetti hoops with toast + butter (she will not allow cheese on top), mini pizza with extra cheese on top. Basically those on a loop. She eats up to 50% of her tea, leaves the potatoe skin, the toast crust, the egg white. I'm drained.

In a week and a half she’ll be off school until Sep with nothing to do but think about food.😩

Yes it's even worse when they are off and out of routine.

Worried will she eat porridge? You can add butter to the spaghetti hoops, in your situation I think I'd get maxijul as well as think you could add that to milk and drinks (even if just water.)

My D won't eat the jacket skins but I've used that to my advantage and now scoop the potato out of the skin from two potatoes and serve to her as normal. She's none the wiser so far!

Scribbly I wasn't thinking they'd admit her but more that your dd will realise you're serious and then eat something 😬

You’ve got a point Girlie. Might tell her if things don’t pick up we’ll have to. Don’t want to waste their time though incase we need them further down the line.

The threat of it might be enough to get her eating Scribbly, I think if it carries on that's what I'd do.

I feel for you with the long break, that's shit 😕

Really sorry @Scr1bblyGum, it's so wearying.

DD ate a Krispy Kreme yesterday, which we always have on birthdays (was DH's). No resistance either. Turns out it's not actually that many calories, but as a symbol of all that is sugary and unhealthy I was pleased.

Hi, glad I found this group. My dd has just been diagnosed with anorexia. I'm still getting to grips with it all, so apologies if I confuse anyone. Weve had a family therapy session today where we all chat and dd is weighed and has her bp taken.
Because she has lost another 500g this week she has been referred to an inpatient clinic but there will be a wait.
I'm sort of in disbelief still its only been a couple of weeks so when that was mentioned today it hit me.
She doesnt seem to see an issue and thinks we should leave her alone to get on with it.
On one hand I want to push her to eat but on the other hand I don't want to push and her go the other way.
I'm so confused as to what to say or do and feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.
Sorry dont really want anything from this post just hoping others will understand and I needed a vent.

Always feels a bit weird to welcome people onto a thread that nobody wants to be a part of but... welcome. I have found this place to be invaluable as however helpful people try to be IRL they can't really understand what it's like from the inside. Other posters have been incredibly kind and supportive. Also you can rant and rail all you like without judgment. There's no one here who hasn't lost their rag at some point or another.

(FYI, dd is 14, started losing weight fairly slowly last July but always ate what looked like a reasonable amount, diagnosed at NY, outpatient via CAMHS, put on 3kg fairly quickly but has plateaued since going back to school in early March, needs to put on another 6 ideally).

Hi @Iwantacookie - sorry that you have found yourself here. Have your team discussed a meal plan with you yet or have you had an appointment with a dietitian? It must seem like a shock for you all but early intervention offers the best possible chance of recovery. Wishing you both all the best.

@Iwantacookie Sorry that you need to be here, I've been here since late January and it really is so nice to have contact with others going through a similar situation. So welcome.

I think that you have absolutely no choice but to push the food and keep providing the meals and snacks and try your best to get DD to eat them....ITs not easy and it is mentally draining and pretty much a full-time job. If she's losing weight she's already going the other way so unfortunately, you have nothing to lose. How old is your DD?

My DD thought there was no problem, despite all the doctors and nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists telling her there was a problem. I presented at A&E with here and a week in hospital was the turning point where she decided she had to eat - it's still so tough for her but she's put on 2 KG in the last 7 weeks (still only 78% wfh though ).

@Scr1bblyGum I'm also concerned about the holidays, there is too much free time and too much social media.

DD told her Camhs specialist today she doesn't want to restore any more weight as 'healthy people are not pretty'....... Damm photoshop!!! Social media and celebrities with their personal chefs and nutritionists making our young people want to look like sketetons

Welcome cookie (although sorry you're here) how old is your dd and have they told you her wfh?

Unfortunately conflict is unavoidable with EDs, your dd will kick off, cry, scream etc but at the end of the day she has to eat.

There's a few books out there that might be helpful to get you started, Eva Musby is the one I recommend as she gives practical advice on what to say and do when it's all kicking off!!

Welcome cookie - it probably feels like you're on a full spin cycle in the washing machine right now... Am not sure if this is a good thing or not but you will soon find yourself becoming a parental expert...

Supporting a child with an eating disorder is the hardest thing I've ever done - whilst the health care system does what it can, in reality as parent you have to be cheerleader, sometime jailer, enforcer. I've said before it is a bit like your child needing surgery and the Dr saying so this is how I'd suggest you do it, now off you pop, have a go at removing the appendix, and I'll check in on you in a bit.

BUT you've found a great thread (imo) - we know what it is like, someone is usually always around to answer any questions, to cheer any steps forward and always be here to listen to a rant....