I don’t want to go to the GP, I need to sort myself out. But how?

[dangermouseisace]

I’ve had MH probs since teenage years. I thought I’d conquered the eating disorder but (severe anorexia, then bulimia). I’be had issues with depression the past god knows how many years. Restricting my eating helped with the sense of self loathing, and I was getting a bit big what with the meds I’m on (and reducing). But I have got quite a lot smaller. I don’t have scales, because they are unhealthy for me, so I have no idea what my BMI is. I thought I was in control this week, but things have happened that showed that I am not. I’ve crossed the purging line, which I swore I’d never do. I was trying to be more “normal” and eat something that isn’t low calorie, but I couldn’t cope with it. Purging didn’t solve the situation, I still feel awful and my mind has been full of I-must-never-try-being-normal-again.
I tried calling BEAT for advice but gave up after an hour and 20 minutes. I don’t want to go to the GP because I don’t want to be referred to the MH team again. I feel like I need to sort myself out, but I don’t know where to start. I got rid of anorexia last time by being bulimic for years, and it was worse than being anorexic. I don’t want to go down that path again.
Any ideas?

Sounds like you don't want to go down this road again. You need to have a very structured recovery meal plan of three meals and three snacks a day, with gaps in between, and work up to weight regain portion sizes (no binges, but you will have to eat to beyond fullness). You will need to know your weight once per week so you don't panic that you are going too fast (tip - you won't regain too fast, but you will think you are. You can gain 0.5kg to 1kg a week). And you probably will need some support