Hi everyone,
Sorry this will be long, I just feel I need to write everything out as I don't have anyone I can really tell.
I have experienced bulimia on and off since I was about 11. I am now early 30s.
For background, I am fairly sure this comes from being a tall, big boned child who went through chubby and skinny phases.
It felt like attention was constantly on my weight, both from school bullies and my family who were always comparing me in a very fatalistic way, both physically and because I was quite solitary, to an aunt who was morbidly obese and considered 'odd' (I am no expert but think that now she would probably be diagnosed as having ASD).
Generally I will have a spate of binging and purging then be ok for a while until I overeat say, at a social event, or get a craving for certain foods. Then I do it all again.
Over the past few years I put on about 4 stone with some meds that affected my thyroid function, metabolism and energy levels rather badly. I naturally have quite a big appetite, love food and am an emotional eater, plus was too fatigued to exercise much so ended up quite overweight.
Since Jan, I have lost 3 dress sizes (18-20 down to a 12-14) and would like to get back down to a small 12 or 10-12, so I do have a way to go before I am at my target healthy weight. I prefer to go by dress size as I can't check it so minutely as I can weight, or analyse small fluctuations.
I have been doing My Fitness Pal 1200 cals a day with maybe one day a week over, say up to 1600 or 1800 cals on that day. I have been doing 16:8 loosely, walking a min of 10k steps during lockdown and doing some resistance exercises as I obv can't get to the gym.
I tend to get a craving for fats or carbs when my period is due and I have been able to address this roughly within my calorie allowance, say by getting full fat yogurt and bananas or using tahini to make a dressing, or a couple of squares of dark choc.
however, this past week (not due on) the cravings have really heightened to the point where I had a full binge and vomiting purge on friday with a huge chippy tea (big enough that I did the thing of pretending to the delivery guy that the meal was for two) and chocolate and today with a takeaway pizza and sides.
I started reading some articles online and it looks like vomiting still allows quite a lot of calories to be absorbed which has made me feel even more crap and ashamed.
it's a bit tricky as I do still need to lose some weight to be the size I want to be (that looks and feels best) and the methods I have been using, quite low carb and controlled calories, have been working. I was thinking to maybe have a few days eating a 'balanced diet' with more carbs and fat, but not huge portions, staying off the calorie counter and then gradually resuming the diet.
has anyone had any experience of being in this situation or ideas on how to handle it?
thanks, and sorry again for the essay! I feel better having written it down.