How do I know if it’s just a diet

[Onedaythiswillstop]

Hi mumsnetters,

Looking for some advice and clarity. I’ve name changed as I dint want to be identifiable, but at the advice of several mn posters over the last couple of weeks, I’m checking into the ED section for advice.

I’ve had anorexia and bulimia but I have been well and it has been in ‘remission’ for about 7 years. Full disclosure, I was never a ‘real anorexic’ as I wasn’t thin enough to be an inpatient.

Recently I’ve been looking to lose a few pounds for holiday and have got a little fixated with the scales. I’m not really sure why I’m posting as I’m normal weight (bigger end of normal) and I feel like a fraud, but all of a sudden I’m spending all day obsessing about what I have and have not eaten. And I don’t want to eat out as I can’t control and count the calories.

Does this sound ok and normal for a diet? I just wanted a sense check as I’m stuck inside my head with all this constantly on a loop.

Thank you

Bump- anyone 🙁?

I think that once you have an ED it never really leaves you and the control element permeates into everything. You’ve beaten it before so don’t let it take hold again. Please don’t obsess, your long term health is far more important than a dip on the scales. Slow and healthy if you’re determined to drop a few pounds.

Thank you @triptrapdollydumpling just so hard to persuade myself to do that. Just feel so much guilt over everything I eat

Hi...I was bulimic for 2 years...prior to that had a very difficult relationship with food. I never went underweight in regards to my bmi but I was constantly thinking about what I had eaten that day...and there was no way I could go for an impromptu meal...if I knew I was going out for a meal I would try to look at the menu before hand to see what I could have. The bulimia seemed to develop when my dad was really poorly yet they were not sure what was wrong with him so I think it was about control for me. I have been in recovery now for 3 years,and I have a decent relationship with food...however if something is stressing me or making me anxious in another part of my life I seem to find myself concentrating or thinking about food slightly in that way again. I think a lot of people do start thinking about a little diet etc before a holiday...but with previous ED history there is extra risk. The fact that you have posted is good as it highlights how aware you are. I think only you within yourself know the early signs ❤️

@tracybe thank you for replying and sharing your story- it’s the same for me I think- when I’m feeling anxious or stressed I tend to revert a bit. This just concerned me as I haven’t desperately watched the scales for quite a few years since I guess.

Can I ask if you manage to maintain a normal BMI now (not too thin, not too fat)? Just can’t see when I won’t have this devil on my shoulder :(

I do have anxiety and the bulimia was an outlet for that but It doesn't surprise me it was food related as I have had disordered eating as long as I can remember (my mum was the same) now have severe emotional outbursts which seems to be the outlet for my anxiety and that causes a lot of problems in my relationship. I have 2 children and the youngest is 3 and I think I am so busy running around after them I don't think about food that much...however the doctor rang 2 days ago to tell me I am anemic and I know that's because my diet is poor. My bmi is a little on the low side (19) but it's not been intentional,and I was quite shocked it was. I did see a private therapist and she helped massively. My bmi remained in the healthy zone when I was in recovery as I think I just wasn't focused and obsessed about food so would eat if hungry. All the time I was ill I thought I could lose weight by trying to control food...restricting too much then a cycle of binge and purge. When actually the thing I was most frightened of (eating normally) was actually the key to get me to the place I wanted to be x

Speaking from experience, it's very easy to fall back in to the eating disorder mindset as a way of regaining control.

I had to get rid of my scales - actually threw them out - and haven't had any for about 10 years. I could then focus on being properly healthy and feeling fit, rather than the number on the scales. If you really want to, you can weigh yourself at Boots or something once in a while.