Experiences of getting help

[allinit]

I'm so close to reaching out to get help but every time I do I cancel the appointment, I don't want to talk to anyone, I want to be left alone. I don't want anyone to take this coping mechanism away.

I have had an eating disorder for almost 25 years but in the last year I have become mentally very poorly and my bmi is 17.3. I'm just so worried what the future holds, neither option is a good one.

Has anyone got any advice so I can feel in control?

Hi, I guess talking to someone about your situation will give you some cold hard facts and an idea of any help that might be out there, which gives you some power. No one can take this coping strategy away from you - though I wish in a way they could because its so hard to get out from under it yourself, and you deserve better.

Does anyone else have any advice? I'm so scared that I'm going to give my secret up to someone I trust and they are not going to help me

Bump

Thank you for the bump x

No one will take that mechanism away until you are ready, UNLESS they believe you are not competent to make such decisions and you are putting yours or someone else's well-being at risk (sorry, I'm not a professional, so the wording might not be quite right, but you know what I mean).

I gave my secret up, I've had HUGE amounts of help and it has helped, but I am not yet ready to give up my crutch. And that's OK - it's my decision. It's a very long and slow process.

You could try phoning BEAT just to offload, or the Samaritans who are always ready to listen. It might help you sort your thoughts out.

One thing though - you are less likely to be able to start recovery from your ED if your MH is not good enough. I needed to see the ED nurse for a while before I was ready to see the psychologist. Everyone has been very kind, gentle & professional.

Take care. You may msg me if you want.

That's very helpful and encouraging thank you. How did you feel when you first went for help?

I'm glad I could help a bit, it's a lonely place to be.

I felt a mix of shame (I'm a grown, professional woman with 2 kids), relief at knowing I was taken seriously and that I was referred for urgent support and fear at the prospect of telling professionals how I was feeling,

It all went through very quickly and after my first face to face appt with the ED team I did feel overwhelmed but also optimistic and that I had people to help take the burden of everything I'd been dealing with in very unhealthy ways.

I am not recovered and I can access that help again when I am more ready, meanwhile I see my GP who, while obv not an ED specialist, helps with all the other surrounding issues.

It's a big step and TBH I don't think it's true when people say the first step is the hardest; the actual ED and psychology appts were very, very hard and there's so magic wand (buggers!) but I think it's the only way.

What you say is already resonating with me. One moment I'm desperate for help, another I don't want to give this up and then another I fear I'm not Ill enough to get so need to make myself thinner. It's such an awful disease, completely takes over your mind. I don't want to look like this, I want to be strong and healthy. But I can't eat and I'm burning calories compulsively.

When you are like this it's really hard to let people in