Vicious circle

[SimplySteve]

I don't have a diagnosed eating disorder, but think I'm likely anorexic.

I had a shit childhood but I put on weight to be classed as obese about three years ago. I was 110kg two years ago, and realised I can control this by not eating. A year followed where I ate as little as possible and had lost 27kg this time last year. This year I've had some periods of not eating but the overriding feeling is I've been actively sabotaging myself by having binges. Cake. Chocolate. Ice Cream. Etc etc. I've no idea what I weigh atm.

Is this normal? Any tips on not doing this all over again next year? Thanks so much.

Bump.

No, that’s not normal. But it isn’t rare either.

You need proper help. Go and tell your GP. It sounds like you have some insight into why you are doing this (even though you feel out of control). That will help you get better - and you will get better! - because you are taking steps to help yourself.

The hardest thing to do is make a reasonable, normal food plan and stick to it. Most of the recoveries focus on having a plan and sticking to it, and trying to find the triggers for the binges and replacing it with other, healthier coping mechanisms. Your GP should be able to point you to some resources even if just books in the first instance.

My disorder is just like yours in a way, I’m either in starvation mode or binge mode, I really, really struggle with normal mode.

Thanks peeps, seems like I need to go and see my GP. Haven't so far because I worry about being judged (I feel like this about multiple things).

Yes, smater, that is exactly how I am - starvation or binge. No in between. Sorry to hear you are suffering with it

Me too. I'm diagnosed anorexic but lately following months of just restricting I have slipped into a horrendous cycle of severe restriction which leads to binging and purging. I cannot seem to find an in between no matter how much I promise myself I will. It's like if I eat anything over a really minimal amount it will trigger a binge at the moment. It's a nightmare. I relate to what you said about the binging feeling like self sabotage - same here. Although I think it's also caused by extreme hunger due to malnutrition.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this OP, it's just awful. Please do go to your GP, i know how hard it is when you feel you're being judged (me too, all the time, it's crippling!) but you absolutely deserve some help with this, and the sooner you can get the ball rolling the better

Yes I absolutely loathe doctors and disclosing this information because of stupid judgments about greed from ill informed people but I try and talk about it more now as the silly opinions only survive as people with eating disorders keep it a secret - remember that talking to the doctor is private, and if we could have fixed this by ourselves, we would have by now.