Major relapse... so disappointed

[LittleMissedTheSunshine]

I had been doing really well in my recovery from bulimia/binge eating disorder, I had gone four months with no bingeing, just eating healthily and avoiding processed/junky foods (which trigger binge eating).

I started a new job last week and although I felt ok about it, a bit of normal nerves, it must have affected me deeply as I have not been able to stop stuffing my face.

I've just had the most intense, godawful psychological cravings to eat as much food as I can cram in, it really is insatiable, every day as soon as I've finished work I'm off to buy food.

I need to nip this in the bud, today is saturday so no work until Monday, I need to get my control back.

It's the stress of starting a new job and fear of making a bad impression that is driving this, it must be as I was ok before!

I know that giving in to the urge to eat is like scratching an itch, doesn't make the itch go away it just demands to be scratched more.

How can I have been doing so well no binge urges at all for four months, stupid me thinking I've cracked this and then to go to really intense, insatiable cravings that mean I am eating constantly all evening, getting terrible stomach ache and digestive problems.

I can't continue this as I need to be on form for next week not feeling ill and out of sorts.

The only good thing is I've managed to steer away from the very sugary processed foods and eaten mainly healthy foods, but in industrial quantities.

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom.

No wisdom, but a handhold. Think about all the positives, you have managed it for 4 months, you have stuck to healthy foods even now, you have a new job... things will get less stressful around the job, and every day you will feel better.

Be kind to yourself, other forms of TLC like baths, perfume, etc. Because you absolutely deserve good things.

Thanks popcorn doing better today, well I am not at work am I so Monday will be the acid test. But at least it's not continuing today.. I'm trying to eat healthy meals at regular (3-4 hour) intervals.

I don't actually want to eat the junky crap, I don't want to eat any of it really it's just a really really strong psychological hunger, impossible to explain to anyone who's not experienced it but imagine if you'd not eaten for days and then had access to as much food as you wanted and couldn't stop eating, that's what it's like....like my normal hunger and fullness feelings are totally screwed up.

I am inclined to binge too- restless, nagging, gnawing hunger that bears no relation to what I've already eaten.
Having plenty to do helps me, as well as scheduled and planned food. A tub of 'free' nibbles like fruit and veg or raw nuts takes some of the panic away between meals, too.

But I'm sure you know how best to manage it- it's just slipped away from you briefly, that's all.

Done ok today despite being at a nibbly picnic-style party... no major urges so was able to just eat normally and avoid sugar.

It's definitely work related, no doubt, but good I could get my control back this weekend.

Acid test will be tomorrow especially after I finish work. I'm meeting some new clients tomorrow too so will feel under the microscope.

Not sure if I'm best to assume I will finish work wanting to eat something and plan a healthy meal/snack?

That would work for me. Line up snacks you won't be cross with yourself for eating.

Had strong cravings after work today but managed to satisfy them with a pack of nuts and some healthy hearty soup and a slice of toast! So getting much better. When the cravings are impossible to ignore, my strategy of eating a healthy meal and not nibbling on crap seems to help. Seem to have averted a major binge today in any case.

I think the complete restriction is just not realistic and can also trigger a binge, as can over or under eating. It's hard but it's such a balance. I found brain over binge good, and need to re read it after a no limits summer! Feel for you.

I've gone (mostly )sugar free from April, and been fine up to now. Even now, I still don't really crave sugar... I've been satisfying myself with non sugar alternatives. I eat out a lot due to work and had a 'pudding in restaurants' rule that worked well (ie, I can have a pudding if it's part of a restaurant meal) as it was quality over quantity and enabled me to control my consumption as I wasn't in the house with an endless supply of it. But still enabled me to have the odd treat and not feel too deprived.

I seem to just be (psychologically of course) hungry at the moment, so hungry for healthy satisfying food like stews, soups, etc. I'm not getting the cravings for junk food which I think means I've managed to rewire my brain a little not to crave those foods.

Anyway at the moment I'm eating a fair amount but avoiding the out of control binge territory I was in last week. Work went well today incidentally.... I was a bit stressed out this morning worrying about meeting my new boss but she was lovely and easing me in gently to the job so I think it will all be okay.

Well done. You sound really mindful and self aware about it all and that's fantastic you're craving the good stuff. You seem to have switched off the craving, which is what Brain over Binge is all about. You've inspired me to start again, again. X

Well done you! So the strategies work, you can do this!

In no time at all you'll feel comfortable at work and back to your balanced self again.

So what I've learned is that whilst I can't switch off the itchy, urgy 'must put food in my mouth now' feeling, I can choose how best to respond to it.

In the past it would be binge city and all the stodgy, sugary foods - biscuits, big bowls of cereal etc which I'd scarf down barely tasting before moving on to the next thing. Then the guilt. The inevitable promise to diet. Then more bingeing because 'the diet is starting tomorrow'.

This time I've kind of rode it out and eaten healthy, filling meals... soups, chicken, salad, stews etc. Had some plain yogurt with lime juice and stevia for dessert tonight. Sitting here thinking, I'd like to eat more but I don't HAVE to, maybe I can even get to bedtime without putting any more food in my mouth.

I know I've gained a couple of pounds from last week as my clothes feel a little tighter (not good when starting a new job) but I've done the best I can and if it was like the bad old days I'd have eaten a lot more and probably avoiding all my new clothes for fear of trying them on.

Still getting cravings, but they're not as urgent or strong, hopefully they will dissipate a bit more as time goes on.

That's really good progress. It's a strategy you will be able to reuse.