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Eating disorders

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Original poster

Bulimia, serious pain at top of my stomach

12 replies

thatcoldfeeling · 14/04/2018 14:40

I know what has caused it, and I know if I call 111 they will probably say either go to get it seen, or just stop purging, but I think I just want to know if this has happened to others for soe reassurance.

I have been on/off bulimic a very long time, about 20 years. Currently very much on with general restriction of 'normal' eating and purging when I eat or binge. Yesterday I managed a very rare day without b/p but I did eat dinner 'normally', I thought I would be able not to purge as I hadn't eaten all day. I didn't purge as such though I did panic and took a double dose of laxatives. This morning I felt really full and gross from not purging after dinner. I also sort of felt hungry but not.

I binge purged and it was all as normal but my mouth and throat started to hurt more than normal afterwards. Made a coffee and sipping it felt really unpleasant. Thought I maybe just needed to eat something soothing so made myself some porridge. Was fine to swallow but as it got to what I imagine is the top of my stomach it really hurt. I've taken some antacids but I can still feel a sort of tight/burning/general hurting feeling at the top of my stomach.

I don;t really know what to do. If I eat it hurts and I may purge. If I don;t eat I risk snapping and b/p'ing and making it worse. I have some meal replacement, maybe I will try and live off that and avoid b/p'ing for a day or two. I wish I could talk to people IRL about this.

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 14/04/2018 14:51

I know this must be really hard to face but I think you do need to go and see somebody. You could have done some significant damage and it's just going to get worse if you leave it.
Does anybody in rl know?

Original poster

thatcoldfeeling · 14/04/2018 14:59

Healthcare people do know, eg my GP, I also have a care coordinator but that is a new thing.
I have one friend who knows but I haven;t spoken to her for ages, in fact I don't think she really likes me any more.
I wouldn't mind calling 111, though it could be a bit embarrassing and also I don't know; if they are really dismissive I will feel rubbish. If they say I need to go to A&E I can't (and I know they do tend to go for the safest option). So, I suppose I don't actually know. I do feel hungry now and tempted to b/p so I am going to try the meal replacement thing and see how that makes me feel.

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 14/04/2018 15:10

Ok well why not see how you get on and try and get to see your gp v early in the week. Have you got any strategies that sometimes work for managing how you feel?

Original poster

thatcoldfeeling · 14/04/2018 15:19

Meal replacement drink was tolerable actually, though now feel I have to stay upright or it will all just sort of fall out of my mouth and it does hurt a bit. In my imagination I have eroded the top of my stomach and now it is like a jar without a lid. God I'm gross.

Thanks Northern, I feel like I have actually been rather over dramatic and silly. I will see how it is by Monday morning, if it is still like this I will see my GP cos it is actually a bit scary. I sort of hope I am being over dramatic because otherwise I have damaged myself even bloody more :-/

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 14/04/2018 16:32

Thats good progress. You're not over dramatic or silly or gross. You've got a medical problem and if it does get worse you will just need a bit of medical help from people trained to help you and who will have seen it all before. Best wishes

Original poster

thatcoldfeeling · 14/04/2018 19:21

Thanks Northern, have now managed some soup, and although I will purge in other ways I have been scared out of puking for today at least.

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 15/04/2018 12:29

How is it today?

Original poster

thatcoldfeeling · 15/04/2018 18:59

Seems a bit better so of course I have seen this as a green light to carry on as normal.

Am actually fed up with it though, need to do this recovery malarky properly, am going to start another thread actually for that purpose...

OP posts:

ProzacAndWine · 17/04/2018 18:10

Sorry you're in this shit as well. I've been an on/off bulimic for 20+ years, too. Sadly, I think the damage does start to catch up with you over the years, so I do think it's important to follow up with GP (or any other relevant professional) about things like these pains.

I've found really in the last five years only I've started to get bad pains in my upper stomach, especially when in a more active B/P cycle. Also purging has become gradually harder. I've had to have a couple of entroscopies to make sure there is nothing wrong going on with the actual stomach after severe pains, and that there are no tears anywhere, after I started bringing up blood whenever purging. Luckily every time everything's looked fine.

It's been a bit of a wake up call, though. I'm trying to cultivate a mindset where purging is bad, rather than my usual one, where it's the good thing that absolves me from the bad that is a binge. Mixed success... I hope you have good support. My therapist is great, and I'm very slowly trying to work on all the many food issues.

Original poster

thatcoldfeeling · 17/04/2018 19:05

It is shit isn't it Prozac.

That is reassuring that at least you have been okay when you have had entroscopies. My bloods always come back alright which always surprises me, in fact I am having them taken tomorrow. It sort of makes me feel a bit like I am a fraud though. But I guess when the alternative is a ruptured stomach/heart attack etc, feeling like a fraudulent bulimic is probably preferable!

My support is currently patchy - am not 'allowed' psychotherapy until I am 'safer', its a bit awkward!

OP posts:

ProzacAndWine · 17/04/2018 19:29

I have no idea why I wrote entroscopy - the procedure is an endoscopy. Something's wrong with my brain today!

My bloods are always okay too, and that's obviously a relief. But it doesn't mean you're a fraud, as there's an obvious problem, and all it takes is one bad patch to really mess your body up in some point. I think a lot of the damage is cumulative and hidden, too.

I was never allowed help for my ED on the NHS, either, as I have other MH problems, and all the services seem very disjointed, and the ED services won't have you if you're with the others (or are generally otherwise unwell), and the others won't deal with the ED etc. So for me the solution has been to find a supportive GP (although I've been avoiding her) and a private therapist who's agreed to see me for a reduced free. I hope the new care co-ordinator will prove useful for you.

Greenyogagirl · 17/04/2018 19:31

Sounds like stomach acid getting a bit stuck, I’m glad you are feeling better.
Good luck in your recovery x

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