I think this is becoming a problem

[HHH3]

I've never posted about this before and if I'm honest I don't know what I want from it. Maybe just to talk to people who understand?

I've had problems with eating on and off since my teens (I'm 41 now). Was diagnosed a few years ago with atypical anorexia. But despite going through phases where my eating is really not good and I've lost quite a bit of weight, the majority of the time I've been ok. Not completely normal I don't think because I've always been preoccupied with food and weight but it's been manageable.

I couple of months ago I realised that my clothes were getting tight so decided to lose a bit of weight. And it's kind of gone downhill from there. I'm restricting what I eat and losing weight (although I'm not underweight). I'm obsessing over weight and constantly thinking about food. And I have safe foods that I eat at certain times each day, every day.

So much effort goes into it all and it's exhausting. On the one hand I can see it's a problem. When I think about trying to eat more it genuinely terrifies me because I just can't face putting on weight. But on the other hand it feels so good to have control over something and when I weigh myself and see I've lost weight it feels like such an achievement.

This feels different to how it's been in the past.

Same.

Have you considered going back to the doctor?

I'm thinking about it. Not sure whether or not I should though. Have been under the ED Service in the past and them weighing me makes me want to lose weight even more. So potentially it could make things worse.

Having said that, I do see that this is becoming a problem.

I feel exactly the same and unfortunately unless someone else comes along I'm not going to be much help.

I've given up restricting in the last few days because of exhaustion. I'm not underweight yet colleagues have expressed a concern at the way I look. I empathise: I just cannot eat, say, 1700 calories a day. But I try to hit 1000. Can you do that? Might make you feel a little bit better.

I am struggling with anorexia and I also found my local ED services no help, the regular weighing and food diaries made me worse.

I do think its a good plan to aim to eat min 1000 calories a day and try not to lose too much as the less you weigh and eat the harder it is to get over your issues.

There are some good resources online, I found this writer very helpful to read
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hunger-artist

Thank-you for the link - I'll have a look.

There's no way I could eat as many as 1000 caps a day though - it's far too much.

Twice recently I've heard the less you weigh the harder it is to get over. Is that true? Do you know why?

Have you read about the Minnesota experiment?
www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/anorexia/the-minnesota-starvation-study-important-insights-to-help-us-understand-a-loved-one-suffering-from-anorexia
Its interesting to see how starvation affects people.
Are you getting any help/support?

Interesting article - thank-you.

I did a self referral to mh services today. I was told it would be dealt with as routine so a nurse will contact me within 14 days and I'll have an appointment within 28 days. I don't think that's with the ED service though but I'll wait and see.