Bulimia

[LBNM19]

Hi everyone,

I am 27 years old and I have Bulimia, I've been making myself sick after binging on and off for years, the first time I remember doing it is when I was 17.

It's got really bad lately and I am making myself vomit nearly every day. Today I was so good all day and it got to this evening and I ate around 10 ceral bars and 3 packs of crisps and I didn't plan on making myself vomit but then my head was telling me to, even though I don't want to I feel like I have to. Nobody knows and I don't want to tell friends or family but I am considering going to my GP as I don't feel in control at all anymore.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Hi OP
Going to the GP is hard but once you've done it you realise how easy it was and you end up feeling silly for not going sooner.

Please make an appointment and tell the receptionist what it is for and ask them to put a note on the appointment saying what it's for.

Then the gp will know what you are going for. And it will help you during the appointment.

I've been through it and recovery is long and can be hard but totally worth it

Absolutely go to see your GP. It won’t be an easy conversation (if you’re anything like me you’ll probably get quite emotional) but you will get the help you need. As MrsJ said write it down if you have to. You don’t have to say anything then and can just answer the GP’s questions. Good luck.

If you want help go to your GP. I have purging disorder, I throw up but I don’t binge. But I can relate to the overwhelming urge you get when you just want to purge.

I’m not at the point I’m ready to be forced to deal with it yet...

Let us know how you get on.

Can I ask for dp ? ...
Prev bulimia due to bullying esp weight as teen ... 20 yrs bulimic ... hes now in his 40s .. and started again ...more aware .. as admitted when drunken.binge .. which he slso has done ... hiding spirits .. hes consuming .. knew & been sympathetic .. has food control .. down to hiding food not to binge as such but security its there .. went mad when a tin of beans went awol ... that kind of thing ... been myself keeping cupboard stocked so doesnt stress him out x but n
After confession hes purged a few weeks ago .. noticed pattern .. firstly noticed chinese on rim.toilet ... then realised he was bleachimg toilet .. then 20 mins on dot hed go bthroom ... hear fan n tap.on n coughing noises .. then noticed toilet tissue in bowl after hed been in there then air freshner beimg sprayed .. now saying its becsuse hes *going to toilet nothing else ..but tonighy when so said im going bath he went all no dont ... then i went to loo n went in bath he went mad .. and actually went to work to go toilet .. but me thinks to purge .. why else ?? And to get so angry i eas usimg bathroom ?? What should i do
. Ignore hes purging ? As he wont get help ...hes got increased pain in knee n i know its all xbout control etc .. but its not good knowing we sit eat a lovely meal then he sicks it up .. i know reason behind it .. but feel helpless
.
.

I completely understand and sympathise. I just didn't care and lost years of my life . Whole weekends locked in purging from morning til night while my peers were out, living.

I knew all the risks etc had read everything (I was obsessed with reading about E.D.s) nothing could get though to me. One day I was watching Jeremy Kyle (!!!) and Graham the counsellor bloke was explaining to an overweight bulimic girl how throwing your electrolytes out could trigger a heart attack. That finally got through to me. I was also overweight and didn't feel I'd be at risk until I was thin.

I went to the doctor who referred me to a specialist place for counselling. I cried hysterically and couldn't speak or hear at first.

For the last asking for her husband. Nothing could get through to me. I was furious with anyone ruining my purging. In the end I realised it would be easier to purge if I was honest. So I'd say "I'm off to be sick now" and no one stopped me because they didn't know how to deal with me. I was a nightmare. You definitely need support because it must be torture watching him essentially self harm

Anyway I no longer think of eating disorders, I have no interest and no thoughts on purging or anything unhealthy . It literally went. So please believe me there is an alternative universe where you're not plagued with these thoughts and can live in peace inside your head

Awe hugs sheerprincess x and yeah instead of dp saying i want to use toilet .. i guess i want to purge at least brings it out in open .. i know hes doing it so ... I mean who goes to work to use toilet ffs !!! Instead of asking oh u in bath .. can u get out 4 a mo ... no its bcos needed to purge diff altogether !!

Is what i described re dp bulimic traits ?

@Tabitha40 yes I would say so. Sneaking off, getting angry, an excuse for everything. I'm no expert. I think BEAT are meant to do a good phone line. Open 3pm-10pm for relatives and sufferers.

I was only honest to get to do what I wanted and not because I wanted to be. It was just another way to make sure I was able to do what I needed.

I read that people with eating disorders were selfish and manipulative. Looking back I have to agree I was

I can relate to this. It is something I did about 20 years ago. You learn what is easy, porridge,, soft foods. Chocolate not so good, anything creamy or meringue like not good as hard to flush. Been there, done that. Got to the stage where I could just go to the loo and throw up to order. Whenever you eat you bring up a little food into the back of your throat ( possoting I think it's called) But for all that I don't do it now. I don't even think about it. Go get your help.

Thank you for response .. know he is ... said i know .. hoping hed be honest .. fact he went out to purge .. earlier .. makes me know for definate .. but he wants me to I Think Know but not say or go there ..

Hello, go to your gp, and ask to be seen by a specialist in the mental health field. You can recover from this, you will probably need Cbt therapy, possibly some form of anti depressant and to see a dietitian who can help you work out meal plans. It’s a horrible illness, but your so brave for facing it, don’t wait any longer, there is more to life then such a damaging illness. Good luck x

LBNM19

I am currently 'in recovery' from bulimia which I have had 20 years. It is really hard but the top things that have helped have been:

• Meds (fluoxetine)
• Professional help (which has helped me to plan and hold myself to account).
• The Recovery Record app
• BEAT support chatrooms
• Mindfulness and yoga

Do go to your GP - they will help, and although recovery is not all great and easy, nor is letting an ED run your life - and I am sure that is not actually how you want to live your life either.

I’m really struggling with this too - I’ve been doing this for 10 years. When work stress is bad it gets worse and now I’m home alone for a week I don’t know how I’m going to stop. In a way I wish it would trigger a heart attack then I don’t have to deal with anything else.
My DP knows about it kind of but I don’t tell him how bad it is when I’m alone because he has to travel for work and I don’t want him to worry or feel guilty about leaving me.
I went to my GP and he said it’s not an eating disorder it’s OCD and it doesn’t need referral - I think it’s because I don’t ‘look’ like I have an eating disorder, just a ‘normal’ size 10/12.
I don’t know how to help myself anymore. I’d never hurt myself but I just wish I wasn’t here anymore.
To be honest I don’t know what I think I’m going to gain from posting this but I just want someone to know even if it’s anonymous.

MsChanandlerBoing

Hello, I am so sorry you are going through this. It's such a personal thing to struggle with but you are not alone. I am not bulimic but have had an ED - it's about managing it. Even acknowledging it and posting it online shows that you want to get help so I hope the below suggestions help you in someway.

Firstly go back to the GP , ask to see another doctor. You really have to push it even though you don't want to and won't feel up to it. It is so awful that they are judging your ED on how you look!!! The sad thing is you have to be critical and look terrible to be taken seriously. Or ask for the GP who is a specialist in Eating disorders/psychiatry as there should be one (I think doctors surgery have to have GPs specialising in different medical areas).

Please ask to be put in the 'system' ie you need to ask to be referred to see a psychiatrist - this might take up to 6 weeks. I know exactly how it goes. I've been in the 'system' for years. I'm ok at the moment....it does and can get better but I've been in the darkest place too and this is when you need specialist ,medical help. You will be referred to a psychiatrist who will be able to diagnose you better and could make you an outpatient in the local ED clinic which really does give you support.

The BEAT helpline is 0808 801 0677 - I haven't used it before but feeling like I might have to as I'm feel a relapse happening. Also it does help to know I can ask to see a psychiatrist when I need it.

Cliche as it sounds the first step is the hardest. Goodluck xx

Thank you so much for your reply.

I know that the first step is the hardest - it took so much for me to go to the GP the first time (I was in tears in the office) I don’t know if I have it in me to go back but I know I have to.

When I was at university I went to the counselling services when things were bad after a sudden bereavement but I didn’t know how to describe my feelings or talk about it so it was a bit of a waste and stopped it. I don’t know if a psychiatrist is any different? Are they easier to talk to/help you understand your feelings? I don’t want to waste their time.

I might give BEAT a call today for some advice - thank you again.

No problem, please don't think you're alone however lonely it can get.

Make an appointment tomorrow morning and don't think about it anymore. This is what docs get paid for, it is their job. Go along knowing this is the start of getting help.

Before the appointment write a list of exactly how you feel/what is going on and take it with you and give it to the doctor. In this way it is clear and won't cause you more distress having to retell the situation to another doc. I find GP's don't want to be responsible for a mental health problem so if you asked to be referred to a psychiatrist/mental health services they'll do it quickly.
If the GP says you can self-refer so 'no' and insist they do it for you.

Counselling/talking therapy can be useful but it so depends on your therapist and the purpose of the therapy. I think we're fed this idea that therapy is the cure but for some people, me included i have found it a waste of time and a bit wishy washy....also there is a danger it can open up a Pandoras box and you can become too introspective. When you have a clinical mental illness you need at least counselling and medication....this is only my opinion.

In my experience the psychiatrists I have seen are amazing. They are medical so very straight-forward and seen it all before and have insight in to what is going on and how best to tackle it. For me I've always felt the psychiatrists I've seen are sensible and explain things in a non-patronising manner, they don't make you feel like a freak or that you are wasting their time. Remember it's their job and they went didn't train for years to not practice psychiatry.

Good luck.