Pregnancy and disordered eating behaviours

[Maddymint]

I've suffered every eating disorder going over the past 15 years (primarily bulimia with excessive exercise) and pre-pregnancy (16 weeks now) I'd got myself into a really good place. Eating sensibly, and healthily, enjoying food and had found an exercise that I really enjoyed (weight lifting) rather than running 10 miles to burn calories. I also looked good, fit and toned.

In my first 16 weeks (found out at 4) I have been starving and nauseous in equal measures and as a result I've gained a massive amount of weight (approx 1-1.5 stone) and I feel revolting. I'm finding myself creeping back into my old mindset, and am planning my diets for after the birth and am creeping back towards binge eating (no purging).

I'm so happy to be pregnanct (2 years ttc) and I should feel over the moon but I just feel embarrassed of my size and generally disgusting in myself. Wearing massive clothes to hide my body and not wanting my husband to touch me. I can't go on like this for the next 24 weeks and I'm also scared of what will happen post pregnancy when my body is mine again.

Anyone been in or in a similar position and can offer some words of support? Harsh if needs be, I need to nip this in the bud now before it gets out of hand but I feel hopeless.

That’s sounds really hard Op.
Could you speak to your GP or midwife about what your feeling?
1-1.5 stone isn’t a massive amount of weight, your body is just trying to get all the nutrients it needs to make a healthy baby.
💐

Thanks for replying.

I guess I'm posting now as I'm toying with the idea of telling mw on Fri. They know about my history so they do ask me. I've had numerous treatments over the years, counselling, cbt and the GPs favourite anti-depressants and I know that nothing helped apart from me getting in the right mindset myself, that was after I had my daughter who is now 4. I just feel like there must be something I can do to pull myself out of this.

I'm going through a similar thing, I had anorexia a few years ago and had treatment to restore my weight but it turned into bulimia and restrictive ED. I've been struggling with body image through my pregnancy so far (I'm 21 weeks) and am finding it so hard, especially atm I always feel hungry but am terrified every time I eat in case I can't stop. I feel so horrible about the way I look, it seems like I'm never going to be able to go back to being how thin I was when I was anorexic which scares me so much. I just keep thinking after giving birth I want to lose all the weight again as I feel so repulsive now.