Please or to access all these features

Eating disorders

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Mum encouraging disordered eating in kids

5 replies

user1494161156 · 20/12/2017 12:01

A woman I know (I hesitate to call her a friend) has two daughters, aged 7 and 9. The 9yo is naturally very skinny. The 7yo is a bit chunkier, but not at all unhealthy. They both do loads of sport and eat properly.

The problem is their mother is completely neurotic about food and weight. She's a former model, trophy wife, obviously worried her rich husband will leave her for a younger woman if she loses her looks. She constantly comments on other people's size and always talks about how she's trying to lose weight (even though she's a size 10 if not smaller). She'll say things like, "Oh God, yesterday I had an ice-cream!" as if she's confessing to taking cocaine.

I'm really worried for her kids, especially the younger one. The mum has told me many times that she wants the 7yo to lose weight although there is no medical reason for this. I've heard her tell them things like, "Today Mummy isn't going to eat anything because she's on a diet." Once, when I was staying with them, she was getting her 7yo dressed for ballet and grabbed the girl's bum/thighs and said to me, "Look, she has all this..." She didn't say the word "fat" but she obviously meant that she thinks her pre-pubescent child is unattractively chubby. The other day she told me that she's started giving the 7yo goat's milk instead of normal milk because it's less fattening.

I'm so worried for these kids, I can't stop thinking about them. They are young enough at the moment that I think it goes over their heads, but in a few years' time I'm sure it will really affect them. How can this woman be so stupid and shallow?

I suppose my question is: should I say anything to the mother? I know her fairly well, but we're not close friends or anything. Would I be overstepping the mark? Or is it only fair to intervene on the part of the children?

OP posts:
Dozer · 20/12/2017 12:02

Don’t say anything. Not your problem

Dozer · 20/12/2017 12:03

If she has deepseated issues she is hardly likely to react well to criticism from someone she doesn’t know well!

user1494161156 · 20/12/2017 12:10

OP here. I suppose I should also say that I am particularly sensitive about eating disorders because I was very close to someone who suffered very badly from anorexia/bulimia.

OP posts:
Chocolate50 · 24/12/2017 23:47

Yh i would say something because its really damaging.
Try suggesting that someone you know or knew had a parent/relative who kept talking about weight to their kids & it really impacted on their confidence & self esteem. Not to mention this could give the children a complex about food eating& weight.
Or go in directly & say it makes you feel uncomfortable when she says things like that to her children.
Another way is to talk to her about the issues she has, has she spoken to someone or ecer been in treatment etc, clearly she has issues, get her to open up about her own experiences as a child, she might have been over fed sweets or food or talked to in the same way.
I think softly softly. But I wouldn't ignore it. Completely disagree with the other comments on here. I think with children we all have a responsibility.

Branleuse · 24/12/2017 23:49

The children are probably beyond saving if their parent is like that. Thats heavy

New posts on this thread. Refresh page