11 year old daughter

[jojomumstepmum]

Hello, I hope you can help me. I have been increasingly worried about my daughter weight gain the past few months and have had a couple of conversations about it, both of which I have tried to keep low key but understandably she gets upset about it.
Anyway, last night she said she was going to bed and I went into the kitchen to find her jump out of her skin and when I looked at what she was doing I saw her with 2 pieces of bread and a huge amount of chocolate spread, I asked what she was doing and she said it her School lunch (ummmm I don't think so as we had already said she was having School dinner and also we don't eat chocolate spread sandwiches), we then went upstairs to have a chat where she admitted that she takes food up to her room (even though she isn't hungry) and she does it when she feels stressed. I was shocked but she then also told me she can stop because she stopped before, she was previously bullied and told me she used to gorge then too and stopped on her own. I am devastated I didn't know but I can't change that now.

I hate the fact that she has told me she hates the way she looks and feels good when she starved herself but then gets hungry and can't stop eating. She is only 11 and it's so horrible to see her like this.
She was devastated last night because she was embarrassed. She has barely looked at me tonight nor spoken.

PLEASE any advice. I don't want to make it worse but I also don't want to ignore it.

Thank you in advance.
Jo

can you ask her to come and speak to you when she feels stressed/when she feels like going and getting extra food etc. Talking might diffuse the need to deal with her feelings by eating?

Yes I have done exactly that but my concern is that she will not do so. I don't want to say I don't trust her, as this is not her fault but I worry if there is a real problem rather than just a little habit she won't come and talk to me. Does that make sense?
Thank you for sending me a message. I appreciate it xx

Sorry to hear that your DD is so stressed and that she has been bullied. It's understandable that you are worried.

How about starting off by taking her to the gp to see how overweight she really is? Pre-teens often go through a pudgy stage before shooting up in adolescence, and so a few extra pounds could be totally normal and after all, there is a huge spectrum of weights and heights in one school year.

I hope this doesn't sound goady (not my intention at all!) but I was a bit concerned when I read that your daughter had jumped out of her skin when you found her in the kitchen making herself a sandwich; I only say this because I have a teen dd and this wouldn't be a particularly big deal here - although I might encourage healthier choices from time to time. I know you said you kept your conversations about weight gain low key; but is it possible (from her reaction to you entering the kitchen) that she may have taken them a bit too much to heart?

My advice, fwiw, is to get an objective view from gp, keep everything very very stress free and don't make a fuss if she makes an unhealthy snack from time to time or you risk her becoming secretive about the whole issue which is the last thing you want. If doc says she is within normal range, or slightly above, then I wouldn't mention it again and just model eating three healthy meals a day at table and taking exercise. Oh and of course getting to the bottom of bullying issue too and perhaps getting her some help with self esteem issues - a martial art or encouraging an activity she is good at! Good luck op.

(Obviously if gp says she is seriously overweight then he or she will advise but if this is not the case, I would back off totally and just encourage body confidence etc.)

might be worth talking to the GP, especially if you're worried about her weight.