So I feel I should post a disclaimer saying how ashamed and embarrassed I am to be writing this. I never thought this would be me. I used to be a happy, healthy size 8-10.
After DS was born 5 years ago, and through pregnancy, I began eating a lot and rather unhealthily too. I can't help myself, it is like a compulsion.
I yo yo diet, so I will stuff my face with whatever I can find, I make special trips out for food, I find excuses to go to the supermarket to buy junk and then I sit in the car park, stuff my face then put it in the bin before going home. Then I feel so guilty that I promise I will start dieting on x date. So in the run up, I eat as much as I can, I restrict myself and try to eat healthy for a few days when I start dieting, then one night I will lose all willpower, will eat anything I can find in the house, will order junk food etc and the cycle starts again.
I am a size 16-18, I weigh 15 stone. I know it's not healthy, please don't flame me for this. I know it's not setting a good example to my child.
I just feel I have no control over it. I am so embarrassed to be this way. I have anxiety and depression, and it definitely correlates with low moods and then I feel guilty for binging. I can easily eat a full packet of biscuits in one sitting.
On my way home from work this afternoon I called at KFC ... took it home as DP was at work, ate half of it then he came home early. I panicked and shoved it in the wardrobe. I have justcput DC to bed and afterwards found myself sat on the wardrobe floor (it's a large walk in one) eating the rest of the cold food and then guiltily shoving it into a bag so I can sneak it into the bin tomorrow when he's at work. I should say he is not controlling over food in the slightest, it is my embarrassment making me do this.
I have a problem, don't I. How do I combat this. Please help I'm so desperate now. I'm sick of being fat, I'm sick of being unable to stick to a diet or simple healthy eating regime no matter how hard I try.