Worried about losing control, is this an ok weight?

[Laladog]

I had an eating disorder when I was younger. I'm 22 now and sometimes it still pops up in spells and I'm just a bit worried about losing control of my weight. I was slightly overweight when I was younger and due to an ED I dropped a lot of weight very quickly. I'm now 5'6 And weigh according to my recent doctors visit 121 lbs (55kg). I know this weight is completely healthy and all I'm just worried I'm going to end up a lot heavier due to my currently eating horribly and having a sedentary lifestyle. A few months ago it was 114 lbs. Is it healthy to try to get back to this weight or should I stay the weight I am? I am not trying to offend anyone with a similar or over BMI (19.4) as I know that is completely healthy and acceptable and in no way overweight, I'm just a bit fucked in the head. Can I go back to 114? I do not think that I am overweight but I just don't want it to get out of control. Any advice is really appreciated

Hi Laladog didn't want to leave you here with no replies. I think the first thing I would say is that control seems a really big part of your thinking, with a very specific focus on numbers on the scales.

The first thing I would do is forget the numbers and focus on what it feels like to start eating intuitively and without restriction/under/over eating. Maybe start having a look at some intuitive eating resources and learn to trust yourself and your body.

I know this is really hard, I've had years of trying to get this right and it is a long process but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if you to continue to worry about your numbers and judge your worth by the figures on a scale you are going to continue to slip an and out of disordered eating.

Diets do not work, not in a long term, sustainable, living your life way. Ditch that idea. Good luck on your journey.

114 is nearly too thin. "Losing control" can mean being "too thin" too.
Could you find a support group? BEAT do a lot of online support. I think you need to talk about feelings & beliefs, not food & weight. Good Luck. x

Agree with others, it's not about how many pounds or what BMI you are. Numbers on charts are pretty limited in their usefulness on a day to day basis when it comes to health, food and exercise etc.

Did you have any talking therapy before to help you recover? I agree that some ongoing support might be useful. As someone with MH issues myself.... I can say that usually by the time I notice I may be off course a little, I've probably been way off course for some time.