Could do with some help

[thelonelyscriptures]

Hi ladies.

This is really hard for me to talk about but I have to.
I have a really bad relationship with food. I've dabbled with bulimia for the last decade. It started in college for a few months, then really kicked in around 2014. It went on for nearly a year, I lost loads of weight, but I received nothing but compliments on my looks! I'm short and have always been a bit dumpy but this was the first time I felt sexy. I had a close friend who starved herself and took effys to stay thin so I started restricting my diet, throwing up whatever I ate and taking effys. I lost 3 stone and looked better than ever. I met my now DH and stopped slowly. It was hard to restrict my diet or throw up if he was around. It never really went away fully. Now we're married, live together and have a baby. He's only a few months old but I've piled on so much weight since being pregnant, I'm the biggest I've ever been. My Mam has made a few comments but my OH doesn't recognise that I've gained so much weight. I've been recommended not to start taking the pill again as my BMI is through the roof. I'm 5'2 and around 12 stone. Wear a size 12 which is a bit confusing.
It's started up again. I'm on mat leave and find myself eating and purging most days. I'm so upset with how I look. I can't afford the gym, there isn't really a walking route near me, I don't know what to do. I am happy with my DH and my son but so miserable with how I look and what my body has done.
Any advice?

Hi @thelonelyscriptures I've only just read your post. Well done for being so brave and admitting your problems 'out loud'.

Sounds like you've found yourself heading back into old habits. This isn't a surprise I guess as the reasons why you started down this track don't seem to have been resolved. Sounds like it's been lying dormant.

From my experience I definitely start back into old habits when I hit certain triggers. As an example, this week my DH is away working. This is a bit of a disaster for me. I totally lose control and either restrict or binge and generally hit the bottle. I completely lose all control. I'm getting there in terms of recovery but I'm v glad he's back tomorrow!

First thing I would do is get help. Contact BEAT, the eating disorder charity and your GP. Counselling can be v effective too.

Having someone you're accountable to can be really good too. Just someone you can check in with a couple of times a week can help.

Do you have good support?

Name changed obviously.

Having some issues tonight. Just had a massive curry and tried to have a little purge but my friends are still here and I don't want them to know. Someone talk me down? Or suggest how I can get away with it?

Oh sorry. I'm pissed and meant to start my own thread rather than hijacking yours. I do get how you feel though. It is just so miserable being in this headspace. Maybe try confining in your OH. I am sure he will help you if you reach out.