Slipping into old ways

[bryonyworried]

New to Mumsnet.
I am a 45 yo separated from her partner woman. My Dad left us on Christmas day when I was 12 & I developed an eating disorder. I can remember my brother screaming at me "Why don't you just eat ??". I recovered but have have always been on the slim side.
My weight has always been approx 9- 9.5 stone since then and I am 5'6"
I have lost 2 stone since Christmas due to stress. Everything hangs off me.
I am now paranoid about putting on weight. I constantly check I can feel my hip bones. Last night I had to go out for dinner and I was terrified. I throw food in the bin if it is a temptation. Feel like I am spiralling

You poor thing, you must be feeling very scared. Can you contact your doctor in the morning to see if she could maybe help you?

You may already know about BEAT which is an eating disorder charity. They run a helpline which you can contact. I don't know the opening hours but you can find information and contact details for BEAT online at:
www.b-eat.co.uk/contact-us

You must be feeling really alone but you are not alone. Lots of people are suffering exactly like you. My 18 year old daughter is going through the same as you and is actually in hospital at the moment. If you can please reach out to someone. My daughter tells me that sometimes it helps to talk to someone who knows exactly how she feels.

You have done really well to manage your condition and this is probably a relapse. My daughter says talking about it lessens the fear a bit. She is being medicated and I can see that her anxiety is reducing slightly.

I would really love you to contact someone, if BEAT isn't open perhaps you can speak to the Samaritans. Lots of people feel exactly the same as you, it is not just you. I hope that you get some support as soon as you can. You sound like a lovely person and all you need is some help like we all do for lots of reasons. I am thinking about you and supporting you from afar. Take care of yourself x

Hello.

Firstly, well done for recognising what's happening and confronting it - that's an amazing thing. I also sometimes feel the pull of a downward spiral after or during periods of stress and I find it helps to concentrate on eating well (good healthy fats and foods, low or no sugar etc.) and being strong. It helps to make me feel in control of what i'm eating because I know i'm only eating the good stuff to be strong and powerful. I exercise as well but not relentlessly - just a couple of classes at the gym a week, or an evening jog/walk.

I used to get a thrill out of feeling empty but I'm starting to nurture the thrill of feeling strong in both mind and body. Do you think that might work for you?

Is there anything else that you know has worked for you in the past? Times when you've thought, hey. actually I feel pretty daym fiiine?

Another thing I'd say, is tell one of your close friends who you trust will deal well with this, or your GP. Once you've told someone it's much harder to carry on - mostly out of guilt I find!

Thinking of you. Let us know how you get on x