Can't stand this feeling

[thatcoldfeeling]

I literally cannot stand the feeling of food in my stomach right now, I have been b/p'ing all day (as per last few weeks) I feel exhausted, cold, like I needed to just eat, but to not purge is like hell. I am just thinking about throwing myself off the cliffs, I can't stand it, I feel gross, so totally gross, I can't bear it. Nobody IRL knows or would ever suspect because I am such a fat cow and nobody cares anyway, and if they did know they would only be disgusted anyway.
Really can't cope with my life :(

This sounds so, so hard, thatcoldfeeling
People do care, I care (via a screen, I know).
I know there are massive gaps in NHS mental health provision. But can you be open about how things are with your GP?
Have you got any help from b-eat?
www.b-eat.co.uk
Struggling to cope with this on your own is too much. Even if past help hasn't worked out it is worth trying again.
Big, gentle hug x x

Thanks.
B-eat were a bit useless when I contacted them, just signposted me to other resources, none of which were suitable.
I am in the NHS gap at the moment waiting for an appointment later this month. I need it now I cannot cope at all.All I have in my head is flashbacks and suicide thoughts, DS has gone completely out of control, I have spent all my money and maxed my credit card on food I am purging, everything is just a mess.