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Eating disorders

Getting it right with an eating disorder

5 replies

Hurr1cane · 09/07/2014 10:57

I have an eating disorder. I always have really, I know I do. I'll ignore my weight and carry on ignoring the niggling until one day I'll actually look in the mirror and thing "you massive fat horror"

I'm not overweight. I know I'm not. I weight 10st1 and am 5"7.5 so I'm right in a healthy BMI. But when I looked in the mirror the other week I thought that I was wobbly and wanted to tone up and shed pounds. So, I reverted right back to my usual habits, starving myself, and throwing up everything I put in my mouth.

This morning I woke up and my stomach ached, my throat hurt and I felt dizzy and faint Hmm I know that isn't healthy so instead I googled healthy weight loss and went to tesco and bought some scales and healthy food.

My goal is to follow my fitness pal and only lose what's healthy to lose as well as working out. I've been doing T25.

For breakfast I've had one egg scrambled dry and a glass of fruit smoothie.

I'm going to keep it down me. I'm not going to fall back into my weird little mix of anorexia and bulimia again. I'm going to stay within the healthy BMI and I'm going to tone up by exercising, not starving.

Except I know I probably won't.

I really want to do it all right this time.

Is anyone else trying to do it right now?

I suppose I'm looking for some support because I'm pretty isolated in RL.

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SugarAndSpice126 · 09/07/2014 17:52

Sorry I don't have any experience of this personally, but wanted to bump for you - hope someone comes along who can say something more useful.

Well done for working so hard to get better though, I imagine it must be very tough. Though I haven't had an eating disorder, I have/do suffer from depression so I know it's very tough to force yourself to take care of yourself and get healthy again.

Have you been to your GP for support? See if you could get some counselling or similar? I think there are also some support groups for eating disorders on here as well as in RL? Could you look into those?

Really well done for being so determined in this though - you can do it, even if it might be very difficult. Don't tell yourself you can't do it though...if you think that then you probably won't. Try to think as positively as you can. It will be tough but many people have beat eating disorders and gone on to have a healthy life, and there is no reason why you can't be one of them.

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KittyandTeal · 09/07/2014 18:02

I feel for you. I've suffered various desiring my life.

They say you never recover, you're just 'in remission' while you're eating healthily.

Saying that I'm now a healthy weight with a healthy life style.

I use myfitnesspal, it helps me feel in control. I also go to the gym 2-3 times a week (would be more if I could get childcare). The gym helps me get out my negative feelings towards myself. Odd as it sounds, instead of self harming I just really push myself at the gym.

I do think that eating lots of fresh, often raw, fruit and veg and regular exercise has helped my mental health.

If I can do it so can you. I'm 32 and have had 'food issues' since I was 18 and decided I would just stop eating! It's not easy but it sounds like you're determined, and if you do it this way you'll see results quickly and start feeling better. Hopefully that'll stop you for slipping onto bad habits.

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Hurr1cane · 10/07/2014 04:42

Thank you? I can't really go to the GP or counselling as DS is disabled and I care for him on my own so I don't really get a minute but I don't find that's something that works for me personally anyway. I'm quite shy in RL and talking to a stranger probably just wouldn't happen.

But I'm doing T25 at home. The exercise makes me feel better I find Smile plus DS thinks I'm doing a funny dance and sits giggling at me so it feels like a game Grin

I know I won't ever fully recover. It was never a "serious" eating disorder though I don't think. After a couple of months I always eventually managed to pull myself out of it, throw my scales out and stop thinking about weight and avoid mirrors. But it clearly hasn't worked because I keep slipping back, so this time I'm trying to make a life style change instead.

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mummyxtwo · 19/08/2014 22:12

Hi there. I can relate as I used to suffer from anorexia, and went a long time obsessed with body image, BMI, calories and eating, and was at rock bottom for a while. I purged after eating anything but occasionally binge-ate too because the starvation made me crave food. It is so awful and draining to be constantly obsessed about these things.

They say you never recover, you're just 'in remission' while you're eating healthily.
I would agree with that to an extent, but do consider myself fully recovered. My dc's are 5 and nearly 2 and I have not engaged in any 'abnormal' eating behaviour since before becoming pregnant with ds1. For some time before actually, as I had to recover considerably to get my periods and fertility back to be able to start a family.

I am always aware that I have the potential within me to slip back to old habits and wrong beliefs if I let myself. I prevent this by being healthy - I run a lot, which I do now because I love it and not to lose weight as I used to, and I eat healthily but not freakily - I have treats and I like chocolate. For a while I threw out my scales, but then bought some more because I realised that my brain can lie to me about my weight, but the scales do not. So I ensure that my weight stays fairly steady - I don't mind if I gain a few pounds at times, but I make sure I stay within the boundaries of what is normal for me if I have a healthy lifestyle. That also applies if I lose weight, whereas in the past I would of course have just welcomed and sought as much weight loss as possible.

If I didn't keep this level of control in my life and gained a lot of weight, I am sure it would precipitate a crash to my previous anorexic levels. I am determined not to ever let that happen, for the sake of my dc's. However hard it might be at times, I will not let them see that I have strange or obsessive eating habits, in case I transfer that onto them. Having that determination and focus does help me put it into perspective and helps me if I am feeling a little wobbly. Sometimes I'll eat a cake when I don't want to just to show my dc's that I do eat treats.

I don't know if any of that helps you, I am sorry for the waffle. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that others have been in your position but managed to get out of it, and wanted to share what has worked for me. All the best to you x

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Sleepwhenidie · 03/09/2014 13:51

Hurr1cane can you see any link between your state of mind/what is going on in your life generally and how you feel about your reflection? You know rationally that you are a healthy weight and don't need to diet - often when we have negative emotions/situations going on in our those feelings are sort of taken out on our appearance, does that make any sense? Conversely, when life is good and we are happy we can feel positive about our reflection, when is is exactly the same as the 'flabby' one! So for me the solution is to look at what else is going on in life and see what positive changes can be made, rather than putting all the focus on your body which isn't the real issue? This often means making some time for ourselves, to do what soothes, excites, relaxes, stimulates or nourishes us, although there can also be bigger changes required (work/relationships for example).

At the same time, approach your diet with a view to what positive things food can do for your body if you make certain choices, nourishing it with good, delicious, quality food. Don't think about calories, think about good quality protein, good fat, fresh veg and fruit, fantastic luxury chocolate. Always the best quality you can get. Do this - feeding your body well, allowing yourself pleasure in eating, rather than depriving it. In the same vein, move in a way you find enjoyable, not doing exercise you hate, just to burn calories. This all fosters positive feelings and habits that will build and create a more positive body image, more inclination to take care of yourself, and improved self esteem.

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