telling family / asking for support

[runningLou]

Hi all I was just diagnosed yesterday with bulimia but my experiences are not as severe as some on this forum so I apologise if it's the wrong place to post. I have non-purging kind so alternate binges with severe calorie restriction and intensive exercise. I have not told anyone about the diagnosis. My sister has just been diagnosed with anorexia and is waiting for treatment. I am 34. DH is unaware, as are the rest of the family.
Who should I tell? What are the ways they can help me? Uncertain how to move forward from here.

Tell whom you feel comfortable telling,but If not your dh I'd wonder why you can't
Will you be under a psychiatrist or cmht,or gp?whats your treatment plan
Do be realistic of expectations ways they can help It may be they listen or are empathic

What has the person who diagnosed you said about treatment running

I saw a psychiatrist who has put me on list to start recovery treatment - kit's a 10 week course starting in June. I am moving house in July though so they may discontinue treatment.
Told DH tonight but he didn't get it at all, just tried to reassure me about my appearance and couldn't get the emotional side of eating ... I have asked for his support in removing certain foods from the house to try and prevent binges though.

I was using laxatives but have stopped since first appointment with psychiatrist 3 weeks ago.

In terms of what to expect, I can't say specifically what the counsellor/doctor you will see will do but I am an Eating Psychology Coach, I think the approach I take is slightly different in that I combine nutrition with psychology. So I would start with discussing your life in general, how long you've had the issues, what you eat, normally, when/how and what you binge on. I may tweak your diet a bit to see what effect, if any this had on the binges (if you restrict food all day for example, it's highly likely you will binge in the evening simply because you are hungry!), then go deeper to look at the emotional issues behind it all and try and address those. Hopefully your person will do similar work with you to get to the bottom of it all and try and help you re-learn healthier coping mechanisms and better self esteem- willpower is not an effective tool as you've probably found . Good luck. .

Eating psychology coach?i do believe that's an unregulated job.if you were a psychologist you'd be chartered
I don't think it's appropriate to be dispensing advice when op is under a psychiatrist
Op,best wishes with recovery and hope treatment goes well

Erm..I wasn't dispensing any advice , I was suggesting what she may expect from her treatment as OP asked.

By prefixing with eating psychology coach You're alluding to having a particular knowledge and you have veered into giving advice
You have no more knowledge than a member of public I'd stay clear of discussing her self esteem and strategies
As an unregulated job,you of course know it's not standardised training and title is unprotected

It may not be regulated but I most certainly do have particular knowledge, it is effective and I explained how I work.. Stating my job title was clarifying that I am not a psychiatrist. Most eating disorders will feature issues with self esteem at their core, not exactly a specialist viewpoint.

So in fact the unregulated status,non-standardised training meaning it's not a skill or knowledge set
It's random,untested,no scientific basis,and anyone could set up now and practice
It's not a skilled role

Scottish I'm not about to have a row about my qualifications on someone else's thread (but for the record it is a training course based in the US), if you'd like to chat about 'testing' then there's at least two long term mn'etters that I'm sure would be happy to send you testimonials with details of their experiences with it and me.

Anecdotal accounts,are just that.anecdotal and placebo effect

Yeah ok Scottish , you've made a judgement about what I do, knowing nothing about it, you are clearly an expert in the field, so I'll leave you to it .

yes that's the thing as it's unregulated job,so I could legally proclaim myself expert.yes indeed
I could set up the scottish school of eating psychology coach and award a diploma
And there lies the issue,unregulated jobs that allude to having experts and knowledge set

Scottish, what on earth would your issue with another poster, have to offer the op looking for help? She has said it's hard to talk about and you derailed her thread. not nice. I am a MN who has been pulled out of a dark place quite a few times by
Sleepwhenidie. just like any other MN could. She just happens to have more understanding and experience in this area than most. I know others that benefit too. To me, it's no different to well known MN members giving advice every day.

op how are you doing? Firstly well done for having the courage to ask for help. I'm sorry that DH didn't grasp all you were trying to tell him. Is he perhaps the kind of person who could do some research to improve his knowledge with your help?

That aside there are plenty of us here, (many lurking too) that are happy to listen and talk through things. Even if its just general chit chat. I think we all find it helpful. In New Blog posts we have a rather long chat going, if it's something you want to join in it's always great to see more names. I will watch this thread, so if you need to talk I can come back.x

Thank you Fighting, it's good to know people are listening. Really struggling at the moment for a number of reasons ... One of my sisters has just been diagnosed as anorexic also, and my issues just pale into insignificance in relation to what she's going through as she now has total food phobia, is barely eating and having panic attacks. She is losing weight very rapidly, is signed off work, and has moved back in with my mum. I feel like I have nothing to worry about in comparison. I've never got to the stage where I was really endangering my health and I've always had enough physical and mental energy to look after the kids.
Also, I managed not to binge this weekend, which is a really big thing for me, as Saturdays and Sundays are normally when I go mad, mad, mad on junk carbs and this weekend I was really focusing on veg, protein, and eating at meal times. Anyway I did it, weighed in this morning and I weigh more than I did at the end of last weekend - which included a big binge. No idea what to make of this. It could be hormonal. AF is completely AWOL at the moment so no idea where I am in my cycle. Am fighting to control the urge to take laxatives as I feel really bunged up from all the protein.
Am very, very worried about next week to as we're meant to be going to stay with my mum for the week (Mon-Sat), and her house is carb city, and I always binge there without fail, and also my sister will be there not eating anything and looking skinny, and I know the combination of her presence and my mum's biscuit tin / bread bin will be lethal for me in terms of bingeing. I haven't told my mum, as she is so worried about my sister ... No idea how I'll cope next week.

Hi running, given all of the above, please tell me if you don't want any advice from me and I'll butt out, but I'm concerned about how stressed you sound. I know it's not going to work as a long term strategy but can you get out of the visit to your mum's? Would it make you feel better - right now and for the next week or so - if you did?

No, I can't get out of the visit, or cut it short We are meant to be moving closer to my mum in the summer and visit next week involves job interviews for DH, visiting future school for DD, and also (very sadly) funeral of family friend, so I need to be there. I wish I could get out of it as I feel more in control of things at home. I am very stressed, but that's just a normal state of affairs at the moment (think that explains absence of AF as I'm definitely not under-nourished), so just trying to carry on.

. Ok when you say you 'binge' do you mean ongoing, steady eating through the day or is it a short frenzy type thing? Also do you believe you have trigger foods or is it particular situations/emotions that trigger you? Why would you say you managed not to binge over the weekend just gone?

Bingeing can be either of those ... on weekends it's often a combination of the two, steady eating with peaks of eating loads in late afternoon and evening. At my mums it can be worse - I can start off with a breakfast binge and then continue through the day. Trigger foods are biscuits, cakes, bread, bagels, cereals, crackers ...
Emotions - I'm not so sure ... probably involvement in a situation that I can't see how I can change the outcome. On Friday afternoon I spoke to my dad (separated from my mum) on the phone about my sister's issues, then after having had a good day up till then I went and ate a bag of chocolate buttons I'd been saving as a treat for DS (currently potty training). I know it was only a small thing in terms of quantity but I felt awful.
I think I managed not to binge this weekend because I planned meals in advance, planned not to buy biscuits or desserts, went to bed early and deliberately ate more protein.

Ok, can you envisage a particular time, the low point if you like, where if you are at your mum's and have managed to eat well for a while but then really need to binge, when would that be and what would you eat, if you could choose anything? Also, if there was no food whatsoever available at that point (and you can't go and get any!) what could/would you do instead?

It would probably be early in the morning when I am on my own in the kitchen with DS before anyone else is up. I would eat bowl after bowl of cereal and endless slices of toast washed down with sweet, milky coffee. If there was no food available I would fret and fret, then when DH woke up and could take charge of DS I would go for a run.

Ok, I suspected you might like running! Anything else you can think of that might make you feel happier/calmer?

Getting out of the house with DH and DC, going for a walk, probably always something involving fresh air and exercise.
I love running and another reason I am currently finding things difficult is that I have terrible knee pain so am having to reduce my runs per week.

Ok, in the interest of damage limitation, by which I mean your mental/emotional state rather than your weight whilst you are at your mum's (you could practice this week before you go)...could you first of all take charge of preparing breakfast each day? It's been proven that if people eat white carbs/sugar for breakfast then people crave more of the same all day-as cereal fulfils this definition perfectly choose a delicious and protein rich alternative. Smoked salmon and scrambled eggs with some wholegrain toast, Greek yoghurt with raw nuts and berries/banana, peanut butter and banana on wholegrain toast, buckwheat pancakes with fruit and full fat yoghurt, asparagus and dippy boiled eggs, bacon, mushrooms and baked beans, spinach and poached eggs on wholegrain toast....

Plan - yes plan - a 'binge' for each day. It sounds as if you are very aware that bingeing is inevitable so choose it and have it on standby for when you really feel you need it. By giving yourself permission to eat 'bad' food, to use it as you need to (because a binge does serve you in some way, it is a coping mechanism) you take away a lot of the food's 'power' - does that make any sense? So when you feel the impulse to eat, try and stop and think whether what you are feeling is hunger (in which case could you choose to eat something more nutritious than sugary carbs) or stress/something else (in which case could you take a walk, go for a run, rant on here, have a bath, paint your nails?) If you are at that place where you need the biscuits (or whatever) then have them, but try and slow right down, breathe, taste and enjoy them.

With all this, keep in mind that your coping mechanism of bingeing could be much worse-drugs, alcohol, gambling for instance do much more harm than food. And you, as you recognise, are in a place where you can relearn (though it will take time, practice and patience with yourself) better ways of coping and being in relationship with food and your body. Your sister isn't so lucky , she's much further along that road of control, I hope she gets better soon

Wrt your knee, I sympathise, I love exercise and being injured is so frustrating. Is there a yoga class near you that you could try?