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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

Original poster

Birth certificate (illegal??)

27 replies

CheeryDeer · 28/02/2025 08:29

UK Based
Hello, hoping for some advise for a friend.
She had a baby and recently got the baby registered, she's currently going through postnatal depression. Heparterner is trans (female-male) and during the registration she left him to do most of the talking, anyways, he put himself down as the dad on the birth certificate. They used an anonymous donor to have a baby together.
She's worried if this will ever get found out and what would happen if it does.
Any help would be great, thank you!

OP posts:
Charcadet · 28/02/2025 08:46

She must have signed the document. Clearly the partner isn't the father. I'm surprised the registrar didn't question it.

It's perjury . Maximum sentence is a prison term. I don't think it could be argued that it was a genuine mistake either.

Chillilounger · 28/02/2025 09:04

Her partner can't do anything on the BC if they're not married so this is all on her. She is responsible for giving the correct information. Best to feed up now, explain she had just given birth etc. The registrar also had a responsibility to make sure she knew the rules so it's in everyone's interest to sort out asap.

YouveGotAFastCar · 28/02/2025 09:05

She needs to tell them. It’ll cause far, far less trouble now than it will down the line and it’ll definitely come to light.

Just get her to contact the registrar and tell them about the error; and they’ll guide her through the process from here.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 28/02/2025 09:10

She needs to get it sorted out ASAP. It's a criminal offense to provide incorrect information on a Birth certificate.

They can both be registered as parents using the correct process but a female can not legally or otherwise be a father to a child.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/02/2025 09:12

She needs to call the registry office now and explain that her partner put her under pressure but she needs to rectify this

PithyMentor · 28/02/2025 09:12

You say anonymous donor - did they do this via a fertility clinic? If so it’s pretty likely the partner is the other legal parent (’dad’), as long as they signed the right paperwork - www.hfea.gov.uk/treatments/explore-all-treatments/using-donated-eggs-sperm-or-embryos-in-treatment/legal-implications-of-using-donated-sperm/

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/02/2025 09:12

Maybe you could call the registry office for her and without giving her name explain what happened , they can tell you what happens and what to do

Btowngirl · 28/02/2025 14:41

We are 2 mums and both on the birth certificate. Granted we are married, but legal parenthood still stands if they went through the fertility journey together via a clinic. This is why there’s quite a lot of paperwork for both partners to read and sign before starting the treatment. Someone else has posted a link above explaining this process.

In short, if they are married and/or went through the process together via a clinic then there’s no issue.

if they are unmarried and did a ‘DIY’ then technically not. Although who is going to police this I am unsure. If this is the case I guess it would be worth getting to the bottom of whether your friend was coerced into the legal side.

MinPinSins · 02/03/2025 14:48

CheeryDeer · 28/02/2025 08:29

UK Based
Hello, hoping for some advise for a friend.
She had a baby and recently got the baby registered, she's currently going through postnatal depression. Heparterner is trans (female-male) and during the registration she left him to do most of the talking, anyways, he put himself down as the dad on the birth certificate. They used an anonymous donor to have a baby together.
She's worried if this will ever get found out and what would happen if it does.
Any help would be great, thank you!

If they went via a clinic - I can't see how else you would have an anonymous donor - what they have done is perfectly legal. Therefore it can't get found out as nothing has happened.

GinAndGooseberries · 02/03/2025 14:53

I have an anonymous egg donor through an hfea approved UK clinic. They absolutely don't appear on birth certificate. This child gets to make the decision if they want to meet when they are 18 though.

I don't know how the trans issue complicates things though.

Original poster
CheeryDeer · 02/03/2025 14:59

Wasn't through clinic, was through an app. The app if full of anonymous donors. The one they picked is a donor to many baby's. You don't pay as that is illegal. No clinic was involved as that is too expensive.
The biological father is unknown (all information received might as well been done through clinic, very thorough) they didn't meet this person. The donation was left by donor at the my friends partner work and then picked up by them.

In the donors information, he doesn't want any legal rights to the children he helps people have. Just to know the name of the child so he can have all information so that in the future there is no accidental relationships with siblings.

OP posts:
murasaki · 02/03/2025 15:05

The child now has a false document stating a father that isn't correct, that bit should have been left blank, it's not fair on them.

Holdonforsummer · 02/03/2025 15:14

CheeryDeer · 02/03/2025 14:59

Wasn't through clinic, was through an app. The app if full of anonymous donors. The one they picked is a donor to many baby's. You don't pay as that is illegal. No clinic was involved as that is too expensive.
The biological father is unknown (all information received might as well been done through clinic, very thorough) they didn't meet this person. The donation was left by donor at the my friends partner work and then picked up by them.

In the donors information, he doesn't want any legal rights to the children he helps people have. Just to know the name of the child so he can have all information so that in the future there is no accidental relationships with siblings.

Sorry to get off track a bit: This seems all very well but can’t the child use an ancestry website when they are older and potentially track down their biological dad that way? Seems optimistic to think they will stay anonymous?? On a separate note, is her trans partner still legally registered as female or male? That would make the difference between just adding an incorrect person as the ‘dad’ or lying about someone’s legal gender.

BodyKeepingScore · 02/03/2025 15:19

They need to go back to the registrar and tell them what they've done.
These things always come out in the wash and better to own up to it now than get caught out.

Also, a pretty crappy thing to do to the child, to knowingly falsify a legal document they'll rely on for life.

mumda · 02/03/2025 15:25

CheeryDeer · 02/03/2025 14:59

Wasn't through clinic, was through an app. The app if full of anonymous donors. The one they picked is a donor to many baby's. You don't pay as that is illegal. No clinic was involved as that is too expensive.
The biological father is unknown (all information received might as well been done through clinic, very thorough) they didn't meet this person. The donation was left by donor at the my friends partner work and then picked up by them.

In the donors information, he doesn't want any legal rights to the children he helps people have. Just to know the name of the child so he can have all information so that in the future there is no accidental relationships with siblings.

This last bit is a nonsense.
he's not going to be spying and stalking his children!

GCITC · 02/03/2025 15:25

Holdonforsummer · 02/03/2025 15:14

Sorry to get off track a bit: This seems all very well but can’t the child use an ancestry website when they are older and potentially track down their biological dad that way? Seems optimistic to think they will stay anonymous?? On a separate note, is her trans partner still legally registered as female or male? That would make the difference between just adding an incorrect person as the ‘dad’ or lying about someone’s legal gender.

Show quote history

Even with a GRC, they would still be a mother legally.

YellowHatt · 02/03/2025 15:36

In the donors information, he doesn't want any legal rights to the children he helps people have. Just to know the name of the child so he can have all information so that in the future there is no accidental relationships with siblings.

So you this couple have put all their faith into this one man stalking his donor offspring to ensure they don’t accidentally partner up with one of their many many biological half siblings? And also must have had no provable health testing done on him if it wasn’t through a clinic?

Insane.

And I say that as someone who used donor sperm. There are limits and checks put on legitimate donors for a reason. This random man (who is potentially local as he could travel to their place of work) could have literally hundreds of biological children.

Original poster
CheeryDeer · 02/03/2025 15:47

Didn't post this to recieve abuse for how they went about having a baby... people can fall pregnant from a one night stand and have absolutely no information about that persons medical history.

The person my friends used has a full medical report to go by, yes maybe it is all lies but to have such a rude attitude over a situation that was about people wanting to have a baby together who had no other choice (physically or financially) is disgusting.

I don't understand we're the stalking talk has come from, it's up to the people who used him to keep up to date with his information of offsprings so they can keep track in the future.

I'm going to delete this post now, I've had the help I need.

Criticism is not help or advice.

Thank you

OP posts:
YellowHatt · 02/03/2025 15:54

it's up to the people who used him to keep up to date with his information of offsprings so they can keep track in the future.
So every parent has to contact him when their child gets a future partner (or teenage crush)? And if he doesn’t reply…?

who had no other choice (physically or financially)
We also had no choice ‘physically or financially’ by the way.

RaininSummer · 02/03/2025 16:02

murasaki · 02/03/2025 15:05

The child now has a false document stating a father that isn't correct, that bit should have been left blank, it's not fair on them.

This.

Kahless · 02/03/2025 16:05

CheeryDeer · 02/03/2025 14:59

Wasn't through clinic, was through an app. The app if full of anonymous donors. The one they picked is a donor to many baby's. You don't pay as that is illegal. No clinic was involved as that is too expensive.
The biological father is unknown (all information received might as well been done through clinic, very thorough) they didn't meet this person. The donation was left by donor at the my friends partner work and then picked up by them.

In the donors information, he doesn't want any legal rights to the children he helps people have. Just to know the name of the child so he can have all information so that in the future there is no accidental relationships with siblings.

So he wants no rights to the children. But wants their names so he can avoid accidental relationships? How's he going to ensure that then?

How do you know all this? The thoroughness of the clinic?

Ridelikethewindypops · 02/03/2025 16:10

Wasn't through clinic, was through an app. The app if full of anonymous donors. The one they picked is a donor to many baby's. You don't pay as that is illegal
Every part of this paragraph is disturbing and deeply depressing.

murasaki · 02/03/2025 16:43

No one is criticising getting pregnant via a donors although this app does sound dodgy as all get out. They are criticising lying on the birth certificate. A lesbian couple (which is what these two are) wouldn't put one of them down as father, as they are not. So why did they? The child's access to a truthful document should come first, even if that is leaving the father space as unknown.

Original poster
CheeryDeer · 02/03/2025 16:43

Ridelikethewindypops · 02/03/2025 16:10

Wasn't through clinic, was through an app. The app if full of anonymous donors. The one they picked is a donor to many baby's. You don't pay as that is illegal
Every part of this paragraph is disturbing and deeply depressing.

I'm sorry you feel that way but the thousands it cost for people to have a child when they cant have one together, that is disturbing and deeply depressing!

Everyone knew the risks and they didn't pull a straw to see who wins. It wasn't a decision made lightly.

But again, this post isn't about this is it? It's for advice on a birth certificate.

So please, from now on, comment with helpful advice and not criticism about how the child came about!

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeryDeer · 02/03/2025 16:51

thank you for all who have given advice, i have been in touch with the general register office. spoken to a manger who has been there for over 10 years, explained the whole situation and she has explained that all they have to do is pay for the birth certificate to be amened.

all the harsh comments, thank you, but they were no help with this situation!

OP posts: