Single weighing up options

[materialgirl23]

Hi

I'm 39, gonna be 40 in a couple of months. I broke up with my partner who changed his mind about having children, has 2 from previous marriage. I was devastated by this as was mainly with him to start a family.

Anyway I've just had my fertility test results back as:

AMH 4.92
Follicle 6

I was told I'm slightly below average for my age.

I can't afford IVF and due to my age won't be able to access NHS treatment. I can afford IUI though, but I suppose I'm wondering if anyone has any experiences of anything similar and any success stories they can share?

I can probably afford 6 goes of IUI as that would be just a little more than 1 cycle of IVF.

Any support or encouragement welcome, but would also appreciate honest advice.

Thank you!

I think having a child on your own is brilliant, if you can afford it and have some help for when you’re sick etc, great.
My only thought would be that you’re heading towards peri menopause territory, and it can really be brutal.
but good luck in whatever you choose

I know a few people who have had assisted conception - one same set couple had IUI which worked first or second time for their first child, took longer and ivf for the second. It took me (single woman) four rounds of IUI before I switched to IVF with ICSI - two fresh and two frozen transfers and it finally worked. I also know a couple who had many, many rounds of iui but it did eventually work.

Some clinics do packages for IVF - collection, and then all the resulting embryos transferred either fresh or frozen until success. I had a two cycle package. On top of that is the medication which is really expensive.

Happy to answer any questions, good luck on your journey.

Get your clinic to tell you success rates with IUI at your age, and at your AMH etc.

i suspect the answer will be very low, it'll take you over a year to get through 6 IUIs I think, and then you'll be wondering about IVF but older when you do. Maybe worth doing IVF now?

I’d go straight for IVF. If it’s 1 round you can afford, you can save for any subsequent FET’s if necessary. At least then you get your eggs fertilised asap rather than time and possible decline in quality. IUI does have low success rates, it was successful first time with my wife who was mid 30’s with excellent fertility for her age. It didn’t work twice for me in my early 30’s with average fertility for my age. I then went on to have IVF with ICSI which worked first time. Feel free to fire away any questions!

Go for it don’t hesitate I’m sure you could get 1 free cycle of ivf at 39-40 below that it’s 3 cycles good luck

Depends very much on your location - it seems to vary from trust to trust. Plus NHS ivf tends to come with pretty long waiting list for the initial appointment (experience of friends in two different areas, not me).

Thanks everyone.

Unfortunately I'm not eligible for NHS funding in my area as would have to try for at least 6 months, before turning 40. Sadly I don't have that long before I turn 40.

I have support in family members and some friends nearby, and have a fairly well paid job. But still the cost of IVF is so steep, and I've never tried to get pregnant so feel I should try IUI. Especially as it's so much more affordable.

I am going for a HyCosy scan soon so I will find out then if IUI is an option or not.

Fingers crossed!!

Over 35 you don’t have to be trying for 6 months they should start the process straight away 😊

Glad you’ve got good RL support as a potential SMBC- I think it’s so important ❤️
At 38 I had only a slightly better AMH than you (about 6 from what I remember) but a follicle count of 12. But as a SMBC I did 6 failed IUI’s at age 38 before I finally got my DC at age 40 after two rounds of IVF.

In your situation I would personally go straight to IVF - unless doing a certain number of IUI’s to “prove” infertility as a single woman would mean you then qualify for NHS IVF in your area. At over £1000 a pop for donor sperm (sometimes closer to £1400 if you import), cost-wise for 6 IUI’s it soon adds up.

Its really tough but is there any way at all you can stretch to 2 rounds of IVF? (as unfortunately the first round is sometimes more a “trial go” to see how you respond to the medication, which they can then adjust for the second attempt). Some do get lucky on the first IVF round however and it also gives a much clearer overall picture of your fertility than IUI will (things like egg quality for example).

I do understand why you want IUI - I wanted it too as I thought it would be less invasive and just assumed I’d get pregnant on the 3 or 4th try etc as there was no obvious reason not to medically (and like you I’d never attempted to get pregnant before). What I didn’t realise was that apparently IUI doesn’t work much better statistically than natural insemination would - and “older” women often take a long time to conceive when trying naturally due to egg quality, so that all adds up to a lot of failed IUI’s!

Hopefully you will be the exception if you do go down that route 🤞 (we do get the occasional positive IUI story from “older” women on here). At 39, I’d also suggest following the suggestions in the book “ It starts with the Egg” if you aren’t already (I was on NAC, ALA, Ubiquinol, and a good fertility multi - vitamin from what I remember). Good luck !

Thank you to the last poster, sorry no idea to tag. That's really useful. I've just ordered the book, and will have a frank discussion after the HyCosy about my options, weighing it all up.

I'm just finishing An Excellent Choice which is a 38 year olds story and she did conceive via IUI with use of Clomid after about 5 attempts.

The information out there is quite overwhelming as someone entirely new to this, thinking I had a willing partner in tow. But I appreciate a lot of people have very different experiences.

I will keep the post updated, and see how I get on! Your post was helpful though, makes me feel less alone in it.

No worries @materialgirl23 ❤️Hope it all works out for you - there are a lot more “SMBC” out there than you might realise - whether it is truly “by choice” or just necessity once you reach late 30’s without the right partner (I live in a rural part of Wales but I randomly met two other SMBC at toddler groups once I had my DC 🤣).

I must admit though I’d have struggled without the help and support of my parents who live close by. And if you want more recommended reading, the book “Going it alone” by Emily Engel was really useful too - it’s the most comprehensive book for UK SMBC I could find (there are a lot of SMBC books but they are often from an American perspective).

The UK Donor Conception Network charity also has a lot of helpful resources- especially once you get pregnant (things like books on how to tell your child, or how you might discuss donor conception with strangers or your child’s school etc).

Just go for it and try while you still can if its what you really want don’t hesitate good luck 😊

@materialgirl23was thinking of your thread earlier as I am about to begin my IVF journey. Did you opt for IUI?