Just looking for a little bit of advice.
Back Story:
Basically my wife was diagnosed with Leukemia aged 32 and was cured with chemo, radiation and a stem cell transplant. Now 39, she is 7 years on from the transplant and still cancer free and generally very healthy. She does have problems with tiredness and all the symptoms of early onset menopause etc. She is currently not on any treatment for HRT etc which has its own issues.
Amazingly we had a beautiful baby girl in Dec 2023 and she is also very healthy and gorgeous!
This was done through egg donor and procedures were done in Spain. Unfortunately the first attempt did not work and ended in a miscarriage but on 2nd attempt it worked. The pregnancy was relatively smooth other than a lot of tiredness and sleeping and some complications towards the end with high blood pressure and some infections that they kept her in hospital for to monitor.
They tried to induce her birth but ended up having a c-section which went as well as can be expected but mother and baby had to stay in hospital for another 10 days due to infection and possible CMV etc.
One question I am getting medical advice on is how long is it safe and suggested to wait until we possibly try for another baby (there are 2 frozen embryos remaining in Spain).
She was 39 in June and I will be 49 in Dec (But I've already done my part!! Haha).
I have the obvious normal concerns of having a baby too close to the first one and how that will affect our lives especially at our ages and work situations etc.
Ideally I would like to wait a couple of years in between but she feels her clock is ticking.
I have researched and researched and generally Dr. Internet says wait at least 2 years in between but I can get no clear answer when including all her back history of the cancer / treatment etc etc.
This brings me to the main reason for the post - My wife is determined to try again very soon. Max 1 year but this scares me that she is rushing things for no reason and possibly putting herself and future baby at unnecessary risk as well as making life very hard for ourselves and not being able to enjoy our first babies first couple of years.
However - she seems to find it impossible to sensibly sit down and talk about this with me. She does not want to hear any negatives, she does not want to discuss the pros and cons and simply says things like - "I'm not changing my mind", "It's happening whether you like it or not", "I'll do it on my own if I have to".
I know these are all very emotional and defensive remarks but I need to find a way to talk to her as this is not an acceptable way to make a life decision - In all other areas we are good at talking things through but for this I know she doesn't want to talk about it because she thinks I am trying to talk her out trying for a 2nd child. This is not the case - I just want to be able to talk it through but currently that is impossible- unfortunately she also doesn't understand that by going about it this way will only make the decision and relationship toxic but also delay the procedure ever being possible anyway.
I do not want this to hurt us as couple but fully understand how this is not the way to approach such a big decision.
Our situation is so unique I understand that clear advice is very hard!