Declining Donor Eggs

[BaffledTurtle]

Hi, we were hoping for some advice. We recently started IVF process and have been offered a couple of donor eggs. With both we don't really feel like we are a good match. We declined the first one as we felt we had nothing in common with the donor, and have been sent a second one.

I'm worried we are overthinking it, has anyone else declined donor matches before? We are wondering how many donor matches people get before they choose one.

🙂

Slightly different as our clinic don’t offer, but we view a database with basic characteristics, then select a donor to see a more detailed profile and can then choose whether to go ahead with that donor or not. We read three profiles that we weren’t convinced about and were starting to think we might have to compromise, then the fourth was perfect for us. I would say if it doesn’t feel right, decline, but think about why they’re not right and which characteristics you might be willing to compromise on in the future if you don’t find anyone that ticks all your boxes. It’s such an important decision so don’t feel under pressure, do what feels right for you. Good luck.

@BaffledTurtle we didn't decline but chose the donor. I just got a good feeling about the donor - really liked what they had written and what they were interested in. Not all the interests were the same but enough were and they just seemed really lovely. I think hold out till you get that good feeling about someone

You were quite right to turn down the donor eggs, you weren't happy about it. Better that than regretting it later.

Not sure what clinic you're with but that sounds like a bit of a strange way to do it. Have they asked you what your criteria is?

We went with London Egg Bank and they have a database of donors where you can add filters such as eye colour, height etc. There's also a basic write-up about their hobbies, interests and things like that. We narrowed it down to three donors and then sent in some photos of me and they sent back further feedback about facial similarities which then helped us make our final choice.

To give another perspective I had treatment here in Spain and the clinic chose the donor, based only on physical characteristics and blood group. It’s great that you can see profiles and definitely view a
number of them, but if you don’t find a ‘perfect’ donor then consider what is most important to you and prioritise those aspects.

We accepted our first offer - we took the view that any woman prepared to go through egg donation to help someone have a family must be really kind, and we would want that for any child. I also was uncomfortable with the thought of 'shopping' if you like, but there is no right or wrong way of doing this.