Absent dad

[Robin1244]

Hi I’m new to this so not sure if topic is suited. Hoping to get opinions on absent dads and if they ever appear. Basically I had been seeing my daughters near 2 years fell pregnant (unplanned yes I was using contraception) basically he said he never wanted kids had messaged me to “get rid” and then apologised for the message. I asked did he want to no anything when she was born ect his response I’m going away. Fastward day after she was born I sent him a picture of his daughter he never responded and I then sent a message (I know shouldn’t have bothered either) but just to tell him her name and if he ever wanted involved ever or to meet her ect. Again no response I guess I’m just wanting a response of a yes or no in the fear he turns up 10 years time and wants a relationship with her when I may meet someone else who my daughter sees as a father figure and don’t want her hurt. Should I take no response as a response! Thanks

This is purely my opinion as I don't think there's a right or wrong here, but this is based on my own experiences, my "dad" was not around at all whilst I was growing up and at the age of 5 my mum met another man, he became the best step dad I could have wished for, and when my bio dad did get in touch years later, it didn't matter to me that he was my "real" father because I knew who had actually been in that role, and I didn't know the man who was my dad at all. My mum was always honest with me, and answered my questions ( age appropriately). Fast forward to now, I just gave my son my step dad's name as his middle name, because even though my "real dad" has been around a few years now, I see my step dad as him, and him as a distant family member I guess. It's sad that dad's do that but I would take no response as a response and just get on with yours and hers life, she has more than enough with just you, I know I did with my mum, and if you meet someone who does take the role, then allow it, just be honest with her, so she grows up knowing you always had her best interests and didn't keep secrets, she'll always have you, and love trust and respect you for it when she is older.

@Alisha0601 thank you for your response I guess that it’s more my fear of him deciding to re appear when we are happy but as you said definitely as you said though it’s all about her best interests and being honest with her. Thank you 😊

Yeah its not down to you to put in the work Repeatedly, you gave him a chance, more than one by the sounds of it..why should you have to put your life on hold worrying. 🥰 she will be old enough to form her own opinions one day and it will only reflect on him.

I think you might get more responses if you asked for your post to be moved to the lone parents section - this is the donor conception board and although many of us are also solo parents, you'll probably find more people who have had similar experiences in that section 🙂

@Persipan thank you I’m not sure how to move it do you know how?

@Alisha0601 thank you for this… have just found out as we speak he is in a new relationship which is probably more of a response now to

If you report your own post using the report option, I think you can request it there.

Yeah that's what I mean, just enjoy your life and leave him to his. Take that new information as closure. Im sorry hes the way he is, He's the one missing out. Wonder if the new girl friend knows, know I wouldn't want to be with someone who abandoned their child.

@Alisha0601 thank you for this I would be the same I would have so many questions as to why a man wouldn’t want to see his child. But like you said closure I have blocked him now as it hurts knowing that he can move on without a care in the world if he really wants to contact his daughter that badly in the future he will find away

The fact you've blocked him shows strength, and is you now taking your control back. No more waiting around for what ifs for a guy that is doing as he pleases whilst you put in the hard work ❤️ start of the next chapter

@Alisha0601 thank you so much I needed that really appreciate your response ❤️

I grew up in a single mother household, my father would come and go as he pleased every so often, I really held animosity towards him for this, from my own experience I would say a father should permanently be in his child's life or not at all, I understand there are extenuating circumstances, however from what you've said, he doesn't really seem interested in this. Another thing, please be aware of him trying to use you for sex, one of my work colleagues openly brags about how he goes round to his exes house to see his kid, they have sex and then he ghosts her for a few weeks and then repeats the cycle.

He's not going to put effort in, which should tell you everything you need to know about how he will treat your child. Don't do that to her.
She can look him up when she is old enough to deal with it. Unfortunately guys like this don't tend to come back (unless you are a high earner then they want maintenance, but DC needs have to come first - i.e if he is a druggy living in a squat he would not get custody). Leave it and I would bet he doesn't bother - kids really aren't a big deal to these types of guys. Do be mindful to speak well of him though - DC will appreciate that and they will make up their own minds on him if they decide to find him later.