How to advertise for a Donor? 🥚 NHS Funded, not private

[FoxNOtter]

Hi all,

Before I begin, to know more about our situation, please read the link below:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/donor_conception/5022157-donor-eggs-and-the-nhs-advice-needed-how-to-advertise-for-a-donor?reply=133531477

It contains a lot of information and the somewhat complicated situation we're in. The original topic I was originally looking to get advice about got lost in the hubbub of the post, but that's my fault really. I had a LOT of info to share, so thought it would be wise to distill it here instead.

TLDR: My DH and I are NHS Funded and have already have had our 1st IVF Cycle, which sadly failed. I have Low Ovarian Reserve, low AMH and high FSH, so our only hope now is the use of Donor Eggs. As we're NHS Funded, the clinic does not have access to a register. Plus, the Donor must be able to travel to our clinic for appointments, treatment, etc.

Here are some questions we would like some advice on:

-How exactly do you advertise for an egg donor? Newspapers, Magazines etc? Or is there another method?

-How long did you have to wait until a donor answered the call?

-How long did the process take?

-Realistically speaking, what are our chances of finding a donor?

It's important to note, that while there are people out there who are happy to spend quite a fair bit of money on IVF either through the use of savings or loans, my DH and I do not advocate going into debt or losing a great deal of savings over IVF, hence why we're very hesitant about going privately. We would rather save that money aside for a child that we either successfully conceive via NHS Funded DE or for a fund for an adopted child, so they have a good start in later life. Please do not judge us for this decision.

We're very fully aware of our options should we fail at finding a Donor in our local region, as in adoption or fostering. But of course, we want to try finding a Donor first before we move onto this avenue.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, especially those who have gone down the NHS Funded route.

Thank you, have a lovely day ❤️

[1990s]

As I understand it you’d need to go to an egg bank and pay for donor eggs in the same way you would with paid IVF?

The donor eggs are a separate paid for part of the process even when the clinics are linked up and you’re paying for IVF.

I’ve seen the London Egg Bank recommended here, but I agree that it’s hard to work out where to find egg banks!

Good luck.

[YaWeeFurryBastard]

Unfortunately I think unless you can get someone you know to donate eggs, you’re going to have to pay for them through an egg bank. Egg retrieval is much more invasive than sperm donation so you don’t get people doing it for altruistic reasons, unless it’s to part fund their own ivf (the clinics then sell the donated eggs on). I think the chances of someone answering an online advert or in a newspaper and agreeing to do it for free are pretty much nil. I have never heard of this happening, the only people I know of who haven’t “paid” have had a sibling or friend donate.

Will your trust definitely fund egg retrieval from a donor? I don’t think mine does.

Good luck 💐

[FoxNOtter]

@YaWeeFurryBastard (Love the username btw!)

I forgot to mention in the above post (sorry about that) we've already spoken to family about known egg donation, but understandably after a fair bit of conversation, we've decided to drop that idea, as it adds further complications to an already complicated situation.

Also, I thought as much with local advertising for an egg donor. Sorry, DH and I are completely new to this as you can imagine

[FoxNOtter]

The clinic hasn't helped much with advice unfortunately, they've just thrown us into the Lion's Den 😓

[YaWeeFurryBastard]

@FoxNOtter

@YaWeeFurryBastard (Love the username btw!)

I forgot to mention in the above post (sorry about that) we've already spoken to family about known egg donation, but understandably after a fair bit of conversation, we've decided to drop that idea, as it adds further complications to an already complicated situation.

Also, I thought as much with local advertising for an egg donor. Sorry, DH and I are completely new to this as you can imagine

I can understand why family/friends wouldn’t be an option as it really does add an extra layer of complexity.

I think unfortunately it is very unlikely you’ll find a stranger to be an altruistic donor due to the invasive medical procedures and drugs required to extract the eggs. Sadly it’s not as easy as with sperm donation and just depositing into a cup as you know ☹️.

I’m not saying this to be cruel but I think you need to either pay for a donor or look into other ways of becoming a mum (could you go abroad as I believe it’s cheaper?) as I’d hate for you to waste your time on something that is very unlikely to happen.

Good luck 💐

[FoxNOtter]

@YaWeeFurryBastard

Oh goodness no, I appreciate you being honest and pragmatic about our situation; it's not cruel at all 🙂 It's the reality of the situation we're in and it's a cross DH and I have to bear. Luckily our immediate family on both sides are fully aware of our situation and have been fully supportive.

DH and I have been pragmatic during the IVF Process (since my chances of success were 5%) due to issues on my side, so we're fully aware of our options 🙂 It's just the lack of support from our clinic since being told about Donor Eggs has been zilch.

[HoHoHoliday]

I think "find your own egg donor" is a fairly naive approach and I'm surprised this was the advice your clinic gave you.
Some people come to clinics with an already-known donor - a same sex partner, a sister, a very close friend, for example.
But given that donating eggs is a very intrusive (in many aspects) experience, I find it impossible to believe that anyone would agree to do this in response to an advert from a member of the general public.
If a woman is generous and altruistic enough to want to donate her eggs, she is going to do it through the appropriate, approved, regulated channels.
Look up the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, who regulate this in the UK.
For context, I had IVF using donor eggs from the London Egg Bank. The processes involved were very carefully carried out and great care taken to match me with a donor and counsel me about it, it was not just a random pick off the internet. In my case unfortunately there was no successful outcome, but I'm so glad I did it appropriately. I had three attempts and couldn't afford any more and had to accept that.
I understand you wanting to keep your money for the future, but I think this is one time when you need to invest to have it done properly.

[FoxNOtter]

Hi there,

Yes, our clinic hasn't exactly helped us a lot really since that appointment. Sorry if I sound a tad clueless with the whole Donor Egg situation, folks. As I've said, our clinic has given us little, if not barely any advice on how to proceed in our circumstances. We recently joined the Donor Conception Network too, but are still in the early stages with them.

However I am glad that you've all been honest and pragmatic with me about the general overview of the current state of the Donor Egg Donation in the UK. Rather that then people giving me false hope.

[FoxNOtter]

For those curious, the clinic we're currently patients at, is the Wales Fertility Institute in Neath Port Talbot Hospital.

For clarification's sake, we actually ended up having two appointments with them following our first failed IVF Cycle.

The first appointment, pretty much started with: "So, how do you feel about Donor Eggs?". Do bear in mind, this was with no clarification or explaination on the process of Donor Eggs whatsoever. In all honesty, we were hoping to use my eggs again as we were successful in creating an embryo on our first cycle, but sadly we had a negative result after the two week wait. However when we suggested this, the Doctor told us she could only see Donor Eggs as the only viable option left. If we wanted to proceed with my eggs, our case would have to be bought forward with the board to decide whether we proceeded with our second (and last) cycle or it would risk our funding getting cancelled. After the consultation, I wasn't too happy with how it went, so I requested for another appointment.

At the second appointment, it was elaborated further on why the 1st cycle failed (i.e here it was confirmed I have Low Ovarian Reserve and that it's very likely I've had it since birth) and further info on donor eggs. He told us that it would be NHS Funded, but we would have to source our own donor. Once a donor was found, they would go through Implications Counselling, screening, blood tests etc. at the clinic exclusively.

Bar from that, he could not give us any further information and gave me a follow up call the next day. I asked for support sites/organisations; he gave me the HFEA and Donor Conception Network. That was it.

We were meant to have Implications Counselling sooner rather than later to discuss the moral and ethical implications of Donor Egg Conception, but we've received no information since those appointments in November. DH and I are convinced that they're waiting for us to either find a Donor before giving us Counselling or maybe hoping we'll get frustrated enough that we decide to go privately with them.

I know that last bit is speculation/theory, but surely if you want to be seen good in the eyes of your patients, surely you would try to help them everyway you can, not expect us to somehow sink or swim.

[1990s]

I’ve found that the clinics are a bit useless on egg donation, I think it’s because it’s just much less common. One clinic even told me they didn’t know much about it as they “didn’t want to encourage it” 🤨

There are a few good threads about the process in here in Donation or some similar topic.

[1990s]

Also just to say - it sounds like your clinic have not treated you very well IMO, and I’m sorry to you’re having to try and find out all this information yourself with little support from them.

You will get to understand it all, and then you can make an informed decision. Keep the faith!

[Donimo]

I am a little confused with the 'find your own donor'. I have had donor eggs and now have 20 month old twins as a result. These were through private IVF (we were not eligible for NHS treatment). But the first clinic I had a failed IVF cycle at did NHS and private patients. They advised donor eggs and said we could join the wait list for a donor with them, although a very very long wait list (years). I'm not sure if this was only available to use as we were privately funded (but I didn't get that impression).

We ended up going to a different clinic as it was a much shorter wait list. But the procress we went though to get an altruistic donor was we had to pay for £500 deposit to join the wait list. At this time we filled in a questionnaire with our wishes for the appearance of the donor as well as my physical characteristics so they can match the donor as much as possible to me.

I presume (maybe wrong) that as an NHS patient you can join the donor egg wait list. But I this maybe very long.

Also as another note you can not pay people to donate eggs in the UK.

[Donimo]

Have you read information on NHS Wales fertility commissioning. It says this re donor eggs......

3.1.4 Use of Donor Eggs
Egg donation may be offered where no other treatment is available. The 
patient must be able to identify and provide a donor, either through 
altruistic egg donation or through an individual agreement (e.g. with a 
friend or relative). WHSSC will not fund IVF for patients participating in the 
egg sharing schemes that may operate within fertility clinics.
Egg donation may be available to women who have undergone premature 
ovarian failure due to an identifiable pathological or iatrogenic cause or to 
avoid transmission of inherited disorders to a child where the couple meet 
the other access criteria.

So looks like you have to find your own donor in Wales. If you meet the above criteria. But not sure how you do this. Possibly purchase eggs from London egg Bank? Then have the fertilisation and transfer with your hospital on the NHS??

[Serendipity24]

I don't think it's possible to advertise for donors just like that. The donors must go through physical and psychological tests to ensure they understand all the implications and are fit for the purpose. In the UK, donations must be altruistic and there are regulations.

https://www.hfea.gov.uk/treatments/explore-all-treatments/using-donated-eggs-sperm-or-embryos-in-treatment/

If in Wales you have to find your own donor then probably egg banks are your best option. We went to the Fertility Show in London last summer and there were quite a few egg banks. Perhaps you can go to the next one in May and talk to them about your situation?

[Serendipity24]

Sorry, I just read your other thread that the clinic won't accept frozen eggs from an egg bank. In that case you may have to explore private clinics elsewhere in the UK. It will be outside Wales but not as foreign as say, Spain or Greece. And with DE treatment, you don't need to visit the clinic as much as you would with your OE, so it is more manageable logistically. Sorry, could not be of any help.