IUI or IVF

[Elsiebear90]

I have asked my GP to be referred to an NHS clinic as a private patient with my wife to start our journey to hopefully having a family.

I’m 33 and my wife is 35 this year, originally we were looking at having IUI with donor sperm with me being the one to get pregnant. However, my wife has recently expressed she would be keen to explore IVF using her eggs and me carrying as she is worried about her not being able to get pregnant in the future (with hopefully baby no 2) due to her age and she thinks it would be nice for us both to have a biological link to the baby (which I agree with).

We have decided I will carry first (if I can) as I have endometriosis which is a progressive condition (was diagnosed as moderate around 7 years ago via a lap) and much better maternity pay than her, but I’m not sure whether we should try IUI first due to the cost and how minimally invasive it is.

I’ve been doing some research and found success rates are higher with IVF, but the costs are also obviously much higher and I am worried about how painful it will be as I struggle even with smears due to the endo. Besides the endometriosis I don’t have any other known issues that could affect fertility, periods are regular, had an internal ultrasound recently, ovaries and tubes look fine, nothing abnormal seen and a blood test showed all my hormones were fine.

Does anyone have any advice?

I’d go IUI first, personally. As you say, less invasive.

With the caveat that you should certainly take the advice of the fertility clinic, all other things being equal I'd go with IVF.

With IVF there's the advantage that you could potentially end up with embryos frozen for future transfer (whether that's because you weren't successful with the first transfer, or for a sibling later on). If you're going to try for a sibling in the future, you'll inevitably both be at least a bit older then and freezing embryos now preserves your current fertility, maximising your chances down the line. Sperm is expensive, and a few rounds of IUI can quickly add up to choosing the same as you'd have spent on IVF anyway. And, if IVF isn't successful you clinic can at least hopefully glean some information from that because they had eyes on the various stages of the process (were eggs retrieved? Did they fertilise? Did the embryos develop well?), which is harder with IUI where you just know if it worked but if it didn't, you don't know much about why not.

Best of luck!

I would (and did) try IUI first, but maybe put a limit on the number of times you'll try at the outset. IUI is a bit like throwing a dart at a target with a blindfold on. The chances are quite low even if you're healthy.

I am under 35 and healthy, and I've had 7 unsuccessful rounds of IUI with a donor. Pretty heartbreaking and in some ways you actually need more emotional resilience for IUI than IVF (I've also had 2 rounds of IVF).

So if I were starting again, I would maybe go for 3 rounds and then do IVF if unsuccessful.

We were advised to go straight to IVF based on our age (37 when starting the process) and I donated eggs to my partner. I would say IUI is not necessarily less invasive for you than reciprocal IVF. In IUI, the sperm is placed into your womb via a catheter. In IVF, an embryo is placed into your womb via a catheter. If you're using your partner's eggs, she's the one who's going to be taking more drugs (you will still need drugs, though - possibly more for IVF than for IUI, but it depends on the protocol recommended by the clinic), and she'll be having the surgery to remove them, not you.

If you're going to do IUI have a really strict low limit on how many times you'll try, the key for any pregnancy with donor sperm is the age of the egg and you don't want to still be pfaffing around with IUI when you are also over 35

We are in the same boat as you and we’re just at the very beginning of starting our round of IVF. We’re a bit younger so not as worried about infertility but we spoke in length with our clinic about our options.

We’ve decided to go with ‘mild’ IVF - it involves less medication and relies more on your natural cycle. We liked this due to success rate, cheaper than ‘standard’ IVF and it was a shorter protocol too. Thinking ahead too, it would be nice to have one or two embryos for a future sibling, if all goes well!

Thank you for all your replies, very informative! I will speak to the clinic about it and weigh up the costs and risks I think. I don’t wanna be doing lots of round of IUI and not get pregnant, but also don’t wanna go straight to IVF if it’s way more expensive and my wife needs medication etc.

@Elsiebear90 same sex parent here whose just had a first baby via IUI so feel free to ask me anything!

My wife had 3 rounds which were unsuccessful. She has a few fertility issues but was encouraged to try IUI because of her age (30).

I got pregnant on my third round of IUI and was going to move onto IVF if that didn't work. No known issues as such.

I know shared motherhood is very expensive and have friends who have done it and are very happy with their decision 🙂.