Recommendations Abroad

[try9ng]

We have had 3 failed cycles and know we probably need to use a donor. We don't want to be able to trace back donor as I wouldn't ever plan on telling child they were from a donor Egg. Also want to be able to choose characteristics as close to myself as possible. How does it work? Are there many physical appointments? Would my partner fly out to give sperm sample and then me later for transfer? Can you recommend a good clinic to deal with, with good success rates? Thank you for any information.

[try9ng]

Maybe if you think it's unethical you can piss of from the donor conception board and don't give advice that isn't helpful. If we are lucky enough to conceive our child will be very much loved and their history will be our family. Obviously you have never had to come to the difficult decision to use donor eggs after having your heart broken multiple times at not being able to give your husband the children we both long for.

[Boxbedbank]

I think you probably need to talk this over with an expert.
I'm coming from a very different angle because I deliberately chose a sperms doner in the UK through to be traceable. Especially these days with dna tests so easily available this would be a secret to easily found out. I told mine from being little so it was never a big thing. As teens they do say they'd like to trace the doner but to say thank you and nothing more.
You may also come into issues of genetics that would mean the child would find out. Dc2 has a rare genetic disease that can only happen if both parents are carriers (because its rare its not screened for). It was however notifiable and meant if the doner hadn't given up donating he would have had to.
Please carefully consider how this could play out. If as an adult you discovered your parents had lied to you all your life would you continue a relationship with them? Id really struggle if I'm honest. Would you change your mind due to health issues developing?

[try9ng]

Sorry bankedbox thought it was same poster again. But my views still stand that I want anonymous donor and genetic issues can arise between any two people trying to conceive who normally wouldn't test anyway. I will be the childs mother regardless. I don't need advise about choosing anonymous donor just wanted recommendations on clinics abroad

[HermioneKipper]

@try9ng

Maybe if you think it's unethical you can piss of from the donor conception board and don't give advice that isn't helpful. If we are lucky enough to conceive our child will be very much loved and their history will be our family. Obviously you have never had to come to the difficult decision to use donor eggs after having your heart broken multiple times at not being able to give your husband the children we both long for.

Weirdly it popped up as a thread when I opened mumsnet. Genuinely didn’t go looking for it.

Its not controversial to say it’s unethical - lots of people believe this.

I feel very sorry for you that you’re having to do this. I’ve had multiple miscarriages and know how heartbreaking that it.

It still doesn’t take away from the fact you’re planning to keep a very big secret from a potential child. It’s something you should think very carefully about.

I have a close friend who was adopted from china as a baby and she has really struggled with never being able to contact her birth family despite loving her parents very much.

Of course you’ll be their mother.

[Rosemarypots]

It is so hard. My recommendation would be to use a clinic abroad that does donor ID release at 18 like the UK does, so Portugal, Denmark and some others.

I'm intending to use a donor egg after several failed own egg IVF rounds, and my thinking is that a key reason for being open with any donor conceived child is that I stand a better chance of having a close relationship with them when they reach adulthood if I've always been open with them, compared to if I don't tell them they're donor conceived and then they find out later via DNA testing. It's also so important to put the child's needs first rather than our own needs as parents, whilst recognising that this is often hard for us.

I would recommend contacting the Donor Conception Network and looking at Paths to Parenthood as they both have some great resources to help come to terms with using a donor egg or sperm, or both.

Wishing you all the best x

[Rosemarypots]

PS if cost is a key consideration then it seems Greek and Czech clinics are the way to go. Lots of relevant Facebook groups that have women using donor eggs - look at Newlife in Greece and Reprofit Brno in the Czech Republic.

[blacksnow]

Agree with Rosemarypots, a few friends of mine had success with Zlin and other Czech clinics. Polish clinics also get great success rates. If you wish to compare cost and success rates, fertilityclinicsabroad is one of the best source. They list the best IVF clinics, and provide very detailed profiles that are very easy to compare. Hope this helps.