Advice for a single friend who is expecting a donor baby

[Hevviie]

One of my close friends is expecting a baby via donor soon. Does anybody have any advice who have been through a similar experience? She is single, aged 38 and has a good job she will have to return to after about 9 months. She is very strong and I have nothing but admiration for her, however I have a 1 year old so know how brutal those first few months can be. Anybody been through the donor process or have any general advice to pass on? What will she need most from me?

I'm single and had donor twins. With newborns, there's no difference if they're donor. Do you mean it's different since she doesn't have a partner to help?

When I came home from hospital, I felt isolated (and lockdown had just started), so would appreciate a visit. Also maybe bring some food, in case she hasn't had time/opportunity to get to the shops. Check she has enough milk/bread etc for the next day. Offer to mind the baby while she has a nap/shower/ goes for a walk.

I was in a similar position and the best advice I had was to go out every day, even if it was just a walk through the village. So I did that. I also went to baby groups, baby massage, all that stuff. It was one of the happiest times of my life. I'd wanted a child for so long, I finally felt complete. DS and I had a lovely time, and I'll never forget those 8 months before I went back to work. I have 2 donor boys now, both teenagers. It's hard work but very rewarding and I have no regrets.

If she's very organised she probably has all the basics in hand.

I had ds with zero help from ex, and the thing I wanted more than anything was someone to watch baby for 2 hours every six weeks, so I could get my hair cut & coloured. Without it, I felt scruffy and miserable.

It's lovely you want to help. Honestly, one really lovely thing a friend did for me that I always remeber when my ex and I split - organising a small mother's day card and gift for my child to give to me. So lovely. With no partner, things like birthdays/mothers days don't happen (or at least not until child is at school and will likely make a card or picture there).

I would perhaps offer some practical help - eg taking the baby for a walk in the pram, or just amusing it/cuddling it so she can have a long bath/nap.

If she's not too knackered, offer to visit in the evening for a chat when she might feel a bit lonely.

Just treat her the same as you would any other friend with a newborn. Be supportive and listen if she brings it up, but don't make it a 'thing' that the child was conceived using a donor.