Just starting out at 44

[jdebalt]

Hello, I am recently married and until I met my husband I hadn't ever thought about having children. However, when we met, everything changed! We have been trying to get pregnant naturally for about a year and given my age my gynaecologist suggested we explore the IVF route at this point. We both had various tests and I had bloods done in the summer which showed low ovarian reserve; and I have an appointment next Tuesday at a fertility clinic but I am so full of questions! Give my low ovarian reserve and age, does this mean we are looking at donor eggs only? I'd be so grateful for any advice or knowledge please. Thanks in advance :)

Probably. Success at 44 is uncommon even with good stats, it's basically the same chance as trying naturally, except you waste lots of money. My own clinic agreed immediately that it would be a waste of money and effort to try with my own eggs. I am a little bit older but it was gratifying to see that I'd done my research right and that the doctor was absolutely honest about it.

Remember that even with perfect situations, IVF has a 75% failure rate overall. You and I have so much more stacked against us. My chance would be about 1% and if it worked, a huge likelihood of miscarriage or chromosomal problems. I didn't really want to go through 5 rounds for nothing and bankrupt myself in the process.

The question that I asked myself was: if someone had a newborn that wasn't wanted, would you like to take it home? And my answer was YES right away. The fact that I can hopefully carry a baby inside me makes it even better. It will still be my child that I love, even if it hasn't got my dimples.

I hope your appointment goes well. Take lots of notes and don't be afraid to ask as many questions as you need. xx

I should have noted, I have my second donor frozen transplant next month :)

I mean, probably, at 44 your chances every month are pretty much higher to conceive naturally as with IVF and without spending all that money.

I'd really suggest doing your research now, it's easy to do in a way, but implications for how your raise your child, grief for not having genetic children etc are real considerations and I've read of a lot of women who've used donor eggs without really doing their homework.

That said my DE baby is 11 months. She and her sister (conceived conventionally) are my absolute joy. I won't be having any more, but zero regrets for how we built our family.

I started trying to conceive at 36. 5 rounds of own egg with no success. Had a break then moved to donor egg in Czech Republic. 3 missed miscarriages and 1 failed transfer. I am now 11 weeks pregnant at 45 (was 44 at time of transfer). I needed immune treatment. I would suggest joining donor conception network and / or pathways to parenthood for lots of info. Feel free to PM me.

I guess it depends a bit how much money and time you feel you have available to spend. Clinically speaking donor eggs are likely to be your best option by a considerable margin, but whether your feel you want/need to spend some more time pursuing treatment with your own eggs to see whether any success can be achieved that way is something only you can really answer. Best of luck!

Thank you all for your messages. The doctor said if I wanted to use my own eggs then we were not good candidates for IVF. The only way for us to proceed with IVF is to use donor eggs and he was pleased I had done so much research on it. Thank you all again for your advice and honesty. Good luck to you all! X

Best of luck to you OP, also recommend the Donor Conception Network for further support.

It can be a controversial choice, to some to use donor gametes, but absolutely zero regrets here.

I got pregnant at 44 using donor eggs and at 50. Both on first round of IVF. Good luck, your chances of success using donor eggs are quite high.

Omg I could have written this 10 years ago. It's such an emotional place to be.

But DH and I were very pragmatic and realised our only chance to become parents was to use DE.

We now have the most AMAZING DD via DE ivf. If I would have dreamt up my perfect child,she is it.

Find a good clinic (if in London I can recommend ours) and start the process and see how you feel.

@Taz29duffy1 best of luck to you ♥️