Starting the process as a single woman with donor sperm

Totorotoes · 28/04/2022 16:43

Hi, have you had a fertility MOT yet? I guess so, otherwise they won't know what treatment you need. I have had my assessment and purchased my donor sperm, hoping to start treatment in May or June. I've been recommended to start with IUI. It's a difficult decision, IUI is more 'natural' (akin to turkey baster!) but IVF has better success rates. Lots of info on the web, or solo mothers by choice facebook group.

Original poster

Insidelaurashead · 28/04/2022 17:29

No fertility MOT yet, that's on 16th May, then consultation on 19th. I'm wondering if she said ivf as a throwaway comment and I've taken it as gospel. Thanks for that Facebook group recommendation I'll take a look

OP posts:

tigger2022 · 29/04/2022 18:39

Good luck @Insidelaurashead !! I'm 11 weeks using donor/IUI. I felt the clinic kept me a bit in the dark about the process sometimes so MN is a good place to be.

K10f1 · 30/04/2022 14:37

I’m a single mum to donor conceived twins. Went to a clinic, had bloods/scans. Consultant went through my options. I chose my donor. Started with iui, got pregnant but ectopic. Lost my tube. Recommended ivf, had OHSS so couldn’t transfer a fresh embryo, they had to be frozen. Three months later I had a frozen transfer of a single embryo which split after transfer and gave me my identical twins. It’s an absolute ride. Rough, emotional and by god I never planned to have two newborns. But they’re thriving and nearly 7 months old. The first few months I felt like I was failing daily, I had two babies that wanted to be held all the time, but they only had parent. It passed. Family helped and we’re all
doing really well now. Being their mum is the challenge and privilege of my life. Good luck, happy to answer questions.

lokijet · 30/04/2022 15:02

Hi

I did 6 rounds of unmedicated IUI followed by max does ivf

Stroppy 12 year old sitting next to me is the result

Try and get yoursrlf a support network in real life or online (sometimes sharing with strangers is easier). Understsnd all the cost , scans,tests ,drugs are often not in the headline price.

Be kind to yourself - it can be a rollercoaster

Apollonia1 · 30/04/2022 15:26

I have two year-old donor twins.

I found the Fertility Friends website to be a mine of useful information.

Apollonia1 · 30/04/2022 15:27

Actually it's a Forum:

www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forums/

Original poster

Insidelaurashead · 01/05/2022 19:07

You are all so helpful, thank you. Yes it's definitely not going to be easy, even if it works first time (which I am assuming it won't) there's being pregnant and going through that by yourself which isn't an easy ride I'm sure. But I do know it'll be worth it if I'm lucky enough to conceive

OP posts:

Totorotoes · 02/05/2022 08:58

Hi @Insidelaurashead , please keep us updated on how you get on! The treatment you have (IUI medicated/unmedicated or IVF) will be based on the results of your fertility MOT and of course your personal choice. IUI is cheaper and less invasive but lower success outcomes. You won't know until you've had your assessments, and if you feel you are being pushed into something then consider changing clinics if you can.
Following my MOT I have opted for unmedicated IUI, but I could have veto'd that recommendation and gone straight to IVF. I've just purchased my donor sperm so hopefully will be starting in the next month or so; it would be great to know what you decide.

StarCrossed9 · 04/05/2022 22:05

Hello everyone. I am seriously considering IVF/IUI and going it and going it alone. I am 35 and am lucky enough to have a child from a previous relationship.

I am currently feeling very lost and overwhelmed by everything. Money is a big factor for me. I had originally looked into IUI but I don’t want to waste money on something that likely will not work.

Then I came across ABC IVF but have heard very mixed things and am terrified of choosing the wrong clinic.

Any advice or support is appreciated. 🌻

Totorotoes · 06/05/2022 21:12

@StarCrossed9 sorry you are feeling like this. I would love to help but I can't as I also haven't started this journey. I have no experience of ABC, there must be people on here who have though so maybe look at other threads or on fb/fertility friends. I'm sure I've read some good comments about them but you're wise to research thoroughly!

Peterpiperpickedapepper · 07/05/2022 18:54

Can I join? I’m just at the beginning of my journey too, had my MOT, awaiting hycosy and if all ok will be doing iui. also have one child from a previous relationship already

Totorotoes · 08/05/2022 19:20

Hi @Peterpiperpickedapepper nice to hear from you! I hope your hycosy goes well 🤞 please update us with how you get on, would be lovely to chat with others on this journey!

I am having a wobble about whether to stick to my plan and have IUI or whether to go straight to IVF....I think I've just read too many stories where it hasn't worked, I suppose that's inevitable, but I do know it CAN work so I should give it a shot- I'm just massively over thinking it, feel like I'm in the 2 week wait and I haven't even started yet 🥴

Peterpiperpickedapepper · 08/05/2022 22:36

It’s tricky isn’t it, the rates of success are so much higher for IVF so I’ve been having the same thoughts. Did you have a hycosy? I’ve read some horror stories so a bit nervous 😬

K10f1 · 09/05/2022 10:54

Have you discussed the best option for you with your consultant? I started with iui because my consultant advised that for me medicated iui had actually a pretty good chance of success. I was mid 30s and have pcos, and we tend to respond well to hormones. And she wasn’t wrong, I got pregnant first time. Unfortunately it was an ectopic so I lost a tube and then the advice changed, ivf became the better plan. I had paid for a three cycle iui package. Because their advice was now changing they let me put the remainder of the money in my package towards my ivf. Now i have my twins (that came from a single embryo transfer which split after transfer). I would say have a really frank conversation with your consultant about where they would put YOUR chances of success with either option.

tigger2022 · 09/05/2022 12:24

Agree, discuss with your consultant first. I got pregnant on the first attempt with IUI (I'm young-ish with no known or detected issues). I think the odds are slim overall but you have to factor in that of all people attempting IUI many will have had issues conceiving naturally or be slightly older. I just thought of it as somebody has to be in that 12% success rate, so no reason it couldn't be me.

Totorotoes · 09/05/2022 19:58

@Peterpiperpickedapepper no I haven't had one, I didn't think I need it as I had a hysteroscopy a few years ago (not for fertility) and I think they checked my tubes then so I'm hoping I am ok! Sorry you are nervous about it, I think I would be too. But I've read some posts by people who have had it and they said it was uncomfortable and like mild period cramps. Hopefully someone who has had one can give you some reassurance!
@K10f1 congratulations! It is always lovely to hear success stories. I did speak to my clinic and they said that for my age my levels are all good, and i should do unmedicated IUI first, i just know that it can take 3-6 tries and I dont think I have the money for that...or the emotional resilience!! 🤷‍♀️

Marty13 · 09/05/2022 20:42

I did unmedicated IUI.
It took 2 tries for my eldest and 4 tries for my youngest.
All in all probably not much cheaper than IVF but much, much less invasive. I didn't want to deal with the drugs and their potential secondary effects. And I was happy to leave part of the process to nature I guess.

That said there is no wrong answer. If you feel like going straight to the big guns that's completely reasonable.

Totorotoes · 10/05/2022 18:47

@Marty13 its always lovely to hear success stories! I like the idea of not having to take/inject meds. I guess if I could be guaranteed it would work I'd definitely go for it, I bet at the time it was difficult waiting for that 4th successful IUI but so so worth it now!

TerrazzoChips · 31/05/2022 17:04

Hello @Insidelaurashead and @StarCrossed9 ,

Im currently 6w4d from a fresh transfer after having IVF with ABC. I thought about IUI but the amount of goes it may have taken, the uncertainty and the cumulative cost I went for IVF. I’m lucky enough that I’ve had a positive test on my first round and had a heartbeat at 5w5d.

in terms of ABC it isn’t luxurious but I’d say it’s worth a go if you fit their eligibility.

Original poster

Insidelaurashead · 31/05/2022 18:13

Thanks for the tag @TerrazzoChips brought me back to update this thread, I appreciate it. My initial tests were good, they said I need a scan to make sure my tubes aren't blocked (I'm told this is really painful by a friend who has had it) and that I need to lose 22lbs before I can start the process. So two weeks in I'm 2lbs down which is a good start, I'm sort of stalled until I get to that below 30 Bmi.

OP posts:

ChoiceMummy · 02/06/2022 08:59

Insidelaurashead · 31/05/2022 18:13

Thanks for the tag @TerrazzoChips brought me back to update this thread, I appreciate it. My initial tests were good, they said I need a scan to make sure my tubes aren't blocked (I'm told this is really painful by a friend who has had it) and that I need to lose 22lbs before I can start the process. So two weeks in I'm 2lbs down which is a good start, I'm sort of stalled until I get to that below 30 Bmi.

@Insidelaurashead
Fyi though lower bmi does tend to equal greater success in terms of getting a bfp and obviously reduces the risks of pregnancy issues a d live births, there are private clinics that will waive the bmi issue. The nhs tends to be more strict.

I had a hycosy privately, and I won't lie, it hurt, and I had an issue that meant I was nearly bluelighted. However, I'd have still gone ahead with it knowing this! Waiting for the nhs, meant that I was by that I was already 4 months pregnant as it had taken so long to get up the list.
Good luck.

TerrazzoChips · 02/06/2022 10:49

Another issue to consider is you’ll likely put quite a lot of weight on as you go through the process. Before I started IVF I was 8 stone, I’m 9.5 stone now. You are limited with what exercise you can do (and you won’t feel like exercising!) so I’m already 1.5st over what I ‘should’ be at less than 7weeks!

If you need a second round you’ll be starting from an even heavier baseline. It’s so difficult b it I would definitely recommend trying to get to a bmi of 25 before starting treatment, there’s a lot of research that indicates this is associated with higher success rates too (worth noting BMIs under 20 can often struggle too)

good luck!

mommynette · 16/06/2022 20:07

Insidelaurashead · 28/04/2022 14:49

After a while of psyching myself up I've booked my initial tests and consultation at a fertility clinic to try for a baby with donor sperm. They've said it would be IVF, I expected effectively the more medical version of a turkey baster with the donor sperm (but done at the clinic)

Has anyone started this journey who can share a bit more about what to expect? I think the fear of the unknown is the worst thing

So I did the whole journey thing. There are just so many tests and medical procedures in the whole thing. It's mega stressful, I don't know how I managed to get through it all actually. So it's important to have a trustworthy doula, therapist, friend or family member to talk to, she/he will also be needed for the pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum. It's a long journey I tell ya!

tigger2022 · 14/07/2022 14:24

I also recommend planning for the eventuality it might actually work because I am currently experiencing this and kicking myself for not planning it sooner 😅😅 I think I just assumed it would take loads of cycles to work. Being single I will have to go back to work pretty soon after he's born to pay the mortgage, but nurseries are £60 per day so it definitely adds up!!