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On the Mumsnet Donor Conception forum, you can discuss sperm and egg donation with people in the same situation.

Donor conception

I want to have a child

7 replies

BettyB94 · 21/04/2022 21:51

This is really personal so please be kind with responses.
I am 28 and really want a family. I am a Christian and go to church and I have never had relations with any man.
I have been looking into have a child by donor, I have rang some clinics around the area and they can give the procedures to people like me.
There are things I will need to do before I actually make that step and book any appointments (I have saved a substantial amount of money to pay for it), such as lose weight and have counselling as they say to do this.
My trepidation comes as I am unsure about the implications on my faith and trust in God. I understand some may not be believers here so will look at it more from a secular point of view but any spiritual and guidance would be great.
I know this is really personal, but any opinions are welcome especially if you have had a child by donor as a single person.

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 21/04/2022 21:55

Apologies if this is an intrusive question, but as you are only 28, is there a reason you have decided that finding a partner, getting married and having children is not going to happen for you? Is there no way that your church and religion could provide a route to finding a partner?

Cakequeen1988 · 21/04/2022 21:57

My secular opinion is do it.

you want a family and you haven’t met a suitable person so why not go ahead and make what you wish a reality. As long as you are prepared for single parenthood why wouldn’t you.

I say this as someone in their 40’s who has a wonderful Christian friend who wanted to be a mother. Would have been a fabulous one, but never met anyone, and she is now past the point of being able to make that dream come true and I feel truely devastated for her. Don’t make the same mistake!

on a spiritual note, is your concern that God would see this as un natural? Because I would argue many people so many un natural things daily. Would you refuse a c section in an emergency as it was natural? Or other medical care? Refuse medication for an ailment as it was Gods will you got that ailment?

I presume you would be raising this child in the church and do not think you need a partner to successfully do this.

BettyB94 · 21/04/2022 22:15

@RoseslnTheHospital I don't know why I feel like it won't happen that way for me, it just does. I have never asked my Church about partners, maybe I should.

@Cakequeen1988 I am sorry for your friend and her journey and that is what I am worried about. I have wanted children since I was little and have had names picked out since I was 14.
I would never turn down medical treatment that was needed such as a C-Section, or medication. I truly believe medical breakthroughs are gifts from God, where I struggle is when we so clearly (IMO) have abilities to override what may be God's journey for our life and where I might be questioning him and presuming to know the thoughts of God (I know this may make me sound a little like a crazy Christian, I promise I am not but just trying to put into words why I am struggling to make this decision)
Thank you to you both for asking further questions and being so kind

OP posts:
Totorotoes · 22/04/2022 09:49

Hi, I also know people who would have loved to be parents but never met the right person and put it down to God's will. In a way I am on a similar journey but without the religion, and now at 40 I have realised it is now or never!
Firstly I would say (and I don't mean to be patronising), you have plenty of time to explore finding a partner if this is something you want to do, and this will certainly be easier to do now than when you have a child. However, it is absolutely OK if you prefer not to be in a relationship, or are asexual, or just don't want to wait.
Secondly, you can sit around waiting for God to provide you with a partner/child etc but in reality- you have to start moving before he can move you (as one of my churchy friends once said!). There is no guarantee pursuing this will work but I can absolutely guarantee it won't work if you don't try!
Thirdly, I don't know your church or circle of friends. BUT the fact you have come on here suggests perhaps you don't feel comfortable discussing this with them. Perhaps you fear a negative reaction? If this is the case, you are going to need to be strong and focussed to get through this, and you may need to find new friendships or pick some close non-judgemental people to be your support network. You will face a hell of a lot of opinions (unfortunately many church goers can be traditional/opinionated) but you really need to do what is right for you, and I am absolutely sure the bible does not mention assisted conception negatively (or at all, actually). I think you should do it if you want to, but make sure you have a good support network!

Cakequeen1988 · 22/04/2022 10:45

I think if you view medical advancements as a gift from God then this is just another that you will be making use of.

life is truly too short to not make of it what you want.

WildCoasts · 22/04/2022 10:49

Your choice. I know at least two unpartnered women who have become single mothers by choice. They come across some who support and some who don't.

UsernameChange1990 · 09/05/2022 09:44

Hello, I am thinking about the same thing. It is very interesting seeing responses here. I wish you well whatever you choose xx

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