Hi there! I spent so long lurking on these websites researching everything to try and help me and my girlfriend get pregnant but this is the first message I've written hoping that it might advise or help at least one person! We had 4 failed IUIs but finally got our Big Fat Positive (BFP) on our 5th IUI, and we now have a beautiful daughter!
The following paragraph explains how we got into fertility treatment as a same sex couple but everything after that explains our IUI journey so this can apply to anyone! This is just what happened with us so things might differ with different doctors/nurses/hospitals.
So being in a same sex couple we obviously couldn’t try naturally so we researched ‘how do lesbians have a baby’! We found out that if you are not married and you do artificial insemination (AI) at home then your partner is not classified as the other legal parent and they would have to adopt the child. But if you are not married and you have AI in a proper clinic (professionally called IUI) then your partner automatically becomes the second legal parent, so being unmarried we went straight for that one. Also I read a few stories about women trying for years on their own at home, with donor sperm, with no success, only to get help and find out that they've got a medical condition that hindered them getting pregnant naturally anyway. I've never tried to get pregnant so I had no idea if everything was alright internally so thought getting fertility help would be the best way forward, as I was nearly 37 when we went for our first appointment, so didn't have much time to lose!
We didn’t know how it all worked to start with, so we booked into the free open days at two of the local private fertility clinics to find out their process and prices. We also booked an appointment with our GP who then referred us to our local NHS hospital which has its own fertility unit. Because we were a same sex couple we didn't qualify for any free fertility treatment until we’d had 6 failed IUIs (paid for ourselves) and then I think we may have got one free IVF. We live in Nottingham and apparently this rule is different depending on whereabouts in the UK you live. All the initial tests were free though, there was just one set price that included everything (no hidden costs) and it all worked out loads cheaper than using a private fertility clinic (where IUI was approx £3000-£5000 per cycle and IVF was approx £5000-£7000 per cycle - all costs included donor sperm so would be cheaper if you had your own!). Going through the NHS at our local hospital, each natural IUI cycle with donor sperm cost £1200 and each medicated IUI cycle with donor sperm cost £1700 (again, it was cheaper if you had your own sperm).
The first test I had was a blood test at my own doctors on cycle day 1-5 (cycle day 1 is the first day of your period) to check your progesterone levels. I then had another blood test at the doctors on cycle day 21 (based on an average 28 day cycle) as this should be 7 days before your next period starts (so you’ll have to tell the nurse if your periods are different to 28 days), and they check if your progesterone level has risen (over 30 can indicate ovulation). So definitely worth tracking your periods in advance - you could use a period tracker app on your phone or just use a normal calendar. You can even track your ovulation at home if you want to, using ovulation strips (I just bought some cheap off Amazon), so you might have some idea of when you’re ovulating, to give the nurses a clue, but you don’t have to.
Because we were using donor sperm we had to have a counselling appointment at the hospital with their own fertility counsellor, but this was very relaxed and she just explained how everything worked with regards to the law and using donor sperm, as nowadays when your child turns 18 they have a legal right to track down the sperm donor.
Our local NHS hospital had its own sperm bank so we just went with one of their donors as it was a lot easier. They want to know the basic features you want (hair colour, eye colour, build, height etc) and they e-mailed us details of some donors that matched and we picked one. Some of the donors even write a bit about themselves so that is useful if you want to know about the actual person. BTW you don’t get any photos, not even of them as a baby!
At the hospital they do an internal ultrasound on your uterus to make sure everything is as it should be (they check your uterus, lining, ovaries and follicles). It is just a hand held wand that they put inside the entrance to your vagina, it doesn’t go in far and doesn’t hurt (most of the scans you have will be like this). I also had a separate appointment for a HSG test in the X-ray department where they inject dye through your fallopian tubes to make sure they’re not blocked. This hurt! Like really bad period cramps! It starts off like a smear test and then the pain comes when they inject the dye inside you! The pain only lasted 30 seconds though so you will be okay!
As I was fit and healthy, I thought I’d try a natural cycle first. They scan your uterus about cycle day 12 to check if there are any follicles developing and they will also ask you to pee on an ovulation strip to detect your LH surge which can indicate if ovulation is due. Depending on the sizes of the follicles (and result on the ovulation strips) they’ll ask you to come back every 1-3 days for more scans to track the progress. When the main follicle is a good size (usually over 17mm) they’ll give you a needle to inject yourself with later on to help you ovulate. It is a hCG trigger shot (I had Ovitrelle) and they will explain how to use it, but it’s normally pre-loaded so is quite straightforward. The nurse will probably schedule your IUI for 2 day’s time and will ask you to do the injection that evening (36 hours before IUI). Our hospital does all routine appointments Monday-Friday and if insemination is needed at the weekend they can do Saturday morning appointments just for the IUI.
When you go in the IUI it starts off like smear test and then the nurse inserts a catheter tube into your cervix so that the sperm can be injected straight into your uterus. This only hurt slightly, like mild period cramps. The nurse let my girlfriend come in with us and press the button to inject the sperm! You can lie down there for 10-20 minutes and then get up and go when you’re ready. They ask you to come back to do a blood test in 7 days (which checks your progesterone level to indicate ovulation) and you do a home pregnancy test 7 days after that (so 14 days after the IUI). It’s best not to test early as the medication in your body can cause a false positive.
Our first IUI didn’t work. We did the same again for the second IUI, with the main difference being that I had Cyclogest progesterone pessaries which you start on the day of your IUI until your test date (and carry on after that if you’re pregnant). Our second and third IUIs didn’t work either so they recommended changing sperm donor if you don’t get pregnant after three cycles. So we changed sperm donor and also chose to do medicated IUI for the fourth IUI to give us a slightly better chance, plus we also carried on with the progesterone pessaries. With the medicated cycles you ring up on the first day of your period (cycle day 1) and you go in for a scan in the next couple of days and they start you on the FSH injections (follicle stimulating hormone) which you take home to do every day until your next scan. Again, the nurse will show you how to inject yourself and the pen maybe pre-filled already to make it easier. You will go back around cycle day 8-12 for another scan and you may need to go back every day or two for a scan/ovulation strip test. The nurse will tell you if you need to carry on with the injections until the next scan/IUI. They might need to keep a closer eye on you as the medication can make the follicles grow bigger more quickly, so you may need more scans than on the natural cycle, but apart from that everything else happens pretty much the same, and you still inject the hCG trigger 36 hours before the IUI.
Our fourth IUI didn’t work but we did the same medicated cycle for our fifth IUI and on test day we got our very first Big Fat Positive (BFP) and our gorgeous baby girl!
The whole process can take quite a while, with all of the waiting times for the next appointment and waiting to hear back from the doctors/hospital. From our first GP appointment it was 8 months until our first IUI cycle, plus another 7 months until we got a BFP, but we did have quite a few goes. We were allowed to have IUI some consecutive months and we could have a break one month if we wanted to.
If anyone wants to know anything else or has any specific questions then please ask me!
Good luck everyone!