I'm single, late 20s and thinking of TTC on my own using donor sperm. Looking for advice from women who have taken the SMBC path to motherhood

[HopefulSMBC]

I'm a 28 year old single woman from the UK. I've known for a long time that I want children. I would prefer to do it the way that most people do it, where you meet a partner, settle down with them and then get pregnant the usual way. Unfortunately I haven't met anyone to do that with yet. I feel I am at a stage in my life where I really don't want to wait much longer. I am now in the very early stages of looking into what trying on my own would actually involve. I understand that my options are essentially using IVF with donor sperm, or doing IUI with donor sperm. I've already started researching clinics. I believe I am in as good a place in my life as I will ever be to be ready to have a baby on my own. I'm pretty comfortable financially and I feel ready physically and emotionally. I'm sure that it's what I want. I have actually spent the past few months getting as healthy as possible, and one of my main reasons for it is so that my body is in the best condition possible for conception and pregnancy. I'm looking for some advice or opinions from women who have decided to take the SMBC route to becoming a mum. I don't actually know anyone in real life who has done it.

There are a few specific things I wanted to ask about. How did you decide between IUI and IVF? I know IVF is much more expensive, but it also has far higher chance of conceiving successfully. I've seen a few stories from women who've tried IUI, but have been unable to conceive from it. They then tried IVF and were successful. If you were in my position and at my age, would you try IUI first or go for IVF straight away? Also, did you choose your sperm donor through the clinic? I think I'd prefer to do that rather than using apps or donor websites personally, but would like to hear about people's experiences either way.

As you might tell from my user name, I had IVF with donor sperm and had DD in 2020.
I went straight to IVF because I could afford it and I didn't want the mental strain of repeated rounds of IUI. It turned out that I have a medical condition and might not be able to get pregnant naturally.
I used a Danish sperm bank. There's 2 big ones there - ESB and cryos.
There's a few Facebook groups that might help you. I'm on The Stork and I. The lady who set it up does coaching courses to help people out. There's also a list of local WhatsApp groups so you could join one and then meet up with other mums.
Good luck! It's a tough journey but rewarding!

I am also an SMC. DD1 was born in December 2020 and DD2 is due in 6 weeks. I went for IVF, although I'd had my eggs frozen for medical reasons some years ago, and so that choice was made for me. I'd have done it anyway though, because I knew I wanted more than one and so wanted to guarantee they'd be "full" siblings.
I used a sperm bank in California - most sperm comes from Denmark or California - I think the latter is more expensive although you get more choice and more info about the donor.
I would certainly recommend freezing your eggs soon if you can afford to, but you seem to me young to be doing this alone, particularly when you say that you would prefer to do it all with a partner. Why not give it a few years, and then do in your mid-30s if you've not found someone? If you'd prefer to do it this way and are ready and so on, you are obviously not too young to be a mother, but it's not as though you have a clock ticking at your age! I would be 38 and 39 when I give birth, although think will try and have DC3 perhaps in 2 years, but lets see.
Lots of clinics offer open evenings and similar and I did go to one years before I embarked on this properly.
I'm just a bit perplexed by you preferring to find a partner and have kids with them, but still going ahead with this now when you are in your 20s......

I am a on the road of becoming an SMBC🤞

First of all I think it's amazing & empowering that you're thinking about it

I chose IVF because I want to test the embryos before transfer for abnormalities and diseases. Also it has a higher success rate. Sperm donor I'm choosing through the clinic. I want them to be vetted, to be tested, to be the best they can be. The doctors will find some options for you to choose from that are more possible to match with you, so why take extra risks?

I just had an unsuccessful cycle in Spain, (i booked it because I was afraid of travelling to cyprus -my 1st choice- due to covid), so I am starting fresh with my next cycle, going to the clinic I actually want and hopefully that will work.

If you have any questions or just want to chat dm me

Hello@HopefulSMBC. Yes I did the whole solo/donor thing. It's a real journey that once you've done everything, you will feel like writing a book, there is so much that happens from the initial tests, injections cycle, donor embryology, implanting, TWW two week wait, 1st trimester, 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester pregnancy,childbirth, postpartum, sleepless nights, weaning and the list goes on...it's hard work, it's best to get a trustworthy friend or nanny, doula or family member to talk about your journey.

I am mid-30s, currently 5 months pregnant with solo donor baby 😊 Due to past trauma I don't want to be in a relationship, I want to be independent, so this for me is Plan A, not Plan B or Plan C! I did IUI not IVF, it worked the first time for me so if there are no underlying health issues I recommend trying that first, it's a lot cheaper.

@tigger2022 Aww I feel like crying, you are pregnant, congrats! Do you know if you are having a girl or boy?

I am 35, ive had 1 round of ivf and am currently a week into my 12 day wait with my third transfer, i have not been successful so far but hope to be... 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞 Good luck on your journey

My friend is considering this. She's only 32 but she's just come out of an 8 year relationship and can't see herself ever trusting a man again. I keep telling her that she's got time on her side but she is desperate to become a mum. She has a good career, nice home of her own and plenty of family support. We are in the North West and don't know where to start. She had thought she'd have to have IVF but then we heard about IUI. Can anyone give me anymore information or suggest anywhere in the North West. We've googled it and there is a place in Liverpool but just wondered if anyone could recommend anywhere. She is fit and healthy and, as far as she knows, doesn't have any fertility problems.

@Danni02 Aww good luck, sending good prayers your way!

Yes you have to attend or do virtual/zoom video consultations with different fertility clinics before getting the one that you like. I looked for months and months for a good clinic. I did so much research, looked on websites, asked around on forums, went to consultations and open days/visits.

@mommynette thanks for that information.

I cannot advise on your method but as an SMC 10 years into the journey I just wanted to pop in to say how brilliant it is. I am currently on holiday and we are having the loveliest time just the three of us. My two sleeping beside me and my only regret is not doing it sooner. Good luck!

Thank you there is never any gaurantee but speaking as someone who thought she had no fertility issues and has spent the last 4 years trying, the earlier you start the better as you just dont know what issues will be found and how long it may take

Sorry to jump on...

I am 30, daughter (7) from a previous relationship and want to try IVF with donor sperm

I have raised my daughter completely solo and after a horrific relationship with her dad I do not want to be in any new relationships but I know I'm ready for baby #2

I have started planning with the clinic and due to PCOS I have decided to go straight with mild IVF

But now... I have major worries over what people way say/think (silly I know) but I can't seem to shake that unknown worry

Has anyone else been in a similar position please? 😞