Considering donor eggs

[Lotsofqs]

Hi, I was hoping for some advice and to understand others experience.
We have recently completed our first and only nhs icsi cycle. Unfortunately I was a poor responder to fertility drugs. We want to go private and continue our ivf journey, and want to give ourselves the best chance possible, so are considering donor eggs.
My sister has already offered to donate eggs, she's 34 and meets most criteria apart from her bmi which is a bit high (although she wants to diet to bring this down, she is amazing!), and she would need to check her afc etc. Our clinic also have a frozen egg bank and boast success rates of 50-60%.
I was wondering how many donor egg cycles it has taken others to be successful, i want my sister to have as much information as possible when she's making her decision, and whilst I can talk her through the stims process, are there any other donor risks we should consider?
And in terms of anonymous donors, my clinics embryo stats look amazing, but how did you find fertilisation and reaching day 5?
I seem to fall down rabbit holes of information online and it would be really good to understand others experience

I personally wouldn't (and didn't) consider donor eggs after only one attempt at IVF but as a strategy for having a family quicker it could well be the right move for you and save some heartache of repeated cycles. But for me I wanted to try a different protocol first.

I wouldn't ask my sister, or any known donor, but if you are going down that route you'd both need implications counselling, so would your OH.
Lots of considerations regarding how each of you would feel about a potential child or if she disagreed with your parenting choices, whether she has her own children, whether she'd even be accepted at her age (not sure if cut off of 35 is only for anonymous donors). How would you all feel if it didn't work? If she also responded badly to stims? Would you ask her to go through another egg collection? Who would support her? Would your wider family have views either way and be butting in.

There was a thread here a few months ago from someone whose sister donated eggs but was unhappy when the OP planned to use a frozen embryo for another child so you'd need to think about that circumstance too. I just think it's far too messy to use a family donor but there will be some people it works for.

Have a look at Donor Conception Network, there are all kinds of donor stories.
Before discussing further with your sister I'd invest in some implications counselling for you to see if you actually want to pursue that line.

Good luck and take your time to think it over. I'm just saying I wouldn't do it, not that you shouldn't. My DH agreed strongly with me which was fortunate. You need to consider your DH's views here too, if there is any chance he would feel uncomfortable with it.

I did a DE cycle with a close friend. She overstimulated which wasn't great, but we ended up with 34 eggs. The fresh cycle, transferred one embryo - bfn. But had enough embryos to do two FETS (few years apart) and ended up with twins and a singleton. Very happy and the children know her and her existing children.

Thanks for sharing @zankiu and putting me in touch with other avenues I can continue my research. We would really love to try another protocol ourselves, based on the feedback we had prior to this egg collection it didn't sound like that was an option, but ill definitely ask in our next consultation. You also raise a couple of additional considerations that I hadnt thought of ... it will really help us make sure we are having the right conversations and ensuring we come to a decision that's right for us.

Thanks @dellaporter its lovely to hear a success story! And im so glad it worked out well .... Overstimulation wasn't something I had considered (i guess because I had the complete opposite) but will be something I consider now!

You have to be aware of the risk to the donor, on top of the general inconvenience and discomfort

Sorry to hear your treatment didn't work. I would be wary about using a donor egg from my sister,but more due to the implications of later on / what if she layer has fertility issues of her own etc who owns the frozen embryos ? Would.ypu consider an egg donor you don't know ?

I have just started a donor egg ivf cycle (currently on down regulation). We went down the donor route after 1 failed IVF cycle in April. I too was a very poor responder and emotionally I wouldn't of been able to go through that again for such a low chance of success. So we moved straight to donor egg treatment.

We have gone with a UK anonymous donor. I wouldn't consider having a family donor (but that is personal choice). Another question (apart from those already been raised so far) it would be worth considering when using your sister is why were you a poor responder? Do you have premature ovarian reserve (this is my case). As that has a genetic link so may also be a factor for your sister.

I do think its a lovely thing for your sister to offer to do for you.

@Newchances thanks, we are also considering using an anonymous donor. We actually thought that was the option, until my sister offered to be a donor. She has 2 children and her husband's recently had a vasectomy as they don't want a bigger family. But there are other short term and long term things we need to consider.

Thanks @Donimo, the chances of success is the main factor for us too, we only had 1 egg retrieved even though I was on the highest dosages protocol my clinic do, and they don't expect any difference in future cycles. We just want to have the best chance we can
good luck for your cycle!!
I know every clinic is different, but I was wondering how long you had to wait to be matched with a donor

You sound very similar to me (low ovarian reserve, poor responder) although unfortunately I don’t have any sisters so a known donor isn’t an option to me.

I did actually start a second cycle of IVF with my own eggs as there were 2 in the first cycle (they didn’t manage to collect any). Even on the highest dose of stims I responded poorly (worse than the first attempt as there were no eggs big enough to even try and collect). It didn’t cost anything as the policy at our trust is that you can have a second cycle on the NHS if there are no eggs collected.

I’m now on the waiting list to go down the route of donor eggs in the UK. The first donor cycle is funded by the NHS given the fact that own egg IVF was completely unsuccessful.

I was really against the idea at first and still have a bit of a wobble about it from time to time but if this is my only chance to have children I feel like I’ve got to take it. I’m sure I’d be full of regret in years to come thinking of what could have been.

I’ve read a lot on DCN and it seems like all of the usual worries and concerns pale into insignificance for most people once their baby is here.

I’m not sure how long it’ll be before I get to the top of the waiting list but I assume it’ll be into the new year.

Best of luck and hope you manage to get some replies from others who have used family donors.

@Lotsofqs my cycle was similar. We had 3 eggs (after max stims for a prolonged period) but 1 egg was immature, 1 was abnormal and the third didn't divide following fertilisation.

We were incredibly lucky with our donor wait. We waited a month for an initial consultation with the consultant and then paid to go on the waiting list for a donor. Then less than a week later we got offered a match. That was back in mid July. The donor had some personal commitments Aug/Sept so we waited and I started down regulation on 1st October.

This match was quite quick and was told to expect about a 3 month wait for a donor.

Hi ladies, I have just started a cycle with donor eggs (and sperm as I am single) after a failed attempt with my own eggs in March. From 11 follicles I only had 3 eggs with only 1 making it to be transferred and a BFN, and with my age (43) the chances of success were not great so had to make the decision to use donor eggs, this was also influenced by finances (as crude as that is ) as I only have so much money and the logical step was to choose the route with the best chance of success- now logic is all fine but emotions and reality have to play into it too so I made sure I was comfortable with ‘non biological’ but I will grow it in my tummy and I will love it so it will be my own. I’ve just had my baseline scan and started the medication as I’m using frozen, last time it was a long drawn out process of weeks of Injections then egg collection, but this time it’s seems so quick.
I was advised to keep a folder of ‘the journey’ with clinic details, appointments, donor sites and donor details etc so if successful then my little one with have a clear picture of how they came to be. I think that will help them understand (when they are a little older) and I plan on being open from the start to avoid any secrets or misunderstandings Good luck to all of you

Hello, after 4 miscarriages and 3 failed IVF attempts over the last 10 years we are using known donor eggs, I am 45.
I asked my first cousin who is 27, (we look very similar) she said yes straightaway. We all had counselling and she had the egg collection a week ago. My cousin wanted a 70-30 split in our favour as she is unsure she wants children yet. They collected 24 eggs. I had one (HEFA regs) transferred on Saturday, we found out yesterday that we have 4 embryos frozen and she has 4 eggs frozen for the future. Our family has been so supportive and can't thank her enough.

I was also a poor responder. Collected 2 eggs in the first cycle despite 20 days of stims at the maximum doses.

In hindsight (which is a wonderful thing) wish we’d moved onto donor eggs more quickly, but didn’t and flogged my own ovaries for another 4 unsuccessful cycles. Moved onto donor eggs after this and was successful the first cycle. I can’t remember numbers exactly but I think we had 11 eggs (maybe 12?), can’t remember fertilisation, but definitely had 5 blastocysts on day 5.

You have to do what’s right for you and easy for me to say in hindsight but I should have moved onto donor eggs much sooner. You need to be comfortable with it and without being left with too many what ifs about if you’d had further attempts with your own eggs. Unlike @Zankiu I wish I’d given up on my own eggs after 1 cycle, but obviously that isn’t what I actually did.

Yes. It worked first time for us after 3 failed ivfs with own eggs. With own eggs I never got to even a transfer. The result of my donor eggs is lying in my head are we speak, heavy breathing in my ear! I thank my anonymous donor inside my head every day.

Congratulations @EarlyGreyT and @Angliski.
I find it really helpful to hear of positive experiences of others that have gone down the donor egg route. I keep having doubts even though I know deep down it’s the best option we’ve got now. I’m just trying to get in the right frame of mind and try to lose some weight as I managed to put on a stone after our failed IVF cycles (and lockdown).

Out of interest, have you (or do you plan to) tell family and friends? This is one of the things that bothers me a bit - I don’t like the thought of people feeling sorry for us or them worrying about saying the wrong thing such as the usual comments about family resemblance.

I know of course we need to tell our child if we’re lucky enough to be successful but I think there’s a kind of in between in not treating it as a secret and not telling those who it doesn’t concern.

@Lightningrain I am currently undergoing a donor egg cycle. We have told family and friends but I have been open with all of them throughout this journey (I tend to over share!!) I did worry a little about how I would respond to the comments about family reassemble (if hopefully we are successful).

But we are lucky enough to have a daughter, a miracle conception 3 years ago. And thinking about comments about her when she was born, we only had those comments for the first few months (no one mentions anything at all like that after 6 months). Also with her she was the split of my husband so all the comments were about how much she looked like him. With my daughter no one mentioned her looking like me, as she didn't (even though she is genetically related). So thinking about this I don't actually think the odd comment will bother me too much

We have been open with family and friends. My ds looks nothing like me but conveniently rather like his dad so I just say that when people comment that we don’t look similar. He is really cute though, so that helps! Donor eggs cure childlessness but they don’t change infertility. I don’t think you ever quite recover from infertility- even if you are lucky enough to have a child through donor eggs- I do still feel a bit sad sometimes that I couldn’t use my eggs but I also feel immeasurably grateful that I was able to have him.. so it is both happy and sad at the same time. People who we have told since his birth are touched rather than any other response, and as it is now his info really, I only discuss it when I feel it’s appropriate or necessary to disclose.

I have double-donor twins.

Everyone comments that the girl is the image of me. Those who know my dad say that my son is just like him.
So people see what they want to see.
Even I think my daughter resembles me a bit, just with different colouring.

@Donimo we didn’t tell people at the start of IVF as we didn’t think we’d like to be reminded all the time by people asking how it’s all going, particularly if there were unsuccessful attempts. We’ll probably be a bit happier in telling people if we’re successful with donor eggs.

I think you’re probably right about the family resemblance comments tailing off as they start to grow up and it’s probably an element of me just finding every possible thing I might need to consider/worry about.

@Angliski I think you’re probably right about not being able to cure the infertility and I’m sure those niggling thoughts will always be there, even if we do manage to have a child. I think we would really regret it though if we gave up now and decided not to go ahead with it. I think you have taken the right approach in only telling people where necessary - we’ll most likely do the same.

@user1471604848 congratulations on your twins! It’s really interesting that some people have commented about your daughter looking like you. I guess hair and eye colour plays a big part in what people commonly think of as family resemblance.

@EarlGreyT
Unlike @Zankiu I wish I’d given up on my own eggs after 1 cycle, but obviously that isn’t what I actually did.

I'm hoping that at some point in the future when on the other side of all this (with a baby) I will feel as you do! Thank you for sharing that.
We eventually stopped trying with my eggs as we had spent so many thousands on multiple IVF cycles so it was more of a head than heart decision. Also not getting any younger and delays caused by the pandemic.

@Angliski thank you for your perspective, that helps to know that you can be grateful to have your child and still acknowledge the occasional sadness.

I would want to be open with my child about how they were created. I'm not sure what my family would think but I suppose they'd be told eventually.

I am willing to be a egg donor a private one though does anyone know how I can go about that

After multiple miscarriages and being told the reason was most likely due to egg quality we decided to go down the egg donor route due to my age. We used a UK based clinic for both convenience and our intention to make sure any resulting children would be made aware of their conception.

We used an altruistic donor who had been cancelled by someone else so suddenly became available. Our donor produced 9 eggs, all of them fertilised, 5 made it to day 5. 2 implanted and 2 suitable for freezing. Both embryos took but I miscarried one at 10 weeks. The rest of the pregnancy and birth went ahead without incident (but I was very anxious!) and our son was born healthy.

We did a frozen cycle when our son was 9 months old and had both remaining embryos implanted. One implanted and resulted in our daughter.

They are great kids (7 and 5 now) and are aware that a very kind woman helped us make them and have age appropriate books from the donor conception network that they love to read. I guess their questions will grow as they do.

As for who we told - all our immediate family and friends but no further than that. I figured it is their story to tell as and when they want to .

Happy to answer any questions you might have. Good luck

Going through the trauma of miscarriages, ivf, poor responder and everything it entails and likely going down the DE route. Would love to know how everyone got on. I'm finding my situation so hard and tough xx

Hi @LAURAPAX have you decided in the end what to do?

Hi @GingerFox2021 after two natural miscarriages in the space of 6 months I then decided to do embryo batching with PGTA testing. I had to do 3 back to back egg collections and have got x5 embryos of varying quality (mainly average) waiting to start transfer following EMMA ALICE and NK cells testing. I should hopefully fingers crossed / praying have my first transfer end of feb. If these don’t work out we will peruse donor eggs. Hope you are doing ok with whenever you are on your journey xx

*persue