Lesbian Couple - First IUI - and now we wait

[jf23]

So we've done it! Our first IUI treatment took place on Sunday and now we wait for 2 weeks to see if it's worked!

It's been 12 months since we started the process, which has been way tougher than we'd expected.

It'd be great to chat with other same sex couples who are/have been through the process.

I'm especially keen to chat about the experiences of non-birth mums as there's very little out there to support and guide.

[Marty13]

Hello ! Can't help much as I'm single so no couple experience but I can imagine that it can be a bit more challenging to build a relationship with the child for the non-carrying parent.

But there are lots of things to do to nurture that bond I think. Here are a few ideas, for what they're worth :

• start in utero. The child is aware, to a point, of what goes on around (which is why domestic violent situation are harmful to a fetus, but conversely a nurturing and loving environment can be a positive for the baby !) So talk to the bump, touch it, etc
  

• After the birth make sure the non-carrying parent also gets some skin to skin. If the baby isn't exclusively breastfed the NC parent should do some of the feedings. Lots of cuddling, singing, etc.
  

• Generally, make sure the NC parent gets quality one on one time with tthe baby. Bath time and massage for instance can be a good time, or taking a walk with baby in the carrier, etc. Lots of talking and singing to the baby, etc.
  

Sorry, a lot of these suggestions probably are pretty obvious, but this is what I can think of.

[Marty13]

PS - hopefully someone in a same sex couple will be along soon to offer some advice. Fingers crossed for the tww !

[K9Sprocket]

Hi there jf23,

First post on here, I've just been using it for my own research really. But I saw your post & thought I'd comment as we're in similar situation.

We are a same sex couple going through our first iui too. I had the IUI nearly two weeks ago on the 23rd August & clinic said not to test until 3wks due to the trigger shot could still be in my system, so still waiting!

Hope the tww wait is going ok for you guys,
Good luck! 🤞xx

[Brindle88]

Hi I’m in a same-sex couple and we are researching going through this process. I won’t be a birth mother, as I can’t now. I do have two from a previous relationship though.

Fingers crossed for two weeks!

Hope you don’t mind me asking, but why was it such a long process?

[jf23]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for getting back to me.
@Marty13 these are great suggestions, thank you!

@K9Sprocket Wow! Three week wait! We'll be one week in on Sunday. it's been such a tough 7 days, my wife (birth mum) is starting to stress that she's not 'feeling different'. The mental (and emotional) gymnastics is exhausting. We're sending all our good vibes to you for a good outcome when you test!

@Brindle88 Covid didn't help with the timings, we've had to do everything remotely, but honestly .... I don't really rate the patient 'service' from the clinic we've been with. Sadly we are paying 'customers' from day 1 and we've had to chase the process all the way.

[K9Sprocket]

Hi all. We had to wait a long time too with our clinic.
We started the process in September last year. Dec 2020 was my first scan .

Because of Covid but also long waits between appointments. Ours also kept making mistakes so I was having to check everything but I won't bore you with those.

Ok, maybe just one ...they had us down for ivf for 3 months instead of IUI, we just thought it was because of Covid!

I was like your wife jf23, no symptoms, no spotting, apart from cramping on & off...up until today, I felt naucius this morning & in the day & I was due on yesterday but don't want to get my hopes up just incase. (Eeeek)

I hope she doesn't worry about it too much. I was like that up until today. xx

[jf23]

@K9Sprocket thank you! we're so, so hoping for the BEST news for you. Everything crossed :)

I'm sorry you've had an equally rubbish time with your clinic. When we went for our first IUI the Dr first thought we were there for an embryo transfer ... I do wonder where all our £1000s are going.

It's the pregnancy test day on Sunday ... i'm bursting with excitement but doing my absolute best to keep level headed...gosh I honestly didn't think it'd be this stressful.

[IsabelHerna]

I wish you good luck with the 2 weeks!

I am starting my IVF journey as a single, so I can't help, but please do not minimize your part in all of this. You are there, you are part of it, you are going through it together as a couple. You will find a way to connect, I am sure of it.

[AperolWhore]

Same sex couple here, we had iui and I conceived on the first go. Took an early test at 9 days and was positive. Good luck!

[jf23]

@AperolWhore congratulations and thank you :) x

[MadameOvary81]

Good luck, guys!!!

We have a DS thanks to IUI. It was a long journey for us, primarily as i have fertility issues, but thankfully it worked!

Tell your partner not to stress about no symptoms. Symptom spotting in the two week wait can become incredibly damaging to mental health over time and very rarely, if ever, are symptoms indicative of a pregnancy. In fact, with my DS, i felt amazing and had none of my usual PMT stuff going on. I didn't get any changes until i was in the second trimester; not even nausea/sickness.

Re costs - We did all of our treatment in Denmark where it was much cheaper (£250 per IUI). The service was incredible. Much better than the London clinic where we started out. They were all about the ££££ and kept adding on costs and trying to persuade us into costly IVF that we didn't need. It's perhaps something to think about in the future if you don't have a quick success. But i really hope this first one works for you both! I'll cross everything for you. x

[Yardley42]

@MadameOvary81 where did you go in Denmark, out of interest? I'm considering that...

[jf23]

@MadameOvary81 thank you :) not long now!
It'd be great to hear about your Denmark experience.

[K9Sprocket]

Thank you jf23. Fingers crossed for you guys too. I really hope you get a positive on Sunday🤞

That's terrible about your clinic too, at least they got our names right 😉

It's great there's all these positive messages off these girls ☺👍
I'm not very good at advice but you sound like you'll be an amazing Mum & really involved etc.. I don't think you'll have any trouble not feeling connected at all.

How's your wife holding up? Good I hope.

I was all excited on Saturday because I felt nauseous & cramps but then I read about the progesterone suppositaries I'm on can make you feel that way so.

I'm day 16 dpo now & really want to test! But clinics advice was Monday 😣

[jf23]

@K9Sprocket thank you! such lovely words. I think the pair of us will be fab mums, we've just had such a rough time of it with one thing and another that it's felt like such a struggle to get to this stage.

Both of us are on edge a little, trying to check in with my wife a couple times a day as the pressure on her must feel enormous right now. We're lucky to both work from home so she's getting lots of herbal teas and cake delivered to her desk :D

She's not feeling any different ATM which I think it causing more stress... it's difficult to not get excited and to not show it all in one go.

eeeeekk!! by this time next week we'll both know the outcome! Fingers crossed!!

[K9Sprocket]

Hi jf23,
Sorry for such a late message! It's been a busy week & kept forgetting to come on here.
It's your big test day tomorrow! I bet your both so relieved?? Excited? Nervous?
I'm nervous as hell about mine on Monday.

I really hope you get a massive BFP!! I'm sending lots of positive vibes your way & rooting for you both. The very best of luck guys!! xx

[K9Sprocket]

Hi Ladies,

Well it was a Bfn for me this morning .
I was kind of expecting it tbh as I was only 16mm when I had the IUI, triggered me at 15mm so...

Rang the clinic, they said to stop the progesterone & not test again but I've got some cheap tests coming soon in the hope it's a false negative. Worth a try maybe.

We want to try again but I'm 42 so maybe ivf would be a better option, its just a lot of money. My partner wants to try iui one more time so we'll see...watch this space.

Take care everyone, over & out, or should I say "ovary & out" (sorry couldn't help that one) xx

[Bristolgal567]

Any updates???? I'm in same position so keen to follow your journey!!

[K9Sprocket]

Hi @Bristolgal567,

Oh really? It's hard to make the choice isn't it. We're gonna go for ivf. Time isn't on my side, so rather than have another failed iui we'd rather just bite the bullet & do it.

It's a lot of money & we can only just do it...but we can do it. Money can be earned again & look at what we could get at the end of it right??💗☺

We have a phone call review on the 7th Oct so we'll put forward for it then.

So how are things going for you so far??

[Staffs2014]

Hi wondering if anyone can help me and my partner are looking into iui treatment but really not sure where to start with it all, I’m 34 and just want the easiest way possible without much interference I have no problems getting pregnant that I know of as already have 2 children but obvs being in a same sex relationship now me and my partner want 1 more child together down this route just need a little bit of information on the easiest way to start the process

[K9Sprocket]

Hi @Staffs2014,

I would just call your nearest fertility clinic. They will assess you & figure out what medications your suited to (if any), donor sperm, etc..they'll inform you the best ☺

[Staffs2014]

Thankyou :) it’s all so confusing

[2irishmums2be]

Hope you don't mind me jumping on here. We a a same sex couple with a baby on the way. It was a long journey with a few failed iuis. We are now full steam ahead with an icsi pregnancy.

How is everyone else getting on? I too would be interested in speaking with the partner who is not carrying the child / who has a child they didn't carry